A
female
age
41-50,
*ritydao
writes:Hi I've been separated for about 10 years now and have a 12-year-old son. I've been through to a lot of relationship after my separation and my husband was remarried too and had a daughter already to his 2nd wife but was separated again 2 years ago. Last year he approached me again and tried to start all over again. Because I've been broken and never found the right guy ever since I agree with him and tried our luck again but when we started living together I realized that it wont gonna work because I don't feel anything for him anymore. I told him that it's better for us to stay friends for the sake of our son but he got angry and started to avoid me. Before, he always helps me whenever I ask for financial help but now he refuses and hard to approach. Me, I always ended up with a failed relationship. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm trying my best just to make the relationship work coz I want to have my own family and I'm not getting any younger. Sometimes I feel so alone and wanna love again but can't find the right guy for me. Most of them were just using me or just looking for fun. What am I gonna do? I'm just staying at home and I rarely go out so how can I meet a new relationship with that kind of life! I was also having a hard time finding a job so I'm still dependent to my ex-husband's remittance that was not enough for me and for my son. I really don't know what to do with myself, I'm confused and depressed. Please help me... I'm begging you :(
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2009): You seem to be young, you probably got married early too and got divorced at a young age. You need to ask from yourself why did you marry this man and why did you divorce? Has this affected your future life and relationships in any way?
Usually if something ends then there is a reason why your marriage ended. You probably have not done the marriage/relationship inventory. You need to understand what keeps your ex husband in your life and is it healthy for you to still have him around.
Maybe you have beeon focused too much on trying to get into another relationship or marriage, forgetting yourself and taking care of yourself. Perhaps you are attracted to the same type of guys because they remind you somebody from your past.
You need to focus on yourself, your child and focus on your future/getting a job. Before you do decide to get into another relationship analyze your past and find patterns that lead you to failed relationships. Find yourself. If you know who you are and what you need then you'll get a guy who can meet your needs and who'll treat you well.
Maybe the guys in your previous relationships were not mature, or they only wanted sex or some other sort of casual relationship or they were unhealthy in some other way?
If the guys used you, then WHY DID YOU LET THEM USE YOU? You do need to take care of yourself and learn the patterns of abusers etc, other wise if you do not do relationship inventories and do not learn to live with the person you are and love yourself enough-YOU'LL END UP WITH ABUSERS. If necessary go to counselling and get help with sorting out your life and who you are as a person. And have high standards and high self-esteem, they'll keep you safe.
A
female
reader, sheribaby38  +, writes (12 January 2009):
 well when you have a job or a career your have more opertunities to meet people. mr. right is not going to knock on your door hun. get out there and see what this beautiful world has out there to offer you. when your working and making your own money youll be independent and trust me men find this very sexy. so stop being depressed and monday get a newspaper and start job hunting!! good luck!
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