A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello,Recently my girlfriend has been depressed due to a few issues in her life. Because of this she has become distant with me, to the point where we no longer have sex and she rarely makes any physical contact with me anymore. Of course I was horrified when this behaviour started but after reading up on facts with regards to depression I now realise her actions are normal, and they will improve over time as long as I give her time.I confronted her about this and things began to improve slightly and recently even when she stopped putting kisses on her emails and texts I managed to bite my tongue and try to support her. But the last couple of weeks she has started calling me "dude".I know I may sound paranoid, but as far as I can see this latest issue means we have just become friends and no more!Am I being paranoid? I really don't know where to go from here! I love her and I want to tell her that I need more, but I'm afraid she will just feel more depressed.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2007): i think you can support her without feeling degraded to dude status. if she says it again, maybe you could play with her and say what's up with this dude business, chick? don't confront her about it, just bring it up casually or playfully so she doesn't feel like she's getting called out during this rough time..then just say you love her and that it makes you feel worthless, which she should relate to b/c of the depression! i've been moderately depressed before but i guess i shouldn't speak for everybody when i say that one is still...fairly resilient and could take a lot. it feels like one bad thing on top of another and another and adding to it is inevitable. there are a lot of medication options for your girlfriend,wellbutrin worked for me, so i mean...just don't let her get defeatist about that too!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe hasn't seeked any help, but she did tell me that in the past she has been depressed and they prescribed medication, which she says didn't work.
I'll hang in there, I think you are right...it is a friend she needs right now. To be called "dude" though is extremely difficult...I think maybe its her way of trying to be closer at this difficult time.
I'll try and convince her that it might be a good idea to seek help.
Thanks for your help.
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A
female
reader, calamitysil +, writes (3 December 2007):
 Is your girlfriend doing anything to help her depression? Has she seen her GP, counselling, or taking any medication? It's very difficult for her as well as you, because it's extremely difficult to connect with someone when they are depressed. They tend to pull away from closeness, lose interest in sex, and become very focussed on themselves and their own feelings, leaving very little room in their lives for their significant others. She needs to get some professional help and maybe you can encourage her? Try and get her outdoors as well, go for walks as one of the best ways of combatting depression is exercise in the fresh air. She'll lack motivation, so you'll need to practise some tough love. She'll probably become quite abusive, but once out there, she'll feel a whole lot better!!
To be honest it's a friend she needs right now, not a lover. If you love her, hang in there and ride the bad times with her. Wishing you all the best!!
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