A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok I'm a 26 year old man, who has been married 6 years. I have within the last 6 months fallen into a strange situation with a girl I started talking to online. It started off with me just being horny, looking for a girl to talk dirty with, but things progressed as this one girl I started talking to seemed particularly sexually compatible with me. After our "conversation" we talked a little more, and she explained to me she was not usually into men, but she found my attitude and sexual tastes extremely appealing. She was also quite fond of my appearance, and repeatedly asks for pictures of me. We have extremely sexual conversations probably 5 times a month, while we have conversations which range from small talk to venting about work or our relationships every time we have the chance. I have started to feel very strongly about this girl, more strongly than I have felt about anyone in a long time. Almost like how I felt when I fell in love with my wife, only more exciting. I know I shouldn't cheat on my wife with this girl, and that is not really my question. My main question is do I tell my friend that I have feelings for her and do I arrange a meeting with her? Traveling 900 miles for a hook up and sometime to hang out is a bit crazy, yeah we consider each other friends as well. Anyway what should I do! Again please don't lecture me on the whole marriage and cheating thing...I know I shouldn't based on that, but based on everything else what should I do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, mytwocents +, writes (11 May 2009):
 I won't lecture you on the cheating thing, since I agree that's not what you need right now and it wouldn't make a bit of difference to how you feel anyway. I'd love to give you an good, informed opinion but would like to know a little bit more about your logistics.
1. Can you get away for a couple of days without arousing (no pun intended) any suspicion from your wife?
2. How's your relationship with your wife?
3. How's the sex?
4. You seem to have been married quite young. What's the story there? Kids?
Also, how much do you know about this new girl?
5. Has she reciprocated and sent you many pictures of herself?
6. Is she, I'd hate to ask, of-age?
7. What's her relationship "situation"?
8. Is she single or she stuck in a similar relationship as you?
9. Are there specific reasons why YOU'RE the one to travel the whole distance?
10. Have you only spoken online or have you had phone or text conversations?
These are all important concerns in making a decision like this (non-recklessly). If you can't comfortably answer these questions, I would definitely advise against doing it RIGHT NOW. If you can, let us know a few more details.
A
female
reader, Mikados are lush!  +, writes (9 May 2009):
 I am leaning towards what anon has said! And online 'relationships' are nothing like real life. You haven't had to pay the gas bill with her etc! Of course its exciting. But its fake. Its escapism from the real world for you, because you're obviously bored with the misses now. But even if you go meet the girl, and 900 miles????? mad, eventually it will end up the same way. The honeymoon period never lasts in a relationship. It changes into something completely different, and its how you adapt to that, that makes any relationship work. I think you need to work your own mind out before getting into anything at all with someone else. Let alone travel 900 miles just for a roll in the hay!xxxxxxxxxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2009): Online romance is like no other feeling I have every had! It is exciting and erotic! But, as everyone has said here, it may not work out the way you imagine it. It is normal to want more from this mysterious relationship. All you can do is hope for the best...but expect the worst. Admit to yourself that meeting in person could be a huge letdown! And then again...I have known of lots of success stories. There are probably by far more disappointing ones however.
What really strikes me about your post is that you haven't mentioned love for your wife! If you are not in love with her...maybe you need to set her free, regardless of what happens with your fantasy girl.
You need to spend some time reflecting on your present life. Sort things out in your mind. What do you really want? Only you hold the answers!
Good Luck with whatever you decide! And I for one, would love to know how it all turns out if you do decide to make the 900 mile journey! Please keep us posted!
Britt
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2009): I had an online experience about 9 years ago. I live in NY and she lived in Toronto, but I was single. you're married, is it worth it? only you know. Ask for pictures and webcam and make sure she's a woman!!!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2009): from experience alot of people i thought i knew online are alot different in real life, thats looks and personality.If i were you, Id let the wife go first as she should be treated fairly, let her find someone who wants her.Then id look for someone who i could get to know in real life, not fall for an online fantasy (and believe me they never are).
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2009): Why don't you remember how you fell in love with your wife.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2009): Please don't do it. My husband did it to me a couple of months ago and I found out about it before he met her but he still insisted on going. If you meet her your relationship with your wife will never be the same again. We have been married for 26 years and this is the first time he has done this sort of thing. It happened the same way you describe, started out just dirty talk which I never felt threatened about. But then it became more of an emotional attraction and perhaps "in love" with the idea/fantasy of that person. When he actually met her and spent 8 days with her, he said he really liked her as a person and he believed they clicked, but he was not leaving me for her, she lived in Canada and we in UK, each of them with their own families.If you really value your marriage and you are happy with your wife, talk to her about what you need more of, perhaps sex is the problem, perhaps she can act out the fantasies that you speak about with this woman. Are you open with her about your fantasies?Think very carefully about this as it will ruin your relationship, she will never trust you again and she will be so, so hurt from the betrayal that no one can explain how it really feels unless you are going through yourself.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2009): 900 miles is certainly a long way! That's a good day's driving each way - and unless you're intending to go by air you'll need to take at least 3 days out, allowing one day for the hooking up part. I suppose you could arrange to meet halfway and cut down on the travelling time.
It could well be that any pictures she sends are not of her, or at least taken a few years ago, so what you see might not be what you get. You could have a very long trip and be disappointed at the end of it. And so might she. You might think you have feelings for this girl, but are they real? At the moment she's just words and pictures on a computer screen and the reality could be a whole lot different to what you're expecting.
How will you explain 3 days absence to your wife without raising her suspicions? I suppose if you're dead set on doing this you'll do it, no matter what advice you get on here. At the end of the day it's your decision, no-one else can make the decision for you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2009): What? Have you taken leave of your senses? Driving 900miles for sex is ....YEAH!! c-r-a-z-y.Can’t you see this is lust, a fantasy with someone on the internet? It’s like shopping for a ring on EBay. It looks all sparkly till you receive it in the post. Sure this sounds all exciting but you have one BIG problem and that is your [I know you don’t want us to mention her] yes YOUR WIFE. We can’t tell you what to do, but you have a choice and you already know that this is a bad choice and you already know what your consequences will be. My advice will be to step away from your computer for a few months and see if those feelings are still there without any contact, if they are still strong then I suggest you end it with your wife .She does not deserve to be lied to and cheated on. If its excitement you are looking for try talking dirty to your wife ,who knows she might be feeling just like you ....bored with your sex life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2009): well i would first divorce wife - as very unfair on her, she has chosen you over everyone else and now has to find number 2. Obviously you aren't into her.
then i would go see this girl and see if it works in person. Stranger things have worked, than distance...
Star.x.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2009): If you dont love your wife, and tell her your leaving her for this girl go ahead.
She more then likely wont be happy = she wont want to be with you...
YOu have your new girl, shes not what you think, you beg for your wife back but she says no.
Thats the way i see it going down.
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