A
male
age
41-50,
*ishv29
writes:I am stuck with the long hours job and always back at home late nights. my wife is one beautiful woman. one day my school time friend who works in gulf came on 2 months leave in india and met me at my place. I introduced him to my wife. he is so good looking that i could easily notice my wife's excited expressions on her face after meeting him. but i just ignored and he left. days were passing and all of a sudden my wife started calling me regularly in the office to ask what time i will be coming home. when i asked her one day that why all of a sudden she has started asking me this which she never did before then she said that she is "missing me" lot these days. but on my return she never showed any interest for sex or love with me under the excuses like its too late to sleep or she is tired. one day again at the lunch time she called and asked, when you are coming "darling", i am missing u so much. i said that i have late evening meetings today so i will be very late. she said take care and have lunch properly and kept the phone. i took half day from the office and went to home immediately. when i reached home in an hour i saw my friend's bike parked in the compound of our building. i went upstairs straight away and opened the door with my latch key. nobody was in the hall and my bedroom door was closed. i quickly opened the door and found my wife giving a BLOWJOB to my friend.NOTE:my wife has never given me blowjob despite of my repeated requests to her in our three years marriage. seeing me unexpectedly my wife screamed and ran out of the room. i kicked my friend out of the house and asked my wife also to get lost with him. but the bitch started begging and crying and saying sorry. I dont understand what to do and how deal with the situation. i am deeply hurt. any suggestions?
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2008): Marriage is hard work. It takes two people that is willing two make it work. I've been married for 16 years. Everything was great until he went on 3rd shift about 3 years ago. I work 1st shift so we never saw each other. I work in a hospital with very attractive doctors. I begged my husband to switch shifts, he never wanted to give up the extra money per year.(which we did not need) I was soooo lonely!! All I wanted was him but he didn't seem to care. One evening working late I gave into lust which started an affair. It wasn't the sex I was needing it was the attention I needed. Your wife sounds like she needed attention to. Not saying what she done was right because it wasn't. She didn't have the affair to hurt you or because she doesn't love you. I'm sure she loves you very much. If you do still love her and can get passed this. You both need to give up some stuff for each other. My husband and I are working on our marriage. He saw how lonely I was and realized money is NOT everything. He is taking the 1st shift job so we can spend more time together. Search your heart.Good luck
A
male
reader, ThatOneCroatian  +, writes (19 December 2008):
Alright man, here's how it is:
It's hard enough to deal with a wife/girlfriend that won't do certain things for you. I understand if that makes anyone mad, but I'm simply saying that when it comes down to that sort of thing, regardless of whether or not you like it, you have to try different things, explore around with stuff, but that's neither here nor there.
You'll NEVER be able to get over the fact that she cheated on you, or the fact that she did something for your friend that she didn't for you. It'll pick at your mind, usually when you look at her. BUT if you love her, then time heals all wounds. It's completely your call, I'm not gonna push you in one way or another, but honestly.. if you love her, and you're willing to deal with that, then I'd say it's worth it to try and salvage what you can.
Just a friendly reminder.. there are PLENTY of other girls. And you will eventually get over your wife. There are advantages and disadvantages to both sides, just make the decision you think to be best.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2008): My sincere wishes that you will find the direction and the the solution to solve this problem. You will make peace with whatever you decide and be able to face all the tomorrows with love and happiness.Being it with your wife or with out your wife. You now have time to find yourself and to search your heart and soul.Do what is best for you, not just for the present, but also the future!
Good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2008): At times its the good ones that get hurt the most.
Hopefully the time spent by yourself will give you a better perspective of things.
All the Best.
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male
reader, vishv29 +, writes (18 December 2008):
vishv29 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionbugs and everybody, thanks for replies. today morning she said that she would like to go to her parents in goa. requested me to not to let her and my parents know abt her MISTAKE. (she used this word). I made her clear that she can go and stay with her parents and if she doesnt want to come back then its her wish. I am ready to go for divorce also if she wants. if she doesnt want then she can stay here like before but i wil never behave like a husband like i used to be once. when she heard the word divorce from me, she started crying again and asked for forgiveness.
I said "I didnt say that I will divorce you, if you want then I will do the needful. as being an ordinary looking guy i dont want to force myself on a pretty woman like you."
she said that she has always loved me and wil keep loving. said that she was just carried away with the situation that time and couldnt control her desires.
anyway such comments are not going to change me.
she then said that she wants to come back, but will come back only if I call her back. she is leaving tonight. I gave her some money for travelling but she said that she doesnt want. she has saved lot of money from the pocket money I give her every month. anyway from tonight I will be alone. I think this is going to help me more. I have decided to go for yoga classes to feel better. dont know what to do with my current job. I didnt go to office for so many days without any notice nor I did answer any call from the office in these days. not worried on that part much. but i will utilise my lonelyness and time for MYSELF. I will do the things which will make me happy. considering to convert my bedroom into some study room. cant just dare to enter in that room any more. it just reminds me that scene.
I might not be able to reply to you all for some 10-15 days, but my friends I always have a deep respect for you all in my heart. you ppl showed an intrest to share my problem, replied me and it helped me lot. see you all soon and wish me a good luck.
Regards,
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2008): I am not saying you "MUST" get a divorce.
I am more worried about the mental trauma that both of you are going through right now.
The wound is still raw.I thought a lot about your situation yesterday.I tried to put myself in your shoes.
If my husband had done this I would be angry at first.I cannot give him up.I am not financially dependent on him.Love is strange at times.
I would definitely be taking for a STD test though.
Then I thought what it was the other way around.What if I had done this?I would definitely want to be forgiven.But My husband wouldn't probably forgive.That's the way an average Indian Male is brought up.
Uncle Phil- One of my dear friends at DearCupid rightly says "Bugs there are no gray areas in your culture.There is only black or white."Today I am realizing the true meaning of his wise words.
When I offer advise or for that matter anyone else offers you advise think about it.The final decision should be yours.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2008): Vishv,
I would like to add what forgiveness really means.
Forgiveness doesn't mean letting your wife stay on in the house.
Forgiveness means forgetting the scene that's engraved in your mind.
Forgiveness means talking with your wife normally
Forgiveness means having kids with her some day believing that she has changed.
Forgiveness means never bringing up this topic ever again in your entire life
Forgiveness means being able to trust her again.
I understand the mentality of an average Indian Male very well.When I am asking you to get a divorce I am thinking of your wife as well.Wouldn't it be hell for her to live with a person who cannot trust her anymore?Wouldn't it be hell for you looking at her everyday.Do you think you can forgive her in the way that I explained it to you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2008): Decent1,
Arguing with you is not going to help the poster.So you can yell all you want and I am not going to respond.
Vishv,
All of us are humans.We all make mistakes.I am not saying what your wife did is right.In fact right from the beginning I have been advising you to leave her.
The main reason being ,you will never be able to trust her again.If looks alone mattered I won't be able to have my lovely marriage.My husband is North Indian.I am from the south.You can just think of the differences in color.I am dark.He looks like Hrithik.All my friends say so.
He doesn't look at any other girl.Its the personality that binds a person.Outer appearances last only for some time.Its the heart that really holds.There are women out there who are really nice.I am very very sure there are lots of nice women out there.Do not give up hope.
I don't want you becoming bitter.It takes a great heart to forgive.In fact forgiving her will make you a better person.Forgive her and let her go in her own way.You are young.
Two of our best aunts Diovan and Liewie have given you very good advice.The final choice should be yours.We are here to advise you.We hurt for you because all of us are caring people.The final step to help yourself should come from you.
Our laws are very interesting.They don't punish the wife.Strange.I never knew women were this powerful in India.
http://www.sethassociates.com/divorce_in_india.php
http://blog.fropper.com/times/2005/08/adultery_is_a_s.html
http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/India/Adultery_law_may_punish_women/articleshow/3834174.cms
http://www.helplinelaw.com/docs/criminallaw/adultry.php
You have two choices.You can make this experience make you better or let it beat you to a pulp.I know you are strong.Come out as a better person.Visit a counselor if need be.I wish you all the best.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2008): Aunts and Uncles, I totally understand, and to tell the truth again, when I reread the post it dose sound like pure lust. This woman is dishonorable, she wanted to have sex with another man, so that's what she did.
It's just that here on Dear Cupid, many people have affairs, and they are told to dump their partners and get a divorce. This is not always possible for some men, and they actually love their partner enough to forgive. Some women start affairs because they are lonely as their husband's put their work before their marriage. The question needed to be asked, but it is not the situation in this case. There is no possibility of forgiveness, the wife knew what she was doing, and in this case (but not all) their is a high possibility she will act like this again. She has no love and no honour, so in this case the only solution is divorce...
PS: Decent you are wrong, read the stories on this board and you will find that some husbands and wives cheat, but they forgive and they never do it again, and it actually helps their marriage become stronger than ever. But this is not the case here.
In your update you say you can't divorce her because of your mother. That is crazy. What are you going to do. Keep her forever, hate her, and make her and yourself unhappy. If you can't forgive then get a divorced. Staying married to somebody that you don't like is a recipe for a lifetime of unhappiness, and the next time she cheats she will have a very good excuse, because the marriage is over. That's why I asked you to be look carefully at whether you could forgive and move on, or if you would rather let her go. Keeping her and hating her is not a good option.
Poster, I understand that there is a difference between a forced marriage and an arranged marriage, she had some choice and she made vows to be a good wife to you. If she was suffering from lust, if she was having problems with being faithful, she should have come to you first. It's not because you are not beautiful enough, it's because she is a bad wife. Not all beautiful women would betray you like this because they hold their vows as important. That's why you must let her go, she is the one that is not good enough for you, and like Bugs and the others have said, what other man would now choose to be with a woman like this, no matter how beautiful she is.`
You are young, let's this woman go and find another one.
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reader, a_decent_1 +, writes (17 December 2008):
 I am quoting BUGS
"Drona sent Duryodhana on a quest to find good people.
Duryodhana came back and said,"Guru,I never found good people.All of them are liars,thieves,adulterers and cheaters"
Drona said,"Very well".
He then sent Yudhisthira on a quest to find bad people.
Yudhisthira came back and said,"Guru,All the people I met are honest,nice and hardworking".
The rest of the students got very confused.They asked him,"Guruji,how is this possible?"
Drona replied,"Yudhisthira has only good in his heart.So he sees only the good in other people.Duryodhana on the other hand has bad in his heart.He only was able to see the bad in other people's heart". "
So, he should see no evil in his wife..? What if she was giving someone a blow job..? Look Bugs, These things are best kept in books and not brought out. !! If i go with it, i would be standing on a road like a begger asking for alms.. !!
To Vishv :
Mate,
You can make people understand that things are not going well.. Don't tell the real reason.. Just tell that you are not compateble with her and you cannot continue ur marriage.. !!
As for your wife, What she said would have fumed you further.. !! Shez worried about some lame loser's freaking heart that he would be hurt.. !! I'll tell you why she did it.. !!
They guy would have said he won't have sex with her if she refused Blow Job.. She would have wanted sex, so she decided to do it.. !! In your case, she knew you are married to her and sex would take place come what may.. !!
DIVORCE HER NOW or she could plan something against you. !! Remember, if she files a case against you, you may have to well pay her money.. ;-)
G'day
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reader, vishv29 +, writes (17 December 2008):
vishv29 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBugs,
I understand that im torturing myself but i think this is the way to make my cobwebsfull mind little empty. im sharing my problem with you all, getting replies from you and im feeling little better atleast for some time.
my grand mother always used to tell me that all that shines is not a gold. when this girl's marriage proposal came to us, i was just mad and blind to see her beauty. i forgot that real love from a beautiful woman is not for ordinary looking ppl like me.
but its not like i didnt give her a chance to think. this lady, comparing myself and herself looks wise, I had asked her before mariage, "are you really happy with this marriage? is your family pressurising you for this marriage? if there is anything like that then please tell me before its too late.myself i will try to help you." she said that there is nothing like that. what a cheater.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2008): I can understand that you must be very hurt and feel very confused and angry.
Hopefully these two links can be of assistance to you.
Top 9 Ways to Deal With Betrayal
http://marriage.about.com/od/forgiveness/tp/betrayal.htm
How To Rebuild Trust Trusthttp://marriage.about.com/cs/trustissues/ht/rebuildtrust.htm
Personally I think it would be very difficult to repair the damage and unless there is children involved, I would recommend you consider a divorce, but it is your choice and your life.
Whatever you decide to do, think about yourself and your happiness. If need be consult a counselor to help you to deal with your feelings. What you experienced is very traumatic and it will take time for you to get over the shock and the betrayal. Allow yourself time to grieve this pain and find ways to let go of the anger. Don't keep negative feelings bottled up inside you, it is not good for your health.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2008): Vishv,I don't understand why you are torturing yourself with more details?
Let her go!She doesn't love you.If she did,she wouldn't have cheated on you.
I don't understand the logic behind why she cheated you either.
Your parents are important.But you are important too.
Your marriage is a sham.The society is not going to cry with you.It will only laugh at you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2008): Drona sent Duryodhana on a quest to find good people.
Duryodhana came back and said,"Guru,I never found good people.All of them are liars,thieves,adulterers and cheaters"
Drona said,"Very well".
He then sent Yudhisthira on a quest to find bad people.
Yudhisthira came back and said,"Guru,All the people I met are honest,nice and hardworking".
The rest of the students got very confused.They asked him,"Guruji,how is this possible?"
Drona replied,"Yudhisthira has only good in his heart.So he sees only the good in other people.Duryodhana on the other hand has bad in his heart.He only was able to see the bad in other people's heart".
Little did Drona know that it was the same evil in Duryodhana's heart that caused the Mahabharata war.
Me and my husband have a good marriage because we are able to see only the good in each other.I am not perfect.Neither is he.Since we see the good in each other,we make sure that we treat each other with the same kind of trust and goodness that we see in each other.That explains the loyalty we have towards each other.I am not a cynic.I would like to believe that people can change into good people.The poster's wife may change later.Desperate situations call for desperate measures.Its the poster I am worried about.His trust is eroded.It would be very difficult to regain the trust.
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reader, vishv29 +, writes (17 December 2008):
vishv29 is verified as being by the original poster of the questiontoday just an hour before i broke my silence and asked her that what made her go for that sexual act with my frined for which she always said NO to me.
readers dont get me wrong. question is not wether im dying to have blowjob from my wife. question is i wanted to know why she did something for other man which she firmly didnt do for her 3 years husband.
her shocking reply was,
" I couldnt say no to him. he said he would be going back to gulf and wont be coming before next 2 yrs. I DIDNT WANT TO HURT HIM. thats why I did what he wanted."
after saying this she was enough shameless and capable to say sorry once again and cry. dont understand what to do. cant even divorce her as i dont want to let my parents ( mother is heart patient staying in our village home with father) know the real face of this vampire lady. my mother has always treated her like her pampered daughter. my mother wont be able to bare this shock.
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reader, a_decent_1 +, writes (17 December 2008):
How many Bad people have changed into good people in your memory..? I know Saint Valmiki did but wasn't that like 5000 years ago...?Some people never change.. !! And to have an extra marital affair in a society such as ours, you have to be "Really Sick" .. And where was the thing going on? At "Home" . Which whom? "Husband's Friend" .. For how long..? Not known.. !!TRUST is built when there is security.. How secure would you be with a cheat..? G'day
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2008): Mr.decent 1,
I beg to disagree.Good people can tun into bad people.Bad people can turn into good people.Its the trust that's lost which is the issue here.Trust is like a fragile vase.Once broken,the cracks still show through the tapes even if its put together again.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2008): To the poster:
I understand you are feeling really hurt.You loved her a lot.That makes it hurt even more.Doesn't it?
If I tell you that it was not you who made her cheat it might seem like a cliche to you.That's the truth.You did nothing wrong.There's nothing wrong with you.If she was unhappy with your working hours,she would have expressed it to you.That's what a good wife does.She wants to work on the marriage.Your wife seems selfish.If it was a man who had done it,we all would have advised the poster to get rid of him.
N number of excuses can be given.Adultery is still Adultery.It hurts the most.
There's an answer by missme134.A very beautiful one.I suggest you read it.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-found-out-he-cheated-he-then-chose.html
I believe in equality of the sexes.The reason why I asked you to divorce her was YOU CANNOT TRUST HER AGAIN.Men out there who have been in your shoes are cheering you on.
you might love her,you might forgive her but you are never going to be able to trust her again.Your answer proves my theory doesn't it?
The scene is engraved in your mind.You don't want kids with her.Its two lives that are getting spoilt by you being with her.your life is hell already.When she sees you can never trust her again,she will be in hell.
Let go of her.I understand your self esteem and self respect have taken a beating by this.There are lots of women out there who would rather kill themselves than cheat on their partners.It doesn't matter if you look like Hrithik Roshan or not.
Marriage is a commitment.Its vows are sacred.
Life throws you many curves.You need to be strong.The best revenge you can have on your wife is by living your life fully.Do the best in your job.The negativity that you feel towards her will slowly harm you inside.Seeing her in the house won't help either.
Arranged marriages are fine.But you never get to know the person much.I turned out to be really lucky.My husband is one of the nicest guys I have ever met in my life.
There's still life out there.Go on.Don't look behind.Move on.Hopefully this experience makes you to be a better person instead of becoming a bitter person.I am sure you have the strength in you.
We are all rooting for you here.
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reader, a_decent_1 +, writes (17 December 2008):
Once a Cheat.. Always a Cheat.. !!
No matter how much we argue but a CHEAT can never change..!! It is inborn.. She cannot suddenly start loving him and not cheat in future.. Yeah, she might make sure that she is Not Caught the next time.. !!
Dude, U r young.. Just take time off.. Killing yourself is no solution.. !!
G'day
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2008): Hey Friends,
I understand we all want the woman to be forgiven.I might end up in such a situation too.Life is unpredictable.
But...
When the poster kicked the friend out of his house and gave hell to his wife,all the neighbors would have known about it.I am a strong advocate of "Don't live for the society".How strong is the poster to face up to the society?In India its especially bad.You would have to be here to understand.
There was this neighbor who started singing songs,whistling whenever I passed by.I told my husband.The neighbor is a bully and a rowdy.We didn't want any issues.So we decided to ignore him.Me and my husband were walking on the lane to our house.I was 6 months pregnant.When the bully learnt that he could not get any where with me,he must have been mad.He almost ran us over.I couldn't even move properly due to the fact that I was 6 months pregnant.My husband's reflexes were fast.He pushed me aside.The lord saved us that day.
Because I understand a lot about the general Indian Man,I never talk to any of the neighboring men.I have guys as friends.My husband trusts me a lot and is perfectly OK with it.My judgment in guys so far has been excellent.When an Indian Man tried so much for a woman who didn't talk to anyone,doesn't even lift her head and walk(Its our village culture) I shudder to think of the fate of the poster's wife.
If the poster's neighbors know of this,she is fair game.Other guys start looking at her differently.Our culture is very different.One of my friends committed suicide when she got pregnant at 15.It is that BAD.
More than the poster or his wife,I am worried about the kids.I am not saying she may not change.I am paranoid of pedophiles.I have a small baby myself.Why wouldn't I be?.Please read this link.
http://www.newsweek.com/id/70200/output/print
A pedophile doesn't roam around wearing a sign on his neck that he/she is a pedophile.When an affair is conducted in secret at home,the children are the most vulnerable.It took guts and recklessness to bring a third man into the marriage bed of her own home.Even if everyone ends up hating me,I stand up for the innocent kids if there are any in the marriage.She didn't care about anything.The kids will be ostracized in our society.Their life would be hell at schools.
Even if I meet a man like Denzel Washington someday,the face of my child first and then his mirror image,my husband is enough to resist any temptation.
Think very carefully from an Indian society's point of view.
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reader, vishv29 +, writes (17 December 2008):
vishv29 is verified as being by the original poster of the questiondear all, thanks for spending time to read my problem and giving answers. im really greatful. since that day i have lost all my intrest in my career and other things. she is still there in my house but we dont talk to each other and we are not sleeping in one room together. myself im very ordinary looking guy but well educated and a decent earner. our mnarriage was arranged one and i used to feel as if i was the luckiest man in this world for getting such a beautiful wife. i always loved her more than myself, gave her whatever she demanded, in the early days of our marriage i have even managed to give her enough time and company she needed. i never felt attracted to any woman since the day SHE entererd in my life. but she has destroyed everything.
excuses like "i work for long hours", "she was lonely", sorry to say but such comments irritates me more. if she was lonely then so was i. if she needed me then i also needed her. even after working so late i have never given an excuse like "I am tired or I have to go early tomorrow".
I as a true loving caring husband always there to make my wife happy. what kill me more that how and when it all started.
this man whome i used to call my friend once, comes on 2 months leave in india (he had never met my wife before), meets us at our place for merely half an hour, and after that it all started? how?
my guess is he must have come at my place one day in my absence, to show that he has come to meet me. since i had already introduced him to my wife, she must have taken him inside and then it must have started. i feel like killing myself and make the end of this pain for once and all. thank god we dont have kids yet. and i have promised to myself that i will not have kids from that bitch. she is not going to be a good mom. i stll love her but im not going to forgive her, as the act in which i caught her will be there in my mind till my whole life.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2008): "I don't understand what to do and how deal with the situation. i am deeply hurt."
The fact that you have come here to ask for help, the fact that you are still thinking about what to do, gives me hope that maybe she can be forgiven. Now don't get me wrong, what she done was disgusting, especially as it was a sexual act that she has never done for you.
What are her reasons, why did she hurt you like this. You sound angry and hurt yes, but you sound like you still have some love for her. Do you want to leave her, do you want to find somebody else. Do you think she will ever do this again. She's sorry, of course she is, she sad and upset and sorry.... but sorry is not enough. Why did she hurt you like this, you need to know the reasons, before you decide to keep her or to divorce her for her disgusting behaviour.
I'm sorry, she had done wrong. You work long hours, you work late nights, could this be the reason. Was she lonely, did he tell her sweet words and seduce her? I'm not trying to make her sound like a nice woman, she was wrong, but why did she do what she did.
Are you better off without her, or if you know why she did it, could you ever forgive her and believe she would never do it again. Some marriages can recover after an affair, but it depends on how much love you have for each other and if you can stand to be parted from her... Just a few thoughts to help you out.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2008): I am not perfect.I am human like everyone else.I get tempted too.The first person I talk about it is my husband.
It takes real love to forgive infidelity.I will definitely forgive my husband if he does so.Guilty as charged.
Guys are physical.Women are emotional.
That's why it hurts for the guy when the woman cheats.Not that it hurts less for the woman.I agree there.
I can bet that the poster can never forgive his wife.The fact that it was his friend makes it even worse.
I feel for him.I do.I feel for her too.But the relationship is doomed.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2008): Get a good lawyer.Adultery is a punishable offense in India.Do not give her a penny.It would take you time to get over the trauma.But you can definitely do it.Be strong.
Now is the time when you may start feeling that all women are bad and not trust worthy.There are very good women around.You are young.You have a good life ahead.Forget the past,your wife and move on.
If you have kids,I suggest you get custody of them.I don't think she will make a good mom.
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reader, thetruth357  +, writes (16 December 2008):
I caught my wife in the act with a dick up her ass. My brother caught his wife. Almost all the time when you catch them in the act it is over with. You decidce whether to stay with a whore or not. I married a whore and so did my brother and they fucked up our lives big time. They both ended up fucking around and they both stole money from us.
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reader, a_decent_1 +, writes (16 December 2008):
Brother,
Shez a ***** .. You know that.. !! Please don't get offended but you know WHY I am saying that.. Don't you..?
She cheated you with your friend.. We say "Bhabhi maa samaan hoti hai" (friends wife is like a mother) and in a culture like this what your wife has done is really vague.. !!
I would divorce her and find myself a new partner.. You're hurt I know.. But buddy that is what you will have to do.. She is not worth living with.. !!
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2008): As this has been going on over a period of time with the same person, something tells me that she wasn't just looking for action but she wants to be with your friend. It was wrong of her not to break it off with you sooner. Perhaps she was scared of what you would do or maybe she is with you for the wrong reasons but either way if she wants to be with your friend then she should have left you sooner for him and should not have shown the false signs of affection by saying she missed you. As it wasn't just sex but probably she had feelings for him, I would split with her and find someone new =]
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