A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I was wanting some male input into extra marital affairs.Often on here there are questions from women who have become involved with men who are married. Everytime there are answers from women who chastise the women from getting involved in the first place and obviously it would be advisable to avoid this situation.However, i have always wondered how the men feel in this situation, i was wondering if there are any men who would care to give their points of view, maybe they have been involved themselves in an affair and can detail their feelings, was it purely wanting their cake and eating it as so many of the women say or were they really torn between their wife and their mistress.How and why did they get into the situation in the first place and how did they come to the decision to end it with either their wife or mistress and how did they feel afterwards, did their marriage survive and become strong again or have they lived a lie.I think a mans point of view would be extremely interesting.
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (30 September 2009):
A man will have an affair for sex or boredom, rarely anything else. That's why when men say 'it meant nothing', it's frequently true. Clearly, women have affairs because they're are not getting the emotional support they need. Rarely will a woman have sex just for the sake of it (though sometimes there are some that do). Neither should be treated differently.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2009): A few of my mates have had affairs, more out of boredom than love for the other woman. Once they got their fix that was the end of it. Personally id never cheat on my wife. I love her and if a woman is willing to have affairs is in my opinion easy, loose etc. god knows what diseased nastiness lies between her easily opened thighs.
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A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003  +, writes (30 September 2009):
 Men get into extramarital affairs for a number of reasons. Almost the same reasons as women. There are those who choose to do so out of boredom and need excitement outside of their otherwise happy marriages.
There are men whose wives ignore them or neglect them in many respects and so an extramarital relationship can provide the kind of love and emotional support a wife grown cold might not provide.
It could be purely sex-driven, in that the wife won't do things that another woman will.
Some men will end the relationship if they feel guilty. This happens when there are either children involved or the wives suddenly appear more palatable, or the extramarital affair becomes too difficult to deal with as in leading a double life.
Marriages have a much better chance of surviving marital infidelity than most would think.
Its a wake-up call to the non-cheating spouse that something was wrong in the marriage and sometimes that non-cheating spouse can recognize this and the marriage can be repaired.
I usually take the view that it takes 2 people to break up a marriage, not one and so there's some reason that the marriage wasn't good enough and the affair is born. But that's an over-generalization.
Many affairs are ended when they're uncovered in a "bust" and so when that happens the married man has to decide whether he wants to exit the marriage, exit the affair or open his marriage and continue going the way he had been.
As a man, and as a guy in his middle years, personally adults make decisions that impact their lives and the lives of their families and mistresses.
Often times married men will be engaged in an extramarital affair with a married woman. This could go on for years. Some affairs have been known to carry on for decades.
I think that there are deep emotional commitments there between the married men and their other women. So it would not surprise me to find out that there's love being shared; and its more likely than not.
Other things get in the way in life. Spouses may be so disabled or so sick, or incapable of intimacy for some reason and so that can force an affair.
Each affair is borne of separate circumstances and so its impossible to paint this easily with a broad brush.
On a personal level, I don't chastise men or women differently for engaging in extramarital affairs.
We live in the 21st century and at least in the West, infidelity should be tolerated in a civilized manner. No witch hunts and stake-burning allowed.
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