A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my husband since we were sophomores in high school. We married after he graduated college (I never got the chance to go to college because I was busy working so I could keep a roof over our heads). Neither of us were kicked out of our homes, but I decided to follow him to his college but I didn't have a high enough high school GPA to get in. So I went with renting a one-bedroom apartment that we've been living in the last five years; our lease is up the end of this month and my husband has never paid a single cent toward any of the bills.During that time, however, when he was in college, he cheated on me several times. I decided to stay with him because before all that happened, he constantly told me that no one would ever want to be with me besides him. When we were dating, he always told me I was stupid and worthless and disrespectful and nobody would love me the way he does. At first, I was just shocked he would say that stuff to me, but then, after a while, I started to believe it. And I stopped hanging out with other guys because I didn't want to upset him. I also stopped talking to my best friend and eventually, I started getting into fights with my family.I am so sick of crying, feeling hurt and jealous. The last eight years of my life have been that way. Both my parents were extremely reluctant about the wedding last year and my dad almost refused to give me away. My mom only attended the wedding ceremony because seeing your oldest daughter getting married (for the first time) only occurs once. She didn't attend the reception; my dad told me bluntly it's because she can't bear to see me throwing my life away with a man who is just down-right digusting.Two months ago, I gave birth to a baby boy and my family wasn't very thrilled about it. "Another step in the wrong direction." I remember my dad saying to me about that situation. My son died two weeks later because he was pre-mature by three months. Of course, I did get support from my parents (my sisters, by this time, hadn't spoken to me in three years). I know this sounds crude, but from what I've been dealing with the last eight years, I'm glad I didn't "actually" bring a child into this world. It would've been miserable.Well, something that's made me snap (finally) is the fact that my husband just confessed to me that he will be having a baby with the woman he cheated on me with the summer before college started for him. He still wants me but he also wants her. It's his chance to finally be with her but he still loves me and he told me he refuses to let me leave. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I can't be with him anymore. He's crazy and he hurts me more than anything I could ever imagine.Just, what should I should? I'm past desperation at this point. Thank you so very much to anyone who can help me out with this...
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female
reader, peachstone  +, writes (8 September 2009):
This man is not good for you. The demeaning and abusive manner he treats you is not loving. you need to love yourself enough to leave. i understand that what you have written here is not the full story and none of us know your relationship like you do, but from what you have put here, it does not sound like a healthy relationship.
Work on loving yourself and don't be afraid to be single. It'll be a much healthier situation for you and you may find someone that is willing to love you for you. good luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2009): Dearkelja nailed it 100%... you need to divorce this POS, work on yourself and find a good man in a few years. Life is far too short for this kind of abuse. Let the woman that he had the kid with raise both of them together. Look her up in 10 years and see how it worked for her...
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A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (8 September 2009):
 You have been manipulated. This man has controlled you by demeaning you and taking down your self esteem. This way he can do whatever he wants knowing you wont leave. Unfortunately you are in the situation and you can not see this clearly. He has no respect for you and for him to even ask you to go along with this extended family deal is insane.
Divorce your husband and work on your self esteem before you get involved with anyone again. There isn't a future in this marriage as your husband will never give you the love and respect you deserve.
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