| A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: I'm a married man desperately in love with a female working colleague for 2.5 years now. I never tried to seduce her, but I've been as nice as I can to her. I'm treated nicely, but not really corresponded. I hate living with my wife but I love my kids. My wife thinks she's my lover. I'm suffering a lot. Please advise me."Sleepless in Lisbon"
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2009): Dear sleepless in Lisbon
Just curious . What happened to your relationship? I am in the same situation and dont know how to deal with it
A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (9 December 2006):
Well, if you're sure yo're not going to ever love your wife again I think you should leave. Your wife is gong through life believing she's your lover and you say she's not. AS for the kids, they will be hurt. What is the question actually?
If you had spent as much time trying to be as nice as possible to your wife, instead of the other woman, you might feel differently. If you had let her know you were feeling off, perhaps she could have tried to protect her territory, meaning you. Are you asking for someone to advise you to have an affair?
THIS is what you must do...
-if possible, talk to your wife and work on your marriage
-if not, set them up as best you can and leave. Admit it's your fault, be generous
-DO NOT start an affair before any of this happens, at least have that much repect for the mother of your kids
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A
female
reader, AngelofLove  +, writes (9 December 2006):
 You have been in love for a long time to be a crush, does the other woman feel the same?
It is possible to fall out of love in marriage, not so easy to make a decision when children are involved.
Have you tried to talk to your wife and try to work out where the passion has gone and how to rekindle it?
If this has been done and failed, you also deserve to be happy.
Whatever you decide, ensure that you kids suffer as little as possible. Depending on their ages, they may not understand why you had to move on but always be supportive of their feelings.
Lots of hugs xxx
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