| A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I have a real problem.. I got married to a man 2 months ago but I'm. Not enjoying being married. We have become boring and don't have much to talk about anymore. Everytime I suggest doing something fun or exciting he makes an excuse and we end up sitting in front of the TV sleeping on two different sides. Additionally now I can see myself being a lot more insecure and paranoid as I can see him checking out other woman and what else... before it didn't bother me as he'd always been loving towards me ie like holding my hand or outing his arm around me so I'd didon't feel as insecure... however now he doesn't do any of that and it's having an impact on my insecurity levels.. I've spoken to him about this a few times and initially he comes across very understanding and sympathetic.. but never changes and makes me feel more loved? What do I do.. it's been 2 months shouldn't we be loved up
View related questions:
insecure Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, liddel  +, writes (11 March 2018):
The first year is the hardest and that never seems to change. Two months is not enough time to get upset. Usually, it gets a lot better.For starters, you don't have to do everything together. Do things with friends and have other interests. Keep inviting him but don't be hurt if he turns you down. There will probably be some mutual interests that he takes you up on.Everyone checks out members of the opposite sex but most of us are thoughtful enough to be sly about it. Don't you do that too? When he does that, give him a gentle punch in the arm, and say, "eyes here!", all very lightheartedly. Then grab his hand.If you have a couch or love seat, make him sit with you. Laughingly tell him that you "vowed" to be together and tell him you didn't get married to sit alone. I think with some gentle nudging, he will come along. General closeness in a relationship breeds even more emotional closeness. You still have 10 months to go until the end of the first year and the second might be tough as well. Be tough and lightly make demands to the relationship. It's very likely you will succeed.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (5 March 2018):
 It sounds like since you got married you have both just fell in to a routine, this can happen. Also a lot of women feel down after a wedding because they don't know what to do with there time now. If he keeps making excuses about doing something fun with you, then just leave him in front of the tv and call some friends and go out and do something fun. Just because you are married doesn't mean you need to do everything together. As for sitting watching the tv, why are you both on different sides? Snuggle up beside him, make the first move!!
If he is checking out other women then nudge him and say you feel it is disrespectful. Why be paranoid and insecure he choose to marry you, he choose to make you his wife, you should be feeling more secure now than ever. If you are out and about why not grab hold of his hand? Or ask him to put his arm around you. It happens in a lot of relationships where all this stuff frizzles out, it doesn't mean that he loves you any less. He is just falling in to a routine. Do you show him any love and affection? Do you put your arm around him or hold his hand? Remember it works both ways.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2018): Now that you're his wife, you don't have to wait for him to make the first move. If you want to hold his hand, take his hand. If you want to snuggle with him on the couch in-front of the TV; say "lets snuggle," and lean-in.
Being married takes getting used to. Some things will change from when you were dating, and some won't. When you catch him staring at a woman, nudge him with an elbow or tap him on the shoulder to remind him that he's a married-man now. Use your words! Inform him that staring at women in-front of your wife is highly disrespectful. You don't like it, and it makes you feel uncomfortable!
Sit him down and explain (without a nagging or bossy tone) that you still like holding hands and enjoy when he touches you. Don't ever stop doing that!
Do sweet little things for him out of nowhere. This will modify his behavior. If you want to get out of the house, tell him at the beginning of the week you'd like to go out Friday or Saturday night for dinner, or a movie. You want to get out of the house. Meet your friends out for drinks. Start a fun-routine or tradition to look forward to. Ask him what he'd like to do and do it together.
Sometimes you have to coax or coach your mate; because getting lazy, domesticated, and complacent isn't what marriage is all about. I guess we men tend to feel settling-down means we're off the market, so why bother? Sometimes marriage seems restrictive; so it's best to be a homebody and it minimizes trouble.
Don't let him become a couch-potato. He'll get lazy and pickup unhealthy pounds. Get a couple of bikes or a dog; so you have reason to get-out in the fresh-air. You're not a boring old married-couple yet. Keep reminding him you didn't marry him to sit around the house all the time. You want to do things together and you're serious about it.
Keep in-touch with your girlfriends. You need to stay active and social. Maintain your own circle of friends. You don't have to cling to him 24/7!
Keep two-way communication open and make sure he's listening. Not just nodding approvingly just to get you off his back. Complacency and laziness leads to boredom; and that leads to mischief or fighting.
Don't start complaining about everything either. It's not all up to him to show you affection. You can be spontaneous and give him a hug or kiss on the cheek. Ask for a kiss when he's leaving and when he gets home. Make it a habit.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2018): Get some sexy nightys.Jump his bones.Surprize him with the best bj ever.Make a sexy dinner and for desert just get chocolate sauce and whipped cream and eat it off each other.Spice up your sex life and the rest will fall in place.
...............................
|
