A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Okay, so here goes. I'm 31, been single for a few weeks now, dated a 34-year-old man for about a month, until I then realized he was married.We met in a local bar I drink at often, he was there with some friends, we got talking, it was a fun evening out; I'm a city commuter, live in Surrey, work in London centre. I'd been friends with the guy since April, he told me he was single, I waited until I knew him better to date him and then went on dates with him, we became a couple.He never took me to his house or that; we always met in the open-air or at restaurants, which was a little odd.It wasn't until a few weeks ago that I found out he was married when a girlfriend phoned me and said "You know, your bloke, he's married, girl, you should dump him like a hot brick. Seen him with his wife and 2 kids in town, they're teenagers, he called her wifey... you've been a bloody fool! Come for a drink and get over it!"I broke up with him, and I feel regretful about having an affair. It's not like I went after him knowing he was married is it?However, I got a phone call at 4am in the morning begging for me to get back with him, he said he'd leave his wife and two kids for me, and he said he was serious about divorcing her and the kids, said he wanted to be free again. I can't trust him now and don't think he's serious about it, if anything I think he sounded a bit hollow. I've had two of these phone calls now, and one a voicemail to my mobile. Granted, I was foolish giving out my number to the guy, but I thought I trusted him.Could he become stalkerish? I don't know if he will or not, has this ever happened in affairs with married men? Do they ever become obsessed with their "other woman"?I don't think I'd want to be the so-called scarlet woman, the other woman, it'd be ethically wrong, abhorrent.I feel foolish now, what do I do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2014): Tell him you'll stay once you see the divorce papers! That'll show him.
A
male
reader, Dodds  +, writes (25 July 2014):
 This man won't leave the wife. He'd have done it ages ago, I know you know this. Stop seeking validation just make up your mind
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A
female
reader, Mistresskiki +, writes (25 July 2014):
There is a saying that goes along the lines of 'when the Mistress becomes the wife, there is a job vacancy created.'
Put it all down to experience and move on.
He can't possibly want to leave his family after just a month, and if he does what does that say about him??
The odds are against him becoming stalkerish - two calls and a voicemail isn't all that scary (uness he was threatening you) - but if you blank him and he continues to call and call and call then contact the police about him and document the calls.
DO NOT CALL HIM!!!! Ever. Get on with your life, check your dates out a tad more than you did with him and hopefully the next chap you date won't be such and out and out cad.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (25 July 2014):
 Honestly, I'd block his number. You didn't know he was married, because HE LIED to you.
If you can't block his number , change your phone number and move on.
Would you in any way shape or form trust this guy if he is so willing to DUMP/DIVORCE his family after knowing you such a short time? And when (if) he divorces her, he will want to move in with you so YOU (instead of his wife) can take care of him.
Yea, I'd run a mile from a guy like this.
I would tell him, in NO uncertain terms, that YOU will NOT see him again, that he BETRAYED you (and his family) with his lies and that you want NO FURTHER contact with him.
TRUST your gut.
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