A
female
age
36-40,
*ondering22
writes:well, long story short, i have been married now for 7 months, really a civil marriage because in my husband's theory i needed a marriege license to live aboard with him, anyways, we met in 2005 on the internet, he was the perfect man, we talk online for 2 months, and then met in nyc for a wonderful 2 weeks, it was perfect, until we had to say goodbye, since then he was the most gentle man i've ever met, so he returns back to europe where he is from, and i return back home to ohio, and suddendly he decides that he is not well because he feels depressed he cant see his daugther in the holiday, yeah forgot to mention that he was married before to a woman 8 years older then him, with lot's of money, whom divorced him and didn't left him anything and convinced him to give full costody of child since he was going to be out of the country anyways, so he agrees, but of course she tricks him the most stupid way by not letting him see his child or speak to her, so all this all the way has affected him, but still doesn't excuse him for what he've done.first of all, i have a big mouth i respond back to everything that's been told badly to me, i am no longer that young girl he once met who didn't have any ideas of her own, and yeah he is 17 years older then me, yes i know a whole life time, but i felt for him very deeply, well the moment i came to europe to live with him, i got culture shock and started with a money spending problem, which i did over and over, and so i was slapped,spit on my face and impression of being shoked by my husband, who now continue's doing it and then pretends that he didn't do anything, and that i should live the house since he pays all the bills, he has the lease of the apartment under his name, and he just says' get out of my house and pack your things, as if i was some kind of slave, or even worse,as if i remain a stranger to him, so now i want to leave, but don't know if by abandoning the house he get's divorce granted right away?do i get anything for being abused, physically and vervally?any help guys i appriciate it!! thanks
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2008): I think I know what you are going through. I would advise you to realise your cirmumstances and weigh them up. If he's being like this to you physically you have a high chance of being hit the wrong way. This is fact not opinion!If he is verbally abusive in a way that he does not allow you to have your response like an adult, you will not get him to see reason. Your opinions will be manipulated to suit his mood and twist the meanings just to suit his sitation. I'm 4 years in a similar situation and still have these problems although not so much the physical side. Leaving your country and being away from familarity and family is on its own a difficult situation to deal with. A complete shock to the system. You should be cherished and loved more for this... unfortunatly when you live with an abuser you won't get this as their first priority is them. A healthy person would place you as their highest priority given the huge change you have made. If you find yourself going through reason to understand someone who is physically or mentaly abusing you, you are unlikely to come up with a way to resolve your issues as his way is unhealthy. I will let you know in advance if you put any more work into this relationship you will be doing this at the cost of your own sanity and happiness. I wouldn't recommend that you stay even if he stops being physicaly abusive... you would have to give up YOU and there are no guarantees that you could ever be you while you are with someone like this.It's horrible! There are no words to describe this situation especially that you are in a different country. Go home and forget about all the paperwork it's not worth it. Listen to the advice you get from others who have been in similar situations, at least this way it will give you perspective so you are less likely to stay with him out of emotion. Take good care of you. If you don't put you first you won't stand a chance no matter what you do. xxx
A
male
reader, kapowski  +, writes (11 October 2008):
Um, is there a reason this woman doesn't want him to see her child?GET OUT NOWmy mum's only just got out of an abusive marriage. Don't waste time, i he's gonna change he's got to do that, you should get a lawyer and get the f**k out of there before it f**ks up your life. Firstly you'll only stay out of guilt or a feeling of responsibility to him, then slowly he'll kill your joy.You're not responsible for his behaviour. This is bullying.People who really love you will not treat you like that....DON'T settle for it.I'm so sorry this has happened to you and I wish you all the best getting out of that domestically abusive relationship and finding a relationship of mutual empowerment.
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A
male
reader, NeverGoodEnough  +, writes (11 October 2008):
 Wether you get anything or not you should get the hell out of there, dont put up with that kind of abuse.
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A
female
reader, evesanyl +, writes (11 October 2008):
You sound like you're having a dreadful time, and no one desevres that kind of treatment. You obviously fell for him in abig way but it isn't anyones fault that the relationship you thought you were getting into never happened. Leave him, go home, physical and verbal abuse is just never ever ok - and you are a young woman who shouldn't be having to deal with such a huge change in her life unsupported. We all make rash decisions about relationships in the heat of the moment - don't make that mistake ruin anything else in your life. Don't you deserve someone who loves and cherishes you really?
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