A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:About 3 months ago, my husband and I had a fight because I wanted to take a little vacation to visit my good friend. Reason of that fight was he didn’t trust me, and he dislike that friend of mine because he feels that I have changed since I met this friend, he said I become very moody and always get mad at him, etc. Anyway, a week after that fight, he apologized and said that he’s wrong and promised that he will not be like that anymore. So we reconciled and things have been going well. (This is the first time we fought over this friend, I had visited my friend once a year for the past two years, I can feel that he didn’t like it, but he just didn’t say anything)About a month ago, my friend and I wanted to plan a getaway vacation for about 2 weeks, and I told my husband about that, his respond was good. About a week ago, he said that he wants to go for a vacation with me too, his plan is to meet up with me at the end of my 2 week vacation, that way I don’t have to fly back home and then take another flight to our destination. His purpose of that is to save some money which I understand. But I don’t really feel like taking such an extended vacation, I don’t want to be away from home that long, I get home sick and very tiring for me. So I told my husband that if he really want to go for the vacation, I could cancel and postpone the vacation with my friend to next year cause it’ll be very costly to take an extended vacation. The minute I told him, he just blew up and accused my girlfriend didn’t want him to go for the vacation. He kept accusing my friend for trying to breakup our marriage and trying to brainwash me. We had a big fight and I left the house. The next day, my friend told me that he sent her an email and said some very mean things. She asked me if she should respond to his email and perhaps do some explanation. I told her no, because she doesn’t owe him any explanation. I just can’t believe that he did that. Is he going insane ? is he trying to get my friend mad and breakup our friendship ? In his email, he said to my friend to make sure let me about this email so that I will get more mad, he expects to accept the consequences which is ‘divorce’. At this point, I’m debating whether or not I should still go on the vacation with my friend, not sure what to do now. Part of me want to go because I want to give him the message that he can’t stop me from doing what I want to do, but part of me don’t want to go is what has happened and I feel like I want to give up. Any advice, please help !!!
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (28 August 2009):
 Well, I have to say I don't have a clue about this one, either.
A
female
reader, pinktopaz  +, writes (28 August 2009):
Personally, I think he's taking his insecurities out on your friend and using her as a scapegoat. In general, he probably doesn't want you to go for fear that you'll cheat on him being that she's widowed--meaning she's available. After 28 years of marriage, one would think that he should be able to trust you by now!
Perhaps if he met your friend it would ease his mind a little bit? Perhaps in his mind she's some sexed up cougar and wants to go on vacation so that you two can meet some men.
I think it's up to you and your feelings if you still want to go on vacation with your friend. I think you should go for it after you have a talk with your husband. I think there's communication lacking somewhere and he's not getting the whole picture. Ask him why he feels this way, besides that he thinks you're "moody" after you've been around this friend. I think there's much more to it than that. He may just need some reassurance that everything will be okay, and you'll be sure to communicate with him while on your vacation.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2009): I have no idea why either, but obviously you are not between the ages of 26 and 29. I would guess that you are around 50, give or take a few years. I have some other questions and they are personal, so don't answer if you don't want to. However, they could be important.
How is your sex life? Do both of you seem to be satisfied with how it is going? Does he have any signs of depression? Are either of you, especially your hubby, stressed from work? Do either of you work long hours and have a stressful job? Are there any financial problems? Things like these. All of those can cause emotional problems or are signs of other problems.
Sorry for asking a question that you had already answered, but there is a delay in the post time of new people, so I wrote before your post showed up.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe been married 28 years, we go on vacation every year and our children all grown up. My husband has not met this friend of mine before, she is a widow. I have no idea why he would be so angry over this, and dislike my friend.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2009): So you want to go an a vacation for 2 weeks with your friend. No problem. However, are you and your husband planning another vacation together? Have you and your husband gone on vacations together the past 2 years when you have been going on vacation with your friend or do you just spend all of your vacation funds and time going on vacation with this friend? Facts like this would make a big difference to an answer for you.Why doesn't your husband like this friend? Is there something else besides his accusation that you are moody since knowing her? Does she have a reputation of being a big flirt or picking up guys or anything that would make him uncomfortable? Again, facts like this matter to an answer and advice for you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThat's what I don't understand why would he get so angry over this female friend of mine. He kept accusing her that she's trying to interfer and to breakup our marriage. He hasn't met her before. But I don't think so, I just want to have some time spend with my own girlfriends (like girls getaway vacation thing. We been married for 28 years, we go on vacation every years, our children all grown up, I thought that I want more time for myself and do things that I like to do.
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male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (28 August 2009):
While I was reading your post, I was wondering whether this "friend" was male or female. Yes, she's female. I kind of assumed the friend would be female, because I didn't think you wouldn't understand his point of view if the friend were male. But, we know it's a female.I need more information. Why would a man get so angry with a female friend of his wife's?
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