A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I am a man married for 23 yrs. The marriage has had many ups and downs. For the past few years I have been feeling as if we are growing apart. I have never cheated on my wife. I havent even kissed another woman since the day I met my wife. Recently, I have found myself drawn to a much younger woman. I am experiencing feelings that I have never felt before. I actually get nervous when I see her. Several months ago she told me that she loves me, but I am fairly sure she only meant it in a friendly way. Regardless, she was the last woman to even say those words to me, I cant remember the last time my wife told me she loves me (and yes, I have said it to her). Anyway, I cant stop thinking about this other woman. When I see her I try to convince myself that I am not really in love with her and that i'll get over it, but it doesnt work. My heart hurts and I want it to stop. I feel like a real jerk for feeling like this but I cant help it. I wasnt looking for this to happen. What do I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2011): Last anon Aunt sure told you a thing or two.
Let me also add: this younger model had no respect for your marriage months ago when she confessed her 'love' for you.you want to throw away 23 years for a woman who cared nothing about your marital status. If she cheats/cheated with you, what will stop her cheating on you?
Yes you feel alive and your hormones are playing havoc on you. But acting on all these will only bring you tears and pain thereafter.
Both you and your wife have to re invest in your marriage. Both are complacent. 23 years is a long time, the relationship bet hb and wife gets stale, boredom sets in, you both take each other for granted. You know I am right.
Have an ernest talk with your wife. Tell her you want more from her and you start reciprocation as well. Re ignite that fire.
If you start thinking u want to replace your dear wife with the office harlot, you are going to end up with regrets.
LoveGirl
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2011): OMG...are you serious? So you want to trade in a wife for a newer model? What the heck is going on here? Instead of making improvements to your marriage, instead of looking forward to the golden years with your best gal, instead of renewing your vows with that sidekick woman by your side for 23 years...you want to start over with a gal that is probably as old as your daughter? Niece? grandchild? What is the problem here? We all have our ups and downs, our doubts and fears, but I have to tell you...you've got some nerve walking down the aisle 23 years ago thinking this is the woman I want to build my dreams and hopes with and a life full of memories and L-O-V-E....but instead, you are looking to a young woman to reaffirm your ummm...what is it, your libido? Your capabilities of being a man? You need to learn that in a marriage, you have to be there for each other through thick and thin, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health...instead you are looking for some pleasure making time with a younger woman? Then why get married if you are planning to do it with some other woman who is young and has ideas of how to spend your money or maybe has had problems in the past because she's been abused or thinks that older men are better because she's already done it with younger men? You're better than that. Maybe your wife is going through the same thing too and wonders if you find her attractive...wonders if you are still in love with her also...Put yourself in her shoes...now is the time to really work on your marriage with this lovely woman you married so many years ago. What did you see in her when you first started dating her? What did you feel when you held her in your arms? What made you ask her to marry you? Have you even thought about asking her out or whisking her away on some far off enchanting date? How about travelling the world with her? Or making love to her at the very same place you folks had your honeymoon? Instead of looking to someone younger, look to your wife...the same woman who said "I do" to you many moons ago. She loved you and I'm sure she still loves you now...heck, if she didn't, why is she still with you? Make time with your wife and your marriage...there are those out there who wish they never did divorce their spouses to begin with because only after they signed those papers did they realize what a mistake it was to do so. Think about it really hard.
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A
male
reader, ironman777  +, writes (20 February 2011):
Ok I'll tell you my story because its quite similar to yours. I was with my partner for 14 years and I felt like we had grown apart and there were too many differences between us. Then I meet this new girl from work who was smart, attractive into the same things as me and she seemed to like me. One day we kissed and boy did my head spin for the next two months. Speaking from experience, starting to cheat on your wife will not fix your problems with your current partner. Either get them sorted in therapy or work out how you're going to split with your wife before starting any new relationship - it avoids a ton of guilt afterwards because you did the right thing and you didn't cheat on your wife. It's also not a basis to start a new relationship either because to some extent there will always be trust issues on both sides. Will you cheat again in 23 years because you can't work out your communication problems with your partner? Only time will tell.My head tells me that if you've had ups and downs it might be better if you make a clean split and start fresh. Once you find the love of someone who loves you exactly the way you are, you will never look back.Good luck
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A
female
reader, FloridaCatGirl +, writes (20 February 2011):
 Funny how you spent so much time telling us about how faithful you’ve been for 23 years… and then you go on to tell us you are tired of your wife and ready to trade her in for a new and younger model. How thoughtful of you.
You said, “I feel like a real jerk.” Let’s be honest, if you really felt like a jerk, you wouldn’t be entertaining these feelings. In fact, this younger woman has already expressed her love for you. That tells me you are already involved in an affair. I imagine your wife, children, parents, friends, in-laws, and co-workers will be so proud of you once they find out you cheated on your wife and kicked her to the curb for this new and improved model.
You then said, “What do I do?” Sadly, you can’t buy morals, common sense, or a conscience at the local grocery store, so you’ll have to settle for the next best thing… get a backbone and cut all ties to this “other” woman. Good luck.
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