A
male
age
36-40,
*eganutts
writes:So I just recently found out that I could be the father of a 5 year old little girl from a 5 year old ex relationship. She dropped said bomshell on me several days ago, just bringing it up in our convo. She's on her way to my location soon so a paternity can be giving. But my problem is this, she chose to wait 5 years to tell me that I could have a daughter. That means she's been raising this little girl by herself, in the midst of me talking on the phone to her for along time after she gave birth to her. She didn't tell me then. She didn't tell me at all. She's been married and divorced all before the age of 21, with 2 other children from her ex husband. Now maybe I'm viewing this down the wrong side of the scope, but she is wrong for holding this back from me for so long and then telling me and its like, oh well now I have to do right, when I never even had any involvement in the childs life at all, thanks to my ex her mother. You can't even imagine the emotions I've gone through the past week alone. Oh but that doesn't even take the cake, she said to me after I told her that if she is mines, that her stepdad is out of the equation. She disputed it and said I couldn't do that, that he's her stepdad and she loves him. That's when I blew it. I'm like you trifling thing, I was fine and was on my way to better things, you show up and give me this bs and expect me to be cordial about it. I missed first steps, I missed first words. I missed it all thanks to her. And all she can say is she's sorry. Sorry will never be enough for this. Ever. The child doesn't even know who I am, she's going to run to her step father before she runs to me. And it all stemed from her misinterpreting me saying I didn't want children before we even hooked up. She said she was just trying to respect my wishes. Ugh, just because I said I didn't want any didn't mean I didn't want my daughter to know me, genius!!! I gues my question here is this, and I want men responses to this, put urselves in my shoes right now, ur on ur way to doing bigger and better things, everything is going awesome, and then u get a phone call from and ex of many years ago, telling u that you have a daughter that you never knew about. Tell me guys, honestly, what would you think and how would you feel. Moreso, what would u do? I already know what I'm gonna do, but I like to know how other men would feel about this to make sure I'm justified in feeling the same. Mind you also, I am going to get a paternity test.
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male
reader, meganutts +, writes (8 September 2009):
meganutts is verified as being by the original poster of the question I hear everything everyone is saying to this, and I will say only that it seems as if I'm assed out on the subject. The wrong end of life is has an arrow pointed straight up my ass so to speak. I can't win. And to think, I used to love this girl, all that's left now, is hate. Soooooo much hate. And I am right in feeling so regardless of who says what. Because its not fair to me. I mind the child. I understand she will never run to me first. But I hate the mother, I hate the stepfather and I hate this situation. Nobody seems to want to view this from my perspective. Only the mothers or the childs. Like I don't even add into the equation. Wth is wrong with society today.
A
male
reader, meganutts +, writes (8 September 2009):
meganutts is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI hear everything everyone is saying to this, and I will say only that it seems as if I'm assed out on the subject. The wrong end of life is has an arrow pointed straight up my ass so to speak. I can't win. And to think, I used to love this girl, all that's left now, is hate. Soooooo much hate. And I am right in feeling so regardless of who says what. Because its not fair to me. I mind the child. I understand she will never run to me first. But I hate the mother, I hate the stepfather and I hate this situation. Nobody seems to want to viex this from my perspective. Only the mothers or the childs. Like I don't even add into the equation. Wth is wrong with society today.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2009): You should be there for the little girl. I defiantely know you're angry. People make mistakes though. Dont hold a grudge to long or it could cost you your daughter. Remember her mother will ALWAYS be apart of her life. So if you wnat to be apart of the little girls life also dont be angry at the woman who's in charge or your daughter. As for the step-dad its silly of you to say her step-dads out of the equation. He's who the little girls thought of as her father for five or however many years. The best think for you to do is to make friends with this man and fast. This hurts yo to know that your daughter doesnt know you and thinks of another man as her dad but you cant take him away form her because you're pissed off. Get to know you're little girl. You might have missed out of first steps and first words but you can still be there for first dates and first grade. She's going to be around the rest of your life. You've got a lifetime to make up for missing out the first 5 years. Who knows not many kids remember there first 5 years anyway this is the time she WILL remember. Time with you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2009): Get the test... but reguardless here's the reality...First, she's married and another man has accepted the children that she had as his own. In many states, this makes it legally so, even if you are the Dad, so he's on the hook finacially (just look at this from his perspective, in that senario he's out $100,000+ dollars, all the way though college and a wedding... could be $300K or more... it's NOT about the money, there's a person he loves attached!)You can not dictate what her husband does, and it's foolish to try. You can't argue over this child like it's an object or a pet. Sad as it may be, it could be best NOT to tell the child. At 5, a kids world should be happy and safe. At 5, the last thing a kid needs is for that world to come crashing down - so that the pissed off sperm doner can exercise his "rights"... think about the child!Yes, she got pregnant, you could be the dad (if you didn't use protection, your mistake...even if you did, it can still be yours)- she didn't have an obligation to tell you. Sad, but she could have aborted the child w/o you ever finding out and that's HER RIGHT. Your sperm, her body... she wins...My question is why after all this time was she so stupid as to even say anything. She could have had a DNA test run on her kid and husband and at least figured out if he was or was not the father. Unless she was sleeping with multiple guys (how nice!) that would have solved the mystery.What does she have to gain by all this? What does the child have to gain? to lose? Think before you alter this childs life...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2009): Haven't you heard? This is 2009 and you're a man. You don't have parental rights to your own child unless she feels like giving them to you.
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