A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my husband for 12 years and married 6, We have two kids together a son 16 months and a daughter 4. Recently I have found a lost love online that I have been searching for since before I was married. I love my husband but feel I am slowly falling out of love with him. These feelings have came even before my lost love was found. We have been emailing each other and the love I had for him years ago has came back! I want to be with him but cannot even imagine hurting the husband or kids.But I am not happy and would love to be happy! Now my lost love also has kids and is in the process of divorce. I want to be with him so badly but cannot imagine taking my children from their father! To make matters worse, my lost love is in another state! I just feel I could never take my kids so far from their dad! But Love my lost love! What do I do? This man makes me feel so loved and wanted and needed unlike my husband whom I feel I am a burden to! Please someone help me I am going out of my mind, trying to find the right answer, if there is one?
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male
reader, roadman  +, writes (19 January 2009):
 Well ok, you need to start talking to the people that matter,which is those in this story,and let everyone know how your feeling,if your not happy with the man your living with then he needs to know you wish to leave,as for the other guy you love then thats a different issue,but its a case of dealing with one thing at a time....
So 1st thing is to tell your husband your not happy and go about how you tent to split,once you deal with that then your free to move on to your new love..Don't put the kids in the middle,what ever happens they will grow up and get on with there life,but it seems to me you need time out so call it,once you've had time out alone then you can really think about what you want,before taking a new step.
A
male
reader, NITRAM BLUE  +, writes (19 January 2009):
 Do you stay in a loveless marriage just for the sake of your kids? Modern and Western ideas would answer a straight and unequivocal "no."
If you ask me what my preference is, I would rather have no marriage or any kind of relationship at all but I would like to have kids instead. Children are gifts of God, they have the innocence that you and me no longer have. Your children are your own flesh and blood. If you love youself and seek happiness for yourself, I believe you should seek their happiness also. If I were a mother, I rather starve to death than my children suffer the hunger pangs.
If you seek a divorce, there must be grounds for divorce. You can check the grounds of divorce in this website applicable to what state you belong.
http://patriot.net/~crouch/50states/
If you want to watch a video about recovering from divorce and effects of divorce on children, there are a number of videos available at this site:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m_8PAcLimyo
You need to do some soul searching and decide. Maybe God can help when you cant find answers among friends.
God bless.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI completely understand what everyone is saying,but my question is,Do you stay in a loveless marriage just for the sake of your kids? I mean I just today talked to my lost love on the telephone. It made all of these emotions and feelings just pour out of my head! The reason I call him a lost love was really not very tragic, we dated and became very serious with each other, I had some family issues and had to move away. He came searching for me during the time I was dating my husband,and told my mother he was going to join the army and he wanted me back in his life. At the time my husband and I were not married but since my mother told him I moved we both just drifted apart.He is now back in my life and I can't help but wonder what could have been? He says he still loves me as I do him. I picture his face in my head everyday all day! But my problem is my daughter, She thinks her daddy ropes the moon and I don't want to hurt her, my son is not old enough to understand anything yet but, she is! My best friend tells me that I need to think of my happiness and if I am not happy my kids are not happy! I don't know what I should do next, should I take that leap and ask for divorce or should I try to make it work even though I know it won't. (Also to the person who asked how I have time to talk to him on the net, I only get on when they are napping or at night when they are asleep, Noone knows anything but me and my best friend!) But could someone lead me in the right direction because I seriously do not know what that is?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2009): i think you need to put your husband and children before you and your feelings. they need you, but you need to be happy. you infer to this guy as 'lost love' which infers to me that the process of loosing him was tragic. i think you need to put this love in the past and move on into the future with your family. you may have lost a 'love' but you have found another. leave the past in the past
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A
male
reader, roadman +, writes (18 January 2009):
There 3 ways you can find happiness in this story,,1. is to leave with your kids and go and set up life with the man you love.(Which might not work out in the long run)2. Spend time between the men if they like it or not or 3. Lose the lost love you found again and just get on with your family life and think what is importent the future and well being of your childern or who you would rather wake up in the morning with,but which ever way someone will feel pain in this story,what ever you do as a mother don't let it be your childern..
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A
male
reader, roadman +, writes (18 January 2009):
There 3 ways you can find happiness in this story...1. Is to leave with your kids and go and set up life with the man you love. 2. Spend time between the men or 3. Lose the lost love you found again and just get on with your family life.
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A
male
reader, NITRAM BLUE +, writes (18 January 2009):
Some of the people have different views on marriage from the way I see it. There can be a marriage, but no love. There can be love, but no marriage. Ladies and gentlemen, this is a case worth looking into.
First and foremost, being married has its legal set-backs. Should you have an affair, you are prone to any legal impediments that your husband can throw at you - adultery is one. To remedy that you can file for divorce.
Next, having children is a problem likewise. You have young kids, vulnerable and growing up. They need you as their mother. The time to leave them most likely is when they are 18, independent and leave the nest.
Wouldn't it be sufficient for you, if you have this man to be "an online friend" instead of risking the known life you have now to jump to something unknown? He is in the process of divorcing his wife and leaving his children behind - so he says. His relations with his wife didn't work out for him, what is the chance it would work out with you? Another unknown.
Married life is one living hell. I've been there and done that. I know it is hell and I don't see myself entering another helluva relationship with anyone in the near future.
Marriage is not a word, it is a sentence (like life imprisonment, or the death penalty). There are happy moments and sad moments in a marriage and in a relationship. It involves trust, fidelity and love. Maybe, you are just experiencing a sad episode - they say after the storm, the sun will comeout.
Be optimistic, I am crossing my fingers that your present marriage will work and your children to grow up with loving parents.
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