A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi I'm in a love triangle and I need your help and advice.... I'm 19 years old and I'm married so I guess that would make this not just cheating but have an affair... I've been married a little over a year now and we dated 2 years before we got married...Let's start from the begining.... most people ask why did we get married so young and I'll tell you why... 1st we are religious even tho this might not seem so and we believe as christians you should be married if you live 2gether... he was in the army so of course the question of marriage came up more than once because he in the military LOL! but anyhow he had just got out of the army and moved in at his grandmas house and I was staying with my mom... both our houses was crowded with relatives and we both didnt even have our own room no more and we decided 2 get a place 2gether after i graduated 7 that was the plan and so we did...i changed a lot for him... learning 2 cook hot meals every nite and cleaning you know the works a cookie cutter wife and I was left feeling unappreciated and he would come home and blame me for why he was in debt and take a long day at work out on me or just give me a cold shoulder. He woudn't even say thank you for the dinner. I would stay up late and make just to make sure it was hot when he got home form work on his late shift... that kinda stuff sent me on edge... I would pray i would do everything the other women in church would tell me 2 do but it just left me broken again and again! Things got worse between us and we started seeing other sides of each other that we didnt like but we were still happy and in love and we thought that maybe these things were happening 2 us because we arent married and we are living 2gether. when we moved in and somehow it got back 2 the church and they told us we had 2 make a decision either 2 get married or not be members of the church no more... I didn't wanna move back with home and neither did he and i loved my church so we just got married.... we l both loved eachother and it seemed right at the time because we were thinking about it and we felt that now things would get easier for us like marriage was the magic solution you know? but reality would soon set in....Things didnt get better in the 1st 8 months of our marriage i tried so hard 2 look over his ugly ways 7 his verbal abuse and i would just be left depressed and hurt and my body soon showed it i had gained 30 lbs and he was being really insensitive about it... it was like all the love and romance went out the door and all that was left was this image of a person i thought i knew... with time violence on both partys and arguemnts filled our home and he would always throw divorce in my face and all i wanted to do was work things out... when i got married i had no outlets cuz my main priority was 2 work on my marriage and he would tell me ur getting fat why dont yu get a life! and that was the last straw i had had enough....from there i started going 2 the gym tryna heal these wounds that marriage had givin me... i did i lost the weight and started trying to hang out with my best friend againyu kno tryna get my groove back... then one night he snapped and we got it a huge fight we were at each others throat cuz he was upset that i had went out that nite but he told me 2 get a life...He moved out soon after that and we were broke up for 3 months... he tried hard 2 win me back 7 i woud just treat him sooo bad and just laugh at him when he would come around with flowers and embarrassed him in front of my homegirls.... when i finally seen him move on with this gurl i wanted him back... the single game had lasted long enough the lease on our apartment had ended and he wanted me 2 move in with him at his gmas house in august of '08 so i did it was only suppose to be tempory but were still here...i stopped going 2 church.... i was upset i thought thats what had got me in the young and underage mess in the 1s place... havent been back since.... im a different person now.... i stopped working 9-5 and got a job as a hooter gurl... he hates it...he say he doesnt want ppl staring at his wife but i love it and the tips that come with it arent 2 bad either... hes just jealous i think because when we 1st got married i quit working cuz he wanted 2 "take care of me" but he just wanted that to throw in my face when we got in a arguement and he would curse at me and say i pay all the bills... so we argue about my job alot.since we got back 2gether we have been on and off either cuz my job or our living sitaution because i dont get along well with his gma.... so in that time i met a guy.... his name is "David" well david is fun 2 be around a great friend and keeps my interest... plus we have great sex... which me and the hubby dont have 2 often and i try 2 avoid it at all cost... it was suppose 2 be just sex with me and david but it grew into something more over the last 4 months im falling in love and so is he... the crazy part is he doesnt even kno im married.... and what once was ima just mess with david when me and the hubby break up is now ans ungoing thing... The strangest thing is that know that i have been seeing David me and hubbys relationship has been going alot smoother i guess because apart of me cares but 2 an extent and i dont have crazy voilent filled arguements with him no more but now its killing me with all the lies I'm telling the hubby and david and i dont want 2 chose between the two i love them both in their own seperate ways...Hubbystable.... wanna have kids with him and build a future hes reliable and safe and we have this karamatic connection like we should be destined 2gether but we are total oppisites im wild hes calm but he evens me out 7 we complement eachother well....Davidcomforting... he just like me we are so in tune hes a freak like me awesome sex and if i wasnt in this sitaution me and him would really be together.... i feel like hes my soulmate but i feel like that about hubby too!i wish i could marry bothe or somehow fuse them 2gether cuz they both bring something different and special 2 the table i cant help but feel this way...but i know thats not realistic i was seriously thinking over having a divorce cuz my only commitment is to the hubby before its to late and i have a baby with him and i feel really trapped or even have it a illegitimit child with david... but my temporary solution is birth control... but i need some real solutions... i was also thinking about getting a divorce and having them both. the hubby as my boyfriend and david as my lover.. even tho tht may sound silly but it curb the guilt of having an affair.... it would just be cheating then... i just dont wanna hurt either one of them... i wanna handle this before the shit hits the fan! LOLplease help me and give me advice out of love and care and dont judge me to hard im sure im not the only wife that has felt this way before....
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affair, at work, best friend, broke up, christian, debt, depressed, divorce, flowers, jealous, military, move on, moved in, moved out, soulmate, trapped, violent Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, likewow99 +, writes (17 January 2009):
if you're not completely happy with your husband and you guys have talked about it and can't work it out, don't stay in the marriage.. also if you married beacause you felt forced to.
But dont divorce him if things can be worked out for somebody else.. you like this david guy.. but remember that he's new. He might be different later, just like your husband turned out to be.
Dont have kids with either of them!!!
and u say cheating is better than an affair.. well, you already had an affair, so..
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2009): that has to be tough, i give you mad props and deffiently feel for you.
first of all, i think your church pushed you into this marriage, you both may have thought it was the right thing to do, but i don't think you really looking before you jumped.
the whole "cant live together if you're not married" thing doesn't make too much sense to me, not to go against what you may believe.
but, i think in any relationship, you're better off living with your partner first to get a feel of how they live, and there different ways before you acually make that huge commitment.
i think you and your husband want the same things in the long run, you've settled, you want kids, and have planned your lifes together.
with david, i personally think it's just a fling, it's exciting to you, it's something new, you're having fun, and you both might think you're in love, but it may infatuation, but you never know!
so, i would really look into that a little more, and see if its what you TRUELY want.
as for the hubby, i would try marriage counseling,
and see where that takes you.
hope i helped! :)
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A
female
reader, MommyOfOne +, writes (12 January 2009):
 Wow. I feel for you. This is the perfect example of two things: marrying to young, AND marrying for the wrong reasons.
Sit down and figure out what you want. And don't be in haste. Take your time. If in time, you still can't choose, I would separate from your husband. And keep up with birth control if you're sleeping with both!
Have you thought of marriage counseling?
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