A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello...my name is Stupid and I've been seeing a married man in my building for six months... I know, so wrong but he was persistant. He claimed I was whom he loved. Everything was perfect, we would text each other, cuddle, date all the above until a couple weeks ago!!! Now he doesn't respond to my texts, barely picks up my phone calls and everything is his wife NOW! Stupid me for believing him and letting him fake make love to me and fill my head with lies...now I feel so stupid and used... I swear I didn't want to start the affair and it totally blew up in my face... how do I hurt him seeing that he is in lifestyle fantastica now? He keeps telling me to relax and he misses me, total bullcrap...why ME?
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (23 March 2011):
 Well Stupid, it's time to pick yourself up and dust yourself off. Fool me once, shame on you,etc...Don't think about revenge just move on and don't make the same mistake in the future.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou guys are absolutey right... I shuddn of fell for the okey doke and yes I also love being numero uno thts why I've decided not to try any further contact with him... I just can't believe I allowed myself to be so vulnerable.. Yes he showered me with any and everything but he was and never will be mine...
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 March 2011):
 Why you ? Simple- because you let it happen to you. No no, I don't mean it in a disparaging way , as in "you have been stupid weak bad etc ". Not at all.
What I mean it's simply- each one of us draws the line somewhere, and obviously you did not draw it at Married Men. You did not see it as a total, absurd impossibility. Part of you felt, that, in the right circumstances, with the right man, etc.etc. Why ?
That's something that never happened to me, for instance, and this not to say that I am smarter than you, because, in fact , looking back at the mistakes I have done in my life, I have to admit that I made plenty of wrong choices- I can be a fool for love as much as the next person.
But, I have never been with a married man because I found the concept simply ridicolous if applied to me. Any time I have been approached by a married guy, I just laughed in their face , heartily ! Yeah dude : AS IF !
Knowing myself, and how much I like to be center stage- I just could not see myself starting a relationship knowing I was going to play second fiddle. Not to say that's impossible to cheat on me or to stab me in my back, it's to take advantage of my trust is totally possible. But, you have to be somewhat clever, work in the shadow, cover your tacks.
No way I would help a man openly cheat on me !- as in practice it happens when one is seeing a married guy.
Again, this does not mean I am smart,maybe it means that I am conceited and self centered. But, you know what ?, some times it's a good thing to be self centered, literally, like in putting yourself at the center of YOUR universe and making sure that no amount of sweet talk is going to take you down from that privileged position.
If I were you, I'd do some thinking, like- how come I don't see as ridicolous being made the offer of sharing a man ? How come I may even consider it ? Maybe I feel undeserving of having someone all to myself ? Maybe I think that if I want something for myself I have to compromise ? maybe I think that all the good ones are taken, or that I was born unlucky, or some other silly story like that ?... Identify what is the "story" that you are telling yourself, which justifies in your eyes making actions against your happiness,- and change it.
When you can change your thoughts you can change your life.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (23 March 2011):
He chose you, because you were an easy target. You say you didn't want to start the affair, but you did. So, you were in a bad enough place in your life that he could see you could be used.
Married men don't have affairs with string, happy, independent women. They have affairs with women are who unhappy, nervous, depressed, easily used etc etc.
So, cut contact and spend some time working out what made you have affair with a married man. Loneliness? Unhappiness? Neediness? You need to get your own life back on track, solver the problem that caused you to wind up having an affair so that you are not a target for married man, and so you don't fall into this trap again.
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