A
female
age
41-50,
*irlie0402
writes:Hi guys. Thanks for reading my post. So...I've been married for 11 and a half months..Sept 4th is our 1 year anniversary. We were high school sweethearts then went our separate ways during college..but we stayed friends. We both moved away from our hometown...he moved to Washington D.C. for 3 years and I moved to Miami for 7 years(Loved Miami and had the time of my live there!). Then he moved back to our hometown of Philly and i moved back about 2 years later. It feels like it was meant to be..destiny. We started dating again and things were GREAT! Then we got engaged a year later. We had some issues but worked through them during the engagement. To be honest, when we were engaged, I wasn't ready to get married and struggled with the decision, but I did because I felt it was the right thing to do and he was an amazing man. He is the most caring, affectionate, expressive, honest, truthful, loving, respectful,man I know. He is a true gem of a man. He has minor faults like we all do but no deal breakers. He is a very good man and a great husband. He is also very honest and loyal and would not cheat...he just has these very strong values and morals that makes him have a wonderful character. So we got married. The first 2 months were good. But...for the last 9 months..I haven't been very happy. I am extremely bored with being married and our routine, scheduled, predicatable life. He tends to be serious and rigid because that is his personality type and it drives me crazy because I am the complete opposite..i'm fun and outgoing and spontaneous. I don't really like to have sex anymore because it is boring and predictable and I'm not as attracted to him anymore. He is attractive to me but I don't feel strong sexual feelings about him now. I don't have that same feeling like I REALLY want to be with him. I feel very "luke warm" with him. I don't have any passion and lust anymore and I can't stand it! I also miss my old life in miami florida! It was AWESOME living there..so fun and exciting..just a great lifestyle and I miss my old life. Recently we went to see a counselor because we were having problems and we had talked about possibly divorcing and I was actually looking forward to ending the marriage. I feel sooo bad for feeling like this. I want to just tell him that I don't want to be married and that I would like for us to end the marriage...because the truth is that I don't truly want to be married at this point in my life...we are both 34 years old. But on the other hand, how can I let such an amazing man go? He is a very good man, and it would be stupid of me to end the marriage with such a great husband. But at the same time, this is not fair to him because he deserves to be with a woman that wants to be married to him and not secretly wish to be single again. Another thought is maybe he is a wonderful man...but just not the wonderful man for me. I feel so bad that I feel this way about him. I know relationships change and grow and your feelings become more stable and it becomes more like a partnership, but I miss the passion of dating and meeting new guys and flirting, and getting phone calls from different guys. That use to be so fun. I just miss my former single life when I lived in miami, I feel very restricted and limited in my life now.. in many different ways. Any thoughts on this...sorry to be so long winded. lol!
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male
reader, Dreamland  +, writes (15 August 2012):
You made the same mistake that so many women make. Just read what you wrote in your post:
"He is the most caring, affectionate, expressive, honest, truthful, loving, respectful,man I know. He is a true gem of a man. He has minor faults like we all do but no deal breakers. He is a very good man and a great husband. He is also very honest and loyal and would not cheat...he just has these very strong values and morals that makes him have a wonderful character."
What is that?? It doesn't sound like you love this person unconditionally because he is your soulmate, but is sounds like you're reading his resume and looking for reasons as to why he would be a good husband. You talked and rationalized yourself into the marriage, but it didn't truly come from your heart. I know a lot of women who made the same mistake, marrying a "nice guy", but they all ended up cheating on the husband who they determined would never cheat on them. You don't really love this guy, or are in love ...end of story.
A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke  +, writes (15 August 2012):
 Do you think it's your husband that's not right for you or married life in general? Life can be very boring and mundane when you work full time and spend your life with the same person day in day out. It would be great if we could party every day but life isn't like that. Marriage is hard work at times and you probably feel like it's sucking the life out of you. Leave no stone unturned in trying to make it work. I wish you all the best.
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A
female
reader, girlie0402 +, writes (14 August 2012):
girlie0402 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you Honeypie...your are right - we should have done pre-marital counseling - and I love how you broke it down to the three choices...that is exactly what it comes down to...thnk you for your input, it is much appreciated.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 August 2012):
 You two really should have done some pre-marital counseling. Specially when you knew you wasn't ready.
I don't think there is any shame in not being ready to be married, but you ARE married and now you need to figure out what to do next.
As I see it you have 3 choices:
1. Get some marriage counseling/solo/both of you.
2. Get a divorce and go back to being single.
3. Pretend all is fine and dandy, all the while you will resent your poor husband more and more.
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