A
female
age
,
*raid
writes:I have been separated from y husband for 5 weeks now, due to his excess drinking. He has been working away and not been prepared to communicate.He has just called to say he has landed and we are meeting up tomorrow so i can pass on his mail etc.I was shocked at how snappy he was when he phoned, spoke as if he was speaking to dirt on his shoe, I could feel myself welling with anger but did not react.I am now dreading having to meet up with him. I know he is angry because I asked him to leave but he was not prepared to acknowledge there was a problem. Where, what, how should I deal with this.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (28 June 2010):
 I'm thinking he wants you to be around just in case... And that is a not really a good thing.
Maybe he doesn't know WHAT he wants right now, but what do YOU want? If you are over it, then you can file for divorce as well. YOU don't have to wait around for him to figure out whether or not he wants to work it out. Him living in another place may give him some thinking room ( and you) but really, what I think you need to do is figure out what YOU want and the go for it. He might be drinking less... but he hasn't given it up. Which translate to this, drinking is more important.
Live your life, how you want it.
A
female
reader, braid +, writes (27 June 2010):
braid is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMet up, no arguments,he was asking how I was and when I informed him life was good and how much I was enjoying socialising etc and it was nice that certain people had been in contact (one being a friend who he works with and who put him up when i asked him to leave).He said he was glad and went on to tell me how hard he was working and how he was drinking less.I got the feeling he was surprised that i'm going out more then I used to and have become more friendly with the regulars in our local who he always made out were his friends but have encouraged me to come out and socialise.He then informed me at this moment in time he does not want to work on trying to repair the relationship, to which I replied we should make the split official and I was removing my rings. He then stated he wasn't saying never but he knew not at this moment.I said that we had to set a deadline as to be honest it doesn't make any difference when it's made official as no children involved and my life will continue as it is now.I thought that was sorted until he stated he was moving into a bigger flat in three weeks, I again said we should make it official as that confirmed he saw the relationship as over and he rushed to tell me that he hadn't, the extra room was for his work/drinking buddy to stay over when they go out as he lives twenty miles away. He emphasised he's not making contact with other women and he really doesn't know what he wants.He then said the end of August.What is this man up to!!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 June 2010):
You know, I would tell him to come pick up his mail. Then when he shows up hand it to him and close the door.
I would also suggest he gives you a forwarding address OR a friend of his you can hand it over to.
I agree that you need to make it short and neutral. FI he starts any drama walk away. YOU don't have to deal with this any longer then you have to.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2010): I remember doing this with my ex, meet him for a coffee, take a friend with you, pass on what you need, don't enter in a row with him, it takes two to row. Try and get a forwarding address for his mail so he can't keep using this as an excuse to meet up.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (25 June 2010):
I wish you could speak to my girlfriend who has been through a divorce. When she first met her husband, there were arguments. As time moved on, and she got counselling to help her, she realized the best way to deal with her ex was to just be totally neutral, no matter how hard it was. They never argued again because every time he had a go at her, she just walked away, or if they were on the phone she'd put it down. Pass on the mail, and just leave. If he starts, turn and walk away. Don't stay there and get angry, just walk away.
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