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age
51-59,
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writes: Because of my husband's affair 3 years ago I could no longer handle the pain, it was always coming up and fights broke out, he provoked things by not being there in conversation, all I could think of was you knew what to converse with other women...and so on well it came out into a huge blowout, he walked out and said he no longer wants to live this way, I know I am to blame but something inside me doesnt feel bad, he no longer wants to be together why do I miss him now, but because of the drama he has caused the last 2 weeks making me suffer i dont want him either..but am afraid of being alone, we were married for 21 years...
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell I found out he was having another affair, a woman inboxed me and told me he was spending time with a woman in a different city, he denies everything, his way of looking good that he left, he is telling everyone that I physically abused him and emotionally, because of the affair 3 years ago How can he stoop so low, he is hiding the affair from everyone, but it is starting to surface people have now seen his picture on her facebook page and they are "in a relationship" so it reads...I am devastated to hear this, I cant stop crying moments I am feeling strong then I just break down...I am physically feeling sick and weak..I feel like I am slowly dying inside....
Who does this what kind of a person does this to someone who has been there for them through thick and thin.....
I am just so lost.... :'(
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell I found out he was having another affair, a woman inboxed me and told me he was spending time with a woman in a different city, he denies everything, his way of looking good that he left, he is telling everyone that I physically abused him and emotionally, because of the affair 3 years ago How can he stoop so low, he is hiding the affair from everyone, but it is starting to surface people have now seen his picture on her facebook page and they are "in a relationship" so it reads...I am devastated to hear this, I cant stop crying moments I am feeling strong then I just break down...I am physically feeling sick and weak..I feel like I am slowly dying inside....Who does this what kind of a person does this to someone who has been there for them through thick and thin.....I am just so lost.... :'(
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell I found out he was having another affair, a woman inboxed me and told me he was spending time with a woman in a different city, he denies everything, his way of looking good that he left, he is telling everyone that I physically abused him and emotionally, because of the affair 3 years ago How can he stoop so low, he is hiding the affair from everyone, but it is starting to surface people have now seen his picture on her facebook page and they are "in a relationship" so it reads...I am devastated to hear this, I cant stop crying moments I am feeling strong then I just break down...I am physically feeling sick and weak..I feel like I am slowly dying inside....
Who does this what kind of a person does this to someone who has been there for them through thick and thin.....
I am just so lost.... :'(
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A
female
reader, sizzling1  +, writes (2 September 2010):
21years is a long time and it's easy for people to say 'move on' but the truth is that you need to follow your heart. something kept you together for all those years..it might be best for you both to talk things over. ask yourselves 'what went wrong?' and take it from there..goodluck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2010): This is so not your fault. If he left, good riddance! Now go out there and find real happiness again! Life is too short to waste on undeserving people like him. He is no good for you. He cannot make you happy ever again after he broke the faith in such a severe way. Now it is time to move forward. It was obviously meant to end like this. You obviously can't take it... which YOU SHOULDN'T!
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (2 September 2010):
 It is NOT your fault. It's not your fault. You didn't cause this. Take NONE of the blame. He has to live with himself and his deeds, and now he takes his selfishness to the next relationship.
You could look at is as that after 21 years, you're terrified of being alone, or you can look at it as a new lease on life for yourself, free of the pain, free of the drama, free of the betrayal he caused you. Yes, you will grieve the relationship, but I'm thinking you've been grieving it for the past 3 years.
You will be going solo. Time to re-invent yourself. Even now, more than ever, there are many people in your position. You can now have a social life that doesn't hinge on the wishes of another. You have control over your own finances without consulting with anyone else. You have no conflict over your goals, and you're in control of everything.
If you're an artist or musician or something, look at your life as a fresh canvas, ready to make of it how you want. You are *not* diminished by the loss of your husband, and furthermore, his leaving takes away the stench of HIS shame from your life. The skies are bright for you if you choose to look at it with excitement rather than look to the past in fear.
What may help is to consider what's in store for your soon-to-be-ex-husband. He has to live with himself. He will revert to his selfishness once the "new car smell" of any relationship he gets into wears off. He cheated because of whatever reason - ego, lack of communication, selfishness, insecurity, and he takes all that with him.
Your life is NOT over. It is about to begin for the first time in 3 years. Do not allow yourself to become nostalgic now.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (2 September 2010):
 You are not to blame. It was his fault, he decided to have the affair not you. You shouldn't feel bad, him walking out was probably the best thing he could have ever done for you after his affair. Now you are free to look for someone who won't ruin such a long marriage for nothing.
I hope that help.s
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2010): It is very normal to feel this way. this is a very traumatic time in your life.. Expect to feel relief one day and sadness and grief the next. The best advice someone gave me is to write down the reasons you are seperating.it is very normal to be afraid of being alone.. I wish you all of the best!!
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