A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:For my friends birthday I decided to treat her to watch a musical. She loves the theatre but rarely gets to go due to cash being tight.The other issue she has is she suffers from vertigo so cannot be sat up anywhere remotely high (she’s had a couple of unfortunate instances with cheap seats whereby she’s had to leave) so the only option are stall seats which are the most expensive. I bought us 2 tickets in the stalls costing me £85 each to watch a musical neither of us have seen before, in 2 weeks time.We are both really excited. However the other week were talking in the phone and she was telling me how her 19 year old daughter really wanted to come too and had been online to buy herself a ticket but couldn’t afford the stall seats and there were no “cheap seats” available. I had a look myself and unfortunately the only seats available were now the ones costing over £100 which really are too expensive. Last night my friend texted me asking if there was anyway if her daughter paid me £40 (it’s all she can afford) would I be happy to give my ticket up for her to go instead. This really annoyed me. Ok I feel bad her daughter can’t afford a ticket but I don’t want to give mine up and lose money on it, I think it was really cheeky of her to even ask!I politely told my friend that I wouldn’t be willing to do this as I can’t afford to be out of pocket myself and I’ve wanted to see this show for a long time.To make it even worse is that we have tickets for the last show near our area, after that the show will be going to other cities far from us which will be inconvenient to get too l, so catching a performance at another venue on a different day isn’t an option. I suggested if anyone in her family or her daughters dad, grandparents, aunts, boyfriend could help her out with the additional £60 so she (with her £40) could buy herself the ticket but was told no, no one has any spare cash to lend her.This whole situation now feels tarred and im annoyed at my friend for putting me in such an awkward position especially after I spent £170 on our tickets. Im not made of money, I really had to budget to able to do this and now she’s ruined it. What would you have done in my position?
View related questions:
cheap, money, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2024): What have you goti8n common with this person? It sounds like she is too lazy to work but you work. It sounds like she is a freeloader who does not respect or care about others, the total opposite of you. But it also sounds like you saw this as a way to get her company for an evening, like a bribe. If she is a friend she would want to spend the evening with you anyway, she would not need that sort of incentive to bother. Your company would be enough. When did she last meet up with you? When did she last suggest a meet? When did she phone you for a chat or is it always you phoning and offering? She lied about things and so did her daughter, people do not treat friends this way.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2024): You should do some research about vertigo online. It is not about heights. It is about the balance of the inner ear. People who get it can be low on the ground anywhere, they are not more likely to get it if higher up somewhere or lower somewhere else etc. Many take antihistamines for it. And movement is not advised when it happens, so the worst thing someone could do then is to decide to get up and go home! Many attacks only last a few seconds so it would be far more sensible and help to stay where you are and just wait a while and then feel ok.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2024): I feel that you don't have any or many real friends so are quick to call this person a friend and try hard to please her simply so that you have someone to visit and someone to call a friend. She knows this and tries to take advantage of it.
I know what it is like to be without friends. I used to work very long hours and had no friends because I was too busy working. Then I cut down my hours and semi retired. The next thing was to try to make friends, so that I had not made a mistake. My work is fascinating and exciting and pays very well so the last thing I wanted to do was to cut down my hours and then waste that extra time. I am an elderly lady so I already know what hobbies and interests suit me and how to fill my time when I am alone. The whole point of cutting down hours and working less - and earning a lot less - the worst part of it - was to have a social life worth having, some good friends, to make it worth that sacrifice.
I found that a lot of people are very selfish and dishonest.
I met some people and hey guess what... within the space of one year I met the following.. all people who were not friends, who I had bumped into for a short chat somewhere -
1. Wanted me to go and paint her conservatory for her so that she could have more time to go out and see her friends!
I have to pay someone to do mine and if I was any good at it and doing it for strangers I would charge. But why would I bother anyway when it would have made more sense NOT to cut down my hours and do something which is more fascinating and pays a lot more.
2. Wanted me to go and sit with her husband who has dementia regularly, babysitting, so she could go out more. She has plenty of money to pay a dementia sitter - there are people who do that as their paid job - she had hired them before.
I could have spent that time doing very well paid work I find fascinating and had chosen not to so that I could improve my social life, not to do something boring and unpaid to save her money.
3. Wanted to keep coming in to play with my dogs. Offered to walk them, but it would have meant she would be spending hours in my house everyday, whenever she picked them up or brought them back. She hangs around the front of her apartment all day and starts to go on and on at any stranger passing by. She is a bore, all she talks about is dogs. We have nothing worthwhile in common. She didn't understand that if I was working it was inconvenient.
I suggested we go for coffee and a chat sometimes so that we could be sort of friends. But she wasn't interested...she cant afford a cup of coffee out! I didn't cut down my work to be stuck indoors all day or bored to death, I need to get out. And going out means she cannot just turn up and outstay her welcome.
As a hobby I am a vine reviewer. I get about five things each day that I review for them. In return my "payment" is to keep the items. I spend time each week distributing these things to various charities and social groups who raffle them to raise money for their cause. I contacted a new
charity/social group asking if they would like to receive these things and raffle them and sent them a list of the things they could have. The lady who runs it said she would talk to her committee and come back to me. She came back to me to tell me she had told her daughters that I would work for them as a (free) fund raiser for their school. I pointed out that I was not interested and had no time for that. She never came back to me and I heard from one of the others that she did not want to speak to me again, as if I had done something wrong. The charity I gave these same things to raised over $1000 dollars from the items she turned her nose up at.
I met an old lady who needed lifts to get back and forth to a social group I was visiting once a week. I gladly offered to pick her up and drop her off. This went on for months.
Then one week she told me that she did not need a lift the following week. Ok I said. Then the day before I went to the social group she kept ringing and ringing (I was out and did not know). The following morning she was ringing and ringing (AGAIN I was out and did not know). i do not use an answer phone as I get lots of clients wanting to leave a message and get me to ring back and it is too time consuming to return so many calls - especially when they are often out when you try - or have changed their mind about signing up.
She got hold of me later to say she had rung to tell me she did not lift a lift that day. Yes I know I said, you had told me that last week, you did not need to let me know again. She shouted and raved at me that it was out of order for me to be out so much. How dare I go out when she wants to speak to me etc.
Just think about yourself and what suits you. Only value people if they care about you and value you.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2024): This woman is not a friend, she is a leech. A player. She has lied to you about various things. She does not want to go out with you for her birthday, so you are not in her eyes a friend anyway. You need to find some real decent friends and not be so quick to call someone a friend and trust them to be honest with you. Only do nice things for friends who do nice things for you too. I've got no money isn't much of an excuse. Does she work? Does she work long hours etc? What does she do to improve her life other than expecting you to do it for her?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2024): To be honest, when your friend said she had to have a more expensive seat because of vertigo I knew she was a drama queen, princess and entitled, as well as dishonest. i know someone who has vertigo and they can go to the theatre and sit in cheap seats, she just wanted the very best without paying herself.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2024): So you have a friend who expects you to fork out £130 on her birthday!
A present of £130 to go to the theatre. Tickets for both her and her daughter!
That is remarkable.
A huge misunderstanding has occurred and it's quite a tough dilemma for you.
Just tell her no.
No, it's not possible.
No, I'm not selling my ticket for £40.
No, you can't have my ticket to sell it off for more outside the theatre.
In fact you could sell her ticket outside the cinema to a stranger yourself and reimburse yourself for your kindness.
Maybe sell both the tickets outside the door or offer to bring the daughter along to do the tricky transaction of touting.
Then take your profit ( you can charge a bit extra for a last minute ticket to a desperate person for a local last night performance).
Then you can grab a coffee and laugh at your daring ability to have fun and help your 'friend' pay her gas bill.
I would imagine it's a very unequal friendship you have.
And you're not in the wrong because you offered a very kind gestures but totally over and above what your friend could afford for you.
Next time (for friends) just buy chocolates and go somewhere for a coffee for under £10.
That way you won't end up feeling used and hurt! Maybe even buy the chocolates from the supermarket so that your friend can afford to return the favour!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2024): Personally I would feel very hurt and disrespected if someone did this to me. I would feel very unappreciated and angry. I would feel like second best.
I think the best way to handle this would be to tell her how YOU feel then see what the response is. Sometimes people just don't realise. Maybe she will apologise or maybe she won't, but the important thing is her intention.
Once you dig a bit deeper you may have a better understanding of each other. Then you can decide whether to remain friends with her.
As regards the ticket, once you've decided what to do, you can either go with her or find someone else to go with. Going alone might feel a bit sad and spoil your enjoyment.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2024): Honeypie when you buy a theatre ticket it is yours, you cannot sell it back to the theatre. If you find you cannot go because of illness or whatever they are not interested. It is your ticket and they keep the money, they are far too busy and don't have the staff to discuss this with 500 different individuals each performance. They would have to charge a lot more per ticket then to cover all of this extra time. But I agree that she should use the tickets themselves and drop this so called friendship. This is a case of give them an inch and they take a yard. And I don't believe that others in the family could not contribute towards her ticket, that was their way of saying that the person asking the question has to pay for it all.
...............................
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (2 June 2024):
 Wow! Just wow! What a rude and entitled individual.
I don't know what your bond is like with her, outside of this incident, but I would be seriously questioning whether I wanted to be friends with someone who did this to me.
Like the other two posters have said, sack her off and gift the ticket to someone else. A real friend would not put you in such an uncomfortable situation.
Enjoy the show. She and her daughter don't deserve to go.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2024): I'm less adamant than the other two ladies and ,since the ticket has been already paid for, and most of all promised, for this time only I would go, without kicking up a fuss. Noblesse oblige.
After which , though, I'd give this person a very wide birth , I would stop making myself available, stop inviting her over , or anywhere, decline her invitations and approaches, and let this friendship die of natural death.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2024): I'd go with somebody else and sack this friend right off.
As somebody else said, she's a mooch and so is her spoilt brat of a daughter. Do you have a daughter you could take? Another close family member even who would appreciate it that you could have a good timw with?
If said friend kicks off just let her know that she put you in a position that you didn'r appreciate and ruined the event for you so to redeem it, you went with somebody else who appreciated the gift more.
She put you in a terrible position so you have every right to do it back.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (1 June 2024):
 Go with someone else. Don't give her your ticket and stop talking to her, what a RUDE "friend".
You gave her an inch (the ticket) and she took a mile (wanting YOUR ticket too).
What in the World?!
This is not a friend, OP
This is a mooch!
Ask someone else (or get a refund for HER ticket and go by yourself.
You don't owe EITHER of them squat!
...............................
|
