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Married for 9 years and my wife is not sexual or sensual... what can we do?

Tagged as: Marriage problems, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (5 June 2007) 2 Answers - (Newest, 6 June 2007)
A male United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

My wife and I have been married for 9 years. We both come from conservative backgrounds. Neither of us dated much before dating each other and we dated each other for at least 4 years before marriage. I had always suspected that there was some kind of issue with her not generally returning affection when we would embrace and kiss. She generally is not particularly sexual in my opinion and she has said that some of this issue may arise from feeling like sexuality is a "bad" thing as she was growing up. My issue is that for our entire marriage I have felt rejected the majority of the time that I try to be affectionate with her. I tend to feel that maybe I have made a mistake with the partner I chose because I did not date enough to get a perspective that we are too different in terms of our need to be intimate. I am ready to call it quits but I love her and she is my best friend. I am so confused. I am so lonely for touch.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2007):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Several years ago the thought had occured to me that she might have been sexually abused. I asked her about that and she said no. Her family and relatives are very very solid people so I can't imagine that something like that could have happened. My gut says that she was never abused like that.

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A female reader, Pork Hock Canada +, writes (6 June 2007):

Hi there, Have you asked your wife if she was sexually abused or assaulted ever? Sounds she is very hesitant. You may need to ask her. It sounds like she has hang ups for a reason, and not because of you. Has it crossed your mind?

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