A
female
age
41-50,
*nzian
writes:Hi agony unclesWhat does a proposal mean to you?What is it like to propose to your longtime girlfriend, if she was waiting for it for a long time and sent A LOT of hints? Do you want to surprise her with the question even she is really expecting it or do you think it is not necessary anymore?If you would propose to her, because she is expecting it, why would you do it?I really would like to watch inside a man's head and I want to know how they are thinking about this thing which is really a big thing for a woman, but I don't know if it is also for a man.Thanks for all the answers! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Too Sensitive  +, writes (16 December 2008):
I know you are looking for a man's perspective...but if I could reply from a woman's perspective, and most likely that of your gf...
It is one of the single most monumental moments of a gal's life...so it should be memorable, and it should be a surprise. Even if she knows it is coming. If you can catch her off guard and do it at a time when she probably is not expecting it, it will end up being a surprise, and one she will never forget.
If you don't already have the ring, try to involve one of her family members or friends to find out just what type of ring she would prefer...type of stone, shape, type of metal, style, etc. Or you could flip through a jewelry catalog together, and hopefully while you are doing this, she will indicate preferences. Try to borrow one of her existing rings you know she wears on that finger, so that you get the size right, and take it to a jeweler. Or get a paper ring fitter from a jeweler and estimate the size of one of her current rings using that, while she's in the shower one day, so that you don't even have to remove the ring from the house, risking her finding out and ruining your attempts at detective work in an effort to ultimately surprise her.
Or you could take her window shopping. Act like you are looking for a piece of jewelry for yourself, such as a new watch, but you could slyly just happen to comment on engagement rings that catch your eye, and she will comment in turn, so you will be able to find out what she really likes.
As far as the actual proposal, try to be original and creative. If you put your mind to it, you will be successful. A very traditional and predictable way is to do it over dinner, having the restaurant staff put the ring in a glass of champagne or as an adornment on a dessert. Or, you could involve something she likes, something she's interested in.
My fiance knew I liked antiques, old historical locations, etc. He wrote a letter done in colonial times style, referenced my parents and things I liked in the letter; had a caligrapher draft it on parchment paper; and placed it rolled up in a small black shipping tube. On this day, he hid the tube in his jacket. It was the middle of the day; we were on a winding road off the beaten path, at beautiful old castle ruins I wanted to photograph. He went up into the castle for a few minutes while I stayed down on the road taking pictures of the exterior. He returned with the tube, stating he found it on the ground up there, going on about all the debris up there. He took the end cap off and excitedly said look, there's something inside written on old paper - we should read it.
I said to him, "it's probably a cheap duplicate of the Declaration of Independence!". He proceeded to read the letter. I found the references to my family and things I liked curious, but still had no clue what was going on. I still thought it was just a piece of trash he found on the ground. Until he got to the last line that talked about making dreams come true and spending the rest of our days together...then the light bulb went on in my head, and it all hit me like a brick wall as he finished reading the letter, then reached into his pocket, pulled out a beautiful little ornamental box, flipped it open, and asked if I would marry him. I was so stunned I could not even immediately answer. He looked at me and said "well?" several times before I finally exclaimed "yes! yes!". I spent the next two hours crying almost non-stop, I was so taken aback and overwhelmed.
I knew he was going to propose. I knew he had the ring. I never expected him to propose in the way he did. I thought he was going to do it over dinner, and very traditionally. I didn't know he had it in him to be so original and creative. And b/c he did it in the middle of the day while we were out exploring, he completely caught me off guard. It was the last thing on my mind, despite the fact that I thought he was going to propose the night before over dinner (and of course didn't). I had forgotten about it! My only thought was earlier that morning. I was thinking, okay, he did not propose during dinner last night, so it's going to happen tonight over dinner. And I did not give it another thought after that.
I told you this story to hopefully give you some ideas. You can probably go on-line to find other tales that might give you some other ideas as well.
If you are able to surprise her, she will not be able to respond with anything other than "yes!". Though it does not sound as though you think she would ever say no.
Good luck, I hope you are able to surprise her - she will love you even more for it. And you will have but another story to tell your kids and grandkids.
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