A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm in an emotionally abusive friendship with another girl, we have been friends for many years. Its so hard to let go because when we get along its like the best friendship ever, we connect she totally understands and supports me, and vica versa, we laugh for hours on end, talk about what im doing in my life, my work, my attitude to other friends she is totally cool, we laugh so much to a level that my other friends don't bring me as much. However in the last year she's started to be abusive, i'd say once a month, but its getting more frequent now, she'll start assessing my character saying i intimidate people, that i have 'haters' and accuse me out of the blue of being a bad friend when i have done absolutely nothing wrong. The last few fights have been verbally abusive attacks on me that are really disturbing, we wont talk for a few weeks but then all of a sudden she'll start messaging me as if nothing happened and then im really happy about it and go back to being friends with her again, we meet we talk it out and i tell her its abusive she knows and she says that's not what she wants, but then a few weeks later, BAM she does it again and it gets worse these attacks so hurtful and disrespectful abusive words from nowhere. Do you agree that I should cut her out and not respond to her when she comes running back, or do u think there's any last thing i can save this friendship?
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male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (22 July 2019):
You are NOT in a friendship...sorry. Friends look out for each other, love each other, and care about what happens to each other.
You have put yourself in this position because you feel you can't do better.
If you have a sharp object sticking into you and causing you pain, would just leave there and complain about it??? Or would you remove it to avoid the pain and to heal??
So you know how to look after yourself...why are you not doing it now??
A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (22 July 2019):
 Absolutely cut contact.
She says she knows it’s wrong then she does it again? Why do you keep letting her back in? Are you expecting her to change? She’s shown her true character and it is NOT a good one. Move on.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (21 July 2019):
 Doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result is ... insanity.
If you KEEP getting "verbally abused" WHY on God's Green Earth do you KEEP being friends? You know what's coming.
Telling her that her behavior is unacceptable but STILL remaining friends is you ENABLING her to act the way she does with no consequences. Telling her she is being abusive, isn't going to make her CHANGE.
I'd say CUT all contact, this isn't going to change.
She takes ZERO responsibility for her actions. Doesn't even apologize she just tries to pick up where you two left off like nothing happened.
YOU are in charge (for the most part) of HOW others treat you. IF someone treats you like SHIT, you DROP them. You don't let them KEEP doing it just because you have had good times together. those days are over.
YOU can't save this friendship. Because YOU can't change HER.
She is toxic.
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