A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My guy's great. Sex life isn't that much due to health issues, but I'm not as concerned about that as his, 'don't give a shit' attitude, which is great in some ways. He's lived in a town I moved to his entire life, so he knows everyone, and was a big party goer in his past. I'm the more reserved bookworm, who happens to be outdoorsy, and plussize. I've never been to a concert until this past weekend, and while there he had no issue with women he grew up with 'touching' him. While the touches themselves weren't too obnoxious, there was once or twice I felt annoyed as I was sitting there with my arm around him. We've been together nearly two years, and I've never met these women before. One popped him on his nipple, playfully, and one time I almost did that, he pitched a fit! With her, he didn't say a thing! Another woman asked to be on his shoulders, with me standing right next to him, me being a bit larger, I couldn't but in and say, no me first! I told him he wouldn't want me up on another man, or popping another mans chest, why is it ok for these women to cross the boundary? he says I'm making too big a deal, and he's like a big brother to them. So gimme your two cents guys, cause I'm feeling like I got a bit left out of the equation when these women showed up.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2018): hmmmmmAs a man, It isn't "nothing" when a woman's butt is sitting on your shoulders and her vagina is pressed into the back of his head. It isn't to her either and it was likely a power play on her part. That doesn't necessarily mean she wants to steal him but a power play nonetheless. As for the nipple tweaking, inappropriate. The least you should have done is give a very disapproving look and it wouldn't have been unwarranted to say something. When someone climbed on your boyfriends shoulders, the correct response should have been, "get the f*** off my boyfriend".You're not making a too big a deal of it. He is not these women's brother. My sisters don't tweak my nipples and haven't been on my shoulders since we were young teens. If that is how he truly acts with family, you've got bigger problems than these.
A
female
reader, OddRabbit +, writes (6 March 2018):
Anonymous female reader. He hasn't associated with any of these women, or any of the other friends except for a brief hello via FB messenger in the past two years. He fell hard on his luck and suffered a back injury and is just recently recovered ( another reason I was annoyed with her climbing on him, since he just told everyone there about it!) I feel like it's double standard when he gets upset with me, but not the other females. He has refused to apologize, and after once more approaching him about it, has requested space. He's lost a few friends this past year, and is struggling with depression. He often tells me stories about his 'glory days'. I don't have those. I have my children, my ex husband, and that's it. He brags about my intelligence, and then I feel he dismisses my EQ at the same time with other similar situations.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (6 March 2018):
 Has he saw these women in the two years you have both been together? Or is it a case of old friends who he doesn't really see? So when these women touched him and you got annoyed did you say anything to him? I mean if he almost had a fit one time when you done it but it is okay for another women to pinch his nipple then yes I would be asking him why. Personally that would also annoy me.
As for the women asking to sit on his shoulders, again I can understand why it annoyed you, but I doubt that she meant any harm, in fact I wouldn't imagine any of these women meant any harm.
If you are feeling left out then you cannot help but feel that way. But I need to ask was it him that made you feel left out? Or was it the fact that he let a woman pinch him, and allowed another girl on his shoulders? You both need to talk about this, he feels you are over reacting, but he obviously doesn't see the issue the same as you, so you need to be honest with him about how it has made you feel.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2018): wiseowl, just wanted to reach out and say thanks, it's hard for me to start over. My only and I divorced after 14 years, and it was a rough relationship, and I find myself overthinking things. I did attempt small talk with these women, and rarely do I struggle with this. I'm generally outgoing, and have no problem making friends, and in the short time I've lived in this small town, I've developed a great reputation. I didn't stay in bitch mode while there, but did ask my fellow about it later, and he did, as you mentioned, dismiss it to just being friendly, which for me was unacceptable. I told him I felt it was not respectful, and he said to just drop it. So I hit bitch mode then. It's what I needed thank you!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2018): People from back in the day, exes, and people who grew-up with your guy feel they have "family-privileges."
Familiarity gives them some leeway.
Tweaking a nipple is stupid adolescent-nonsense. It's playful when girl on guy; but not the other way around! Inappropriate in-front of a girlfriend, or his wife? Yes, but they didn't know you.
My point here is to stay more focused along the lines of implementing respectful-boundaries. Not being a jealous-girlfriend! Your insecurities are another issue.
They have an excuse. They've never seen you before, but they all go way-back! These same women would probably snatch you bald and try to claw your face off if you did the same to one of their men. Go figure!
Honestly! It all seems quite ruff and tumble or tom-boyish to me! Not flirtatious or sexual!
He didn't bother to stop and introduce anybody. He simply picked-up where they left-off, like old-times. Which means he's not just laid-back, he's inconsiderate. Sort of stupid, and has bad-manners. You're his lady, and the respect you get is ushered-in by how he introduces you to those who know him, but don't know you. That was an opportunity to clear-away any misunderstandings. Then you can adjust to their familiarity. You were both caught off-guard.
It's almost a reflex-action to hold up your hands to stop the grab-fest long enough to introduce everyone to the lady standing next to you. Cowboys and hicks don't get a pass on manners; they're not stupid. They'll play the "I'm a dude and don't know any better card." Bullsh*t! He knows what other guys better not do with you in-front of him.
Let an old boyfriend smack your butt, and see how well that goes!
If he sets no boundaries out of respect for you; that means they'll get down-right personal, or cross the line again and again. Being a boyfriend has rules and regulations on how you treat your lady. You didn't entirely overreact; but he did dismiss your feelings about it. He put the others first. Wrong move! He had a golden-opportunity to set things straight and keep the peace. That's where stupid comes in.
He neglected to introduce you to these people when you first started dating; so no boundaries are set, and they have no idea what your relationship to him is. If they think they have family-privileges, and they're a little rusty in the manners-department. They simply "don't give a shit!"
Well, tell him how that made you feel. Tell him you didn't like women grabbing all over him. It made you feel like a fool standing there. If he insists you're overreacting; then this is going to be a big problem. He should care if you're upset or uncomfortable.
This has nothing to do with your size. It's about manners and boundaries. Don't get it twisted.
When a guy shows no respect for you in-front of people, those people won't respect you either. His "lay-back anything-goes" attitude may be more than you can handle. So be a little more serious when you tell him how much you didn't like it. Address it one more time. Then drop it.
No change. Then the option is left to drop him!
It's left up to you, if you allow a boyfriend to treat you like you're just a casual-date; and not his committed-girlfriend. Demand respect when you don't get! If you don't get it, leave!
Don't be angry at the girls; they didn't know who you are.
His reaction to your feelings was too dismissive. To be honest, you could have asked for formal-introductions; instead of standing there all pissed-off and going into bitch-mode. Making your appearance and body-weight the issue.
They recognized an old-buddy, and he thinks of them like little sisters. Just establish this point. Now that they know he has a girlfriend, that should all change. They're not little girls anymore, they're women. You're his girlfriend; and you demand respect from him, and everybody he knows.
Don't bring your body-image into the situation. That's a separate matter. This was a single incident at a concert. Don't make him right about blowing it out of proportion.
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