A
female
age
36-40,
*rincess Aunty
writes:Agony aunts please help me. am sufferingMy boyfriend used to date a girl who was a Hindu while my boyfriend was a Muslim.He used to love her very much. However the parent of the girl did not accept the relation and so that girl broke up with him and got married to another boy.Now when i came into the life of my boyfriend, he told me clearly about his past and also that her ex kept on calling him even if she was married.To be frank i was not really comfortable with that. Because once she got into fight with her husband and left him but when my boyfriend(lets call him jim) tries to make her understand, she accepted to return to her in laws.Also when she had a baby, she asked Jim what name was perfect for her son. I think that she supposed to ask her husband this question na.Then later on i came to know that the husband of my ex did not know about her contacting jim. In fact when she talked to her husband regarding jim once, her husband told him not to ever talk about him from now on.I felt that was wrong. it was as if she was cheating on her husband even though there was nothing between them. I tried to make jim understand and ask him if one day we was married, would he like it if i do same with him? the answer was no. so after that day jim told her to stop contacting him.One day after i made a dream of jim cheating me through her.Then i talked to jim about it and he told me he promised he would not ever contact her.after wards one day her ex called him on a fixed line, so he took the call not knowing it was her. after one day or two days he told me about that. and we got into a fight and told him that if she re call tell her not to do so again.Eventually she called and he told her not to recall himby telling her that his mobile remain with me most of the times. her ex said bye and cut the call as he told him that. but he did not tell me about this call of hers. after 3 or 4 days i asked jim if her ex has called him, he said yeah and narrated me what took place.I was so angry that he did not tell me about that before. it is just when i ask that he told me and we again got into a fight. he told me he completely forgot about it and that he is not so very happy that she call to remember this on and on.i also ask him why did not he tell her the truth that he does not like when he call ( which he told me ) he told me by the excuse he gave, he is more sure he won't recall.and he also told me that be sure he will never leave me.In anger, i also told him that i'l make her husband know about it. he forbidden me to do so as he says he will get into problem and he does not want me to break someone's wedding and by doing so i'l be creating more ways for her ex to enter in our relationship.I just don't know what to do. please agony aunts please help me
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male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (20 January 2011):
It might helpful for you to be clear on exactly what the problem is.
It seems to me that you are the one who is upset, and who does not want your bf "jim" to be in contact with his ex. Why exactly do you not want him to be in contact with her? Is it because you are jealous of their relationship? Is it because you think he is still in love with her, and that his contact with her means he gives you less love? Is it because you are worried that if she stays in contact with him he might have an affair with her? Is it that when she contacts "jim" that he becomes affected, maybe upset by it? It might be helpful to know exactly what you are afraid of by them being in contact, because you seem to trust him and don't give the impression that he would have an affair or anything like that.
Also, what you want and what jim wants might be two different things. You might not want him to have any contact with her. He might want to have some contact with her. He might hope that even though they could not be together that they can be friends, or have a little bit of contact. That might work perfectly, or it might interfere with your relationship, but what is important is to find out what he truly wants and if that is different from what you want. Try to find a solution to this problem together, as a team, rather than feel like you are fighting against each other. Try to find something that you can both agree on. I know he promised not to contact her, but it might not be what he truly wants, he might feel like he was pressured into that. Maybe, maybe not, just suggesting you look into that.
Finally, if you don't trust him (or if he is not trustworthy), that is a separate issue that you need to look at, and if you do trust him you need to ask yourself why it is such a problem that they are in contact.
It feels very confusing at the moment, perhaps a little more information will light your way and give you the right direction to take.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, Princess Aunty +, writes (18 January 2011):
Princess Aunty is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks but the problem is that my boyfriend won't be able to change his number since he own a business of his own and all his clients contact him through that number and also if he changed it then there is no guarantee that his ex is not going to re get his number.
My boyfriend do love me loads and has told me several times that he will never leave me but still there is a danger if that girl continues to contact him...after all temptation is here
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A
female
reader, Little_aphrodite  +, writes (18 January 2011):
 Your problem is complicated.. I also don't know what advice i should give u..
But if i'm in your position, i will do two things. First is i will ask my boyfriend to change his phone number. Second is i will meet that ex girlfriend face to face and tell that dont ever call your boyfriend again..
I'm sorry i know my advice will not help anything..
I hope everything will be fine.. Dont give up.. ^_^
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