A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am a 32 yr old woman married to a 38 yr old man. We have been married for almost a year and everything else about our marriage is good except that we are completely sexually incompatible. When we were dating he was very slow moving in the sexual department and when he was ready it was very basic, elementary, and felt very unpassionate. We haven't talked about our past relationships at all so he doesn't know that I have had many partners and have had many very passionate, sexually dominating, and have always been the one pursued, admired, and desired and all of them had no problem expressing themselves in that way. My husband however does not give affection, compliments (sexual or otherwise other than "that looks nice" and gets very very uncomfortable talking about sex in any way shape or form. I am now coming to the realization that I married him because he had 80% of the qualities you want in a husband but he is completely missing all the things needed for a sexual partner. I don't know what to do. Please help. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2009): Get out now. I've been married to a man like this for 20 years. Sexual incompatibility never really resolves itself. This is the same kind of man who won't come near you when you are pregnant, doesn't want to try anything new, hates any dirty talk because he finds it embarassing.... You can be sure I know what I'm talking about, I've researched this topic no end. We are talking about intense frustration and resentment if this goes on. He's not going to turn into one of your fabulous ex's. Men are either sexual beings or their not. Your's isn't. It's time to move on.
A
female
reader, starfairy  +, writes (23 August 2009):
 Sex is one of the most important things in a relationship, in my opinion...Have you tried talking to him about it?
I totally get how you feel - I have to have the passion, that can't get enough of you feeling, be able to dominate or be dominated...Relationships fizzle is the sex is mediocre x
...............................
A
male
reader, Sphronas +, writes (23 August 2009):
 I think Libra1963 has it exactly right, your husband sounds inexperienced, insecure and/or sexually repressed.
I want to add that if he is uncomfortable TALKING about sex, try SHOWING him what you want (but be gentle!).
You may find that he can become the partner you need, or that your own needs will evolve as he and you discover your own, special sexuality.
Oh, and all those dominating men you had passionate sex with before you met your husband? They no longer count, so stop comparing him to them in your mind -- and, of course, never, ever mention them to him.
...............................
A
female
reader, Libra1963  +, writes (23 August 2009):
 He sounds sexually inexperienced or maybe someone has knocked his confidence. I would suggest that you try training him and tell him what you want. I would even go as far as seeing a counsellor as he maybe brought up to believe that sex is dirty and so much for the basic side of it.Talk to him. He sounds like a brilliant fellow and not one to lose.
...............................
|
