A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My husband and I just passed our 1 year anniversary ... However he disgusts me. I can't stand to be around him, he won't even sleep with me.. So I resent him for that. He won't take showers for days, doesn't even change his underwear, won't brush his teeth to even go work. He somehow thinks its funny and that it's okay because I "love" him. In reality .. I can't stop thinking about how much happier I would be without him... I have a 7 month old baby with him and I lost all of my baby weight very fast so I don't understand why he won't sleep with me... But at this point I don't even want him touching me. I don't know why I still stick around.. I am so done with everything.
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male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (26 August 2012):
 Sounds like you married a boy, not a man and unfortunately at your age, marriage can be an extremely maturing process.
I am trying to figure out his motivation for doing what he does... why would he alienate you and lose out on his ability to have sex? If he is as young as you are, I would imagine he would want to have sex quite frequently? If you aren't giving it to him, where is he getting it from?
I am not sure what you can do to correct his behavior other than to point out to him what it is doing to your relationship. I would encourage you to talk to him -- in a non-confrontational way and without coming off as nagging, what his behavior is doing to you as a couple. Ask him if this is what he wants and how long do he suppose your relationship will work out with his behavior. Also, take stock in anything he has to say to you. Own up to your shortcomings, as 50% of the relationship is you.
You may want to enlist the help of a counselor to help communicate. Ultimately, you have to discover why he does what he does, as from what you describe he is doing it only to anger you, which indicates to me that it is his childish way of asserting some form of control (he may feel you are nagging / henpecking him).
Hopefully you can work through it, but I would highly recommend you seek professional help in working through your difficulties.
Best wishes
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (25 August 2012):
 Why not tell him what you told us? You're not rushing out the door, but you are losing interest and if life without him has more appeal (or a more promising suitor comes along) then you may leave. Keep it brief and be matter of fact. If you come across as angry or long winded, he'll dismiss the threat as idle and tune you out. Then start living your life as if you were single. I don't mean date other men, but plan fun outings with friends and don't bother inviting him. Certainly allow him to tag along if he asks (but decline next time if he's unclean or is in any way a downer). Learn a new skill. Take up a hobby. Take your baby for walks. Get your ducks in a row so that you can leave, if you have to, with a minimum of fuss. Also important, do not tell him what he ought to be doing. Don't hint or make any underhanded jokes or comments. Let it go. You've already aired all of your grievances. There is nothing to gain by doing it again. It's up to him what he wants to do, just don't wait for him. Not only will you be a happier, better prepared person, but if done cheerfully you won't be a miserable nag toward him. He'll start to see that you're moving ahead with life and he can pull up his socks and be a part of that or get left behind. Either way, you win.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2012): You should tell him that the relationship is at a critical point, and soon so will his health and hygiene. Also that he can't take your love for granted forever. He's already lost your respect.
Its not hard to do these things he should be doing, and to be honest its quite pathetic if he's willing to lose his marriage over the simplest of daily things.
I guess it depends how much he actually gives a damn, at the minute that doesn't sound like much.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe always says he is too tired.. Or he doesn't feel like it .. Or he just uses any possible excuse that exists.. I stopped trying to see if he would come around but that didn't seem to bother him either.. But if another man tries to talk to me or anything of that sort then all of a sudden he is jealous.
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (25 August 2012):
 I think you should sit him down and tell him that you need to see more of an effort from him, just because he married you doesn't mean he should stop all modes of KEEPING you attracted to him. you can tell him that you loved the person he WAS when he made an effort and now that it's not there, you're not happy. say you don't ask for much, just some intimacy and basic presentation so that you feel that he values you. Someone who doesn't put themselves together to a such a serious degree not only doesn't take himself seriously but his relationship seriously. I mean, for job interviews you present yourself professionally to say I have value and that I also have the respect to show that I value this position. I think that the rationale (not the dress code) has to be there in this situation too. Otherwise, it says I don't care about you. I think it's acceptable if his attention to detail slipped a little as he got more comfortable with you, but I think that it does reflect on the partner.
Sex is a whole different issue. Why won't he have sex with you?
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (25 August 2012):
 Very unfortunate. Marriages and relationships do not always work out, but it is especially unfortunate with a child involved. You did not ask a question, but you obviously have a serious decision to make.
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