A
female
age
36-40,
*weetheart1nonly
writes:I know we women are emotional creatures and could forgive easily. Men, how easily is it especially if you are the cause of her frustration and have done some things to hurt you. She said some hurtful words like calling you an "idiot", stupid, using the f word, telling u God would punish you, you would rot i jail and so on. And the next day she apologises, begs for close to two months?How would your reaction be? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, sweetheart1nonly +, writes (5 June 2009):
sweetheart1nonly is verified as being by the original poster of the question@EmilysanswersAll you just said is exactly how I'm feeling and you are right. I feel a little different with the responses given making me not so hard on myself. Thanks for your advice.Thank you everyone too for your advices and more are welcome too.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (5 June 2009):
We understand that you are so weak that you are feeling bad for saying a few mean words here but this is the advice and you seem to not be getting it.
It doesn't matter what you said to him. Because he is not worth your worry. If you are worried that this is "not you" then figure out the fact that being in a Bad Relationship is going to change you for the worse as you get bitter and resentful at him for being mean, and yourself for being too weak to leave.
Once you leave, you will be better again and back to your old self.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, sweetheart1nonly +, writes (4 June 2009):
sweetheart1nonly is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI agree with you all but most people are referring to the cheating part here, while I'm including the insulting part and what le to the insult. What he really did that provoked me to that extent.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2009): Cheating, like many things that humans are capable of, regardless of what they believe in, is not a black and white issue. There is an abundance of primary and underlying reasons that drive a person to cheat and while cheating, stay with their lover.
'Victims' to cheating primarily rely on ego: pride and dignity when deciding whether to give their lover a second chance. When pride and dignity fails, the 'victim' may choose to accept their lover back regardless of whether the lover may cheat again or not.
The 'advice' I give 'victims' that continuously accept their cheating lover back into their lives, is to continue to accept them back until they no longer can yield to the destruction of their pride and dignity. My reasoning is that some people require only one 'mistake' to learn, while others may require 'infinitely' more mistakes. Some outside aid would help - eg: friends and family 'forcing' some extent of their own pride and dignity into you.
Mind you, a lover that cheats may not necessarily be the 'bad' person in the relationship. People that cheat, do so for a vast range of reasons. Many of these reasons should implore you to look at the relationship between you and your lover, at yourself, then at your lover.
People 'should' realize that many humans desire some form of warmth and comfort from another person - something steady and constant, but 'unfortunately', no one in the world can offer a complete fulfillment of the desires that another person may want. Therefore, some people are 'capable' of cheating when many of those desires are not met in a relationship.
This concept of desire and steadiness is based on the same idea of having a range of tastes, rather than having one singular taste.
Eg: I like bright orange amidst dark blue. I like blood red with streaks of white. I like matte black with thin silver lines. I like platinum white with subtle flavors of semi-transparent bone whites.
No indeed, humans also look at the ego of integrity when choosing what they want in a relationship and with that, stick to their convictions of staying in that relationship, rather than set out for others that may fulfill bits and pieces of missing factors.
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (4 June 2009):
 Well I am sorry that he has cheated on you in the past. I have always maintained that cheating is a deal breaker for me, simply because if someone cheats on you, they don't respect you. But regardless, that is strike one against him, and I cant fault you for forgiving him, as each person is different as their threshold of tolerance for other's actions. Just like we each have a different threshold of pain.
But I would definately consider getting someone that is going to respect you. If he has cheated once, god only knows what he has done that you don't know about. And thanks for clarifying, because I think based on your clarification, I have to say that I was wrong in my original assesment, and I am not too proud to admit when I am wrong.
Get rid of the bum!
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A
female
reader, sweetheart1nonly +, writes (4 June 2009):
sweetheart1nonly is verified as being by the original poster of the question@Emilysanswers
Yeah he was wrong also because he failed four appointments we had but I was also wrong for insulting him with wrods I used because I never meant them and should not have no matter what. That is not me.
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A
female
reader, sweetheart1nonly +, writes (4 June 2009):
sweetheart1nonly is verified as being by the original poster of the question@Grimmreality
Well he has cheated before that i found out but that isnt and wasn the reason @ all for insulting him cos i dodnt mean them @ all. He has put me down in such way and lack of care or attention.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (4 June 2009):
Well if I am a man, and I have done hurtful things, then I must not give a crap about her anyway.
So she can scream all she wants, it won't bother me.
Then 2 months of begging and making it up to me.... well since I was in the wrong and she is the one apologising... hey I'm on to a winner here. I can do what ever the hell I like and it appears she's too stupid to dump me.
Great, I'm off to a strip club tonight and hopefully she'll have the dinner ready when I get home!! Well, that's if I don't get a better offer from a girl in a bar. My girl at home will still forgive me so why the hell not?
Yeah. Stop being a bloody doormat and leave him. You can't blame him for wiping his feet all over you when you lie down by the door and write WELCOME all over yourself.
If you continue with him and he treats you badly then that's your choice. Any INTELLIGENT woman would have left long ago.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2009): Depends. You asked a question before, sweetheart, which I answered. I have never done what your man did, so I can't say what his reaction was. But, if I had cheated and was forgiven, then did something else, I would not be too surprised at your response. Hon, if you get into a pattern of forgiving....you will probably always be having to forgive this guy. You will wake up someday and feel more like a doormat than a lover. I advise you to move on...and stop thinking of yourself as the cause of the failure. It was not your failure. He is obviously not the faithful or committed kind. There are plenty of guys out there who are. You will find one.
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (4 June 2009):
I wouldn't stand for it if I did nothing wrong. That woman would be out of my life, permanently.
I could accept it if I cheated on my woman, stole money from her, beat her or embarrassed her in public and cost her something like a job
But since I have been a victim of cheating, I would never put somebody through that, so it's a moot point. Short of those things, there is no call for that kind of talk.
Basically, some men who are pussy whipped would put up with it. But any normal man would not put up with it. He would be dumb to.
So unless its cheating, or stealing, beating or embarrassing then there is no excuse for it.
So please tell me. Which one of those 4 things did your man do?
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