Married to an alcoholic. Can you please advise me?

A female age , *galcoholichusband writes:

Hello, I'm a wife of an acolholic husband and would like some advice other than my family and friends as sometimes I think they tell you what you want to hear. We met when I was 21 and he was 33. I was a bartender and thats where I met him. He was a divorced man with 2 childern that lived with him. We later married after 5 yrs. We had one child together and she is now 17. We left in july because I just couldn't take the emotional abuse anymore. He drank when we started dating about a 12 pk a day but when you young and in love you don't see those things or don't want to see those things but looking back I see it all and now he drinks a 30 pk a day and has become over the years very verbally abusive to myself and our child. I can't do anything right for him. Everything I do is wrong and anything that happens is my fault even though its not. I think the last straw was finding his loaded pistol in the file cabinet in the dining room. It has been in the back spare bedroom for years and we didn't know what his plans for it were maybe nothing but we didn't want to chance it. Also he had left to go to the field to check his irragator and was gone for a few hours but that meant nothing to me because he would always leave and come back ours later so around 10 pm I was sitting outside with the dogs and he came walking up to the house seen the dog and said to the dog lets go in the house and didn't see me sitting at the table on the patio so I said hello dear and he said you low life mother fucking worthless piece of shit [as he said to me often] so I said what did I do and he said he had to walk home 3 miles because he got his truck stuck at the field. I said how was I suppose to know you were stuck you leave like that all the time. He then went into the house and picked up the crock pot that had supper in it and threw it out the door and it broke all over the sidewalk then he went into the garage and got a shovel and started scooping it up and throwing it and the roast beef was stuck to the tree. When he was done cleaning it up he told me to come in the house and I said no and he said yes we need to watch the news so I went in to shut him up and then he took the pan of sweet corn and threw it out the back door to. I thought he had lost his mind but I just sat there hoping he wasn't going to go for the file cabinet for the gun but he didn't. I'm better off sitting there and not saying anything or it would only make things worse. He was very full by then. Since we left he has made no attempt to quit drinking and has called me a couple of times and asked me to come home that we can work it out but I said no because I've left before and came back and nothing changes. When we left we could only take our clothes and some personal things because we had to do it while he was at work so our time was limited so we had to leave alot of things behind. He always told me if I left I'd better take what I wanted because I couldn't come back for more so I'm not going to push my luck. As long as I'd do exactly what he wanted me to do it was ok somtimes but if I didn't I was then a worthless piece of shit. I've tried for years to get him to quit but it hasn't worked and I've told him over and over that he needs to start being nice to me or its not going to work but nothing changes there either. So I feel that my only choice left it to get divorced and move on but I feel bad because he is going to have to sell all his farm eqipment to divide everything up and I know thats really going to piss him off and I feel bad that he has to lose it. Could anyone give me any thoughts you have for me to maybe help me figure out what to do. Thanks

View related questions: alcoholic, at work, divorce, emotionally abusive, move on

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A female reader, bgalcoholichusband  +, writes (19 October 2007):

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