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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: when i first met my boyfriend(18months)i found out that he was taking viagra of course he denied this,as time moved on for us i didnt think he'd need to take it as we have a great sex life(so i thought)i found viagra in his pocket accidently,this devestated me all this time the sex wasnt natural,why would he betray me like that,now i feel so unattractive and inadequate due to his secret lie
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female
reader, Lucy Lu  +, writes (23 October 2018):
Hi, I know this post was a a while ago but others mind tumble on it like I have. I've had two boyfriends that had issues with "getting it up" when I first met them and it had really affected their previous relationships and made them paranoid. Both of them were totally fine within days once we'd talked through things and didn't have an issue with me again. If your man does feel the need to take Viagra don't get annoyed. Sit down and explain that you'd rather not be having sex for 3 hours, 15 mins is more than enough on a work night lol. If he's struggling to get it up it's probably because he thinks about you and sex all day before he sees you and has built himself up to worry he won't satisfy you or stay hard. You need to explain to him that it's totally fine. Sex should be enjoyable and having him close to you, kissing and enjoy each moment, rather than thinking about the end result, will help him relax and make you both connect in a different way. Banging all night is a total turn off for me personally.Another good way to help with this problem is to decide to not have sex for a month. You're only allowed to be sexy towards him, kiss him, massage each others bodies and maybe some foreplay but def no sex...that rule will be broken within 2 nights as he won't be able to help himself and as long as you keep sex this intimate he won't need Viagra again.
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female
reader, aussiewoman  +, writes (7 October 2014):
I'm 48 years old and been divorced 13 years. I've been with my current man for 2.5 years. Early on in our relationship I realised he was secretly taking viagra. There were lots of signs. He'd talk about his mates who took it to get rock hard for hours. He'd hide things, like shaving bag. I told him I didn't want him taking that stuff as I knew he did not actually need it to get an erection. He said it made sex feel better, more sensitive. He promised me he'd not take it again. He does. I've known for all this time. It's so obvious. He can't cum most of the time or even if he does, the erection lasts. Of course a woman knows. I've decided after all this time that whatever his reasons, who cares? If he secretly thinks he needs it or that his erection is better with this stuff, fair enough if he wants to take it. If he's embarrassed or whatever his reason is for not wanting to share this secret with me, who cares. I've decided that it's no big deal. If this is the worst secret a man is keeping from his woman, who cares? Don't make an issue over it and don't take it personally. It proves he loves sex with you and wants to keep it at it's best. Don't worry about it and if he doesn't want to admit it, just let him have his secret. Keep pretending you don't know.
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female
reader, feelingliedto +, writes (20 May 2014):
I've just worked out my bf is taking it. I feel so lied to also and confused as to why he needs it, if he needs it. I feel foolish for not working it out sooner as his erection is rock hard constantly, he never seems to cum with sex. Sex sex, endless endless sex, which I thought was great when I was thinking it was because of me he had a constant boner. But we'd have all this great sex and he'd still want to pull himself. I was confused about that. I wondered why he didn't cum inside me, why he needed to do this all the time. Was masturbation better than sex with me? Then I worked it all out after he'd fallen asleep in the middle of me trying to be sexy, giving him a bj and he starts snoring? I was so confused, hurt, didn't know what was going on. I tried to be understanding. He was just exhausted, maybe I'm too much sexually, want him too much and it's the cause of his exhaustion, blamed myself. Then it all hit me and I see so clearly now (other reasons too) he's taking this shit stuff behind my back. I feel cheated. I thought our sex was the best ever for him too and now I don't know what to do. I am going to have to talk to him and let him know I know and try to understand why he feels the need to do this stuff so I can feel better about myself.I've read the replies here and the person who says this woman needs counseling and is selfish is so awfully wrong. This girl has probably just found out and still working through the feelings of betrayal and the fact that the good sex, so she thought, was all based on a lie... this is how she would be feeling, even if the guy doesn't think that.I think guys will try this viagra shit, thinking us women want a rock hard erection all night long and endless sex. They think they're great studs if they can keep it up for hours.... Friggin' WRONG guys. Don't take the shit unless you actually can't get an erection naturally. Don't take it to last longer. Have much more fun with foreplay and satisfy her instead of worrying about how great your cock feels and needing to pull it off. Play with her, kiss her, love her and you will get a great natural erection. It doesn't matter to a woman if sex only lasts 5 minutes. As long as she's had plenty of love, kisses, petting, all the emotional stuff. She'd rather all that and 5 minutes of sex with you cumming inside her to finish it, rather than sex sex sex and you needing to pull yourself after all that too.
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male
reader, myaccount  +, writes (28 January 2012):
I have had two very highly thought of physicians prescribe Levitra (fewer side effects than Viagra) for me and both recommended never telling my partner. According to both of them, while some women do not have a problem with it, most do, and once the toothpaste is out of the tube it is NOT going back in.
Against medical advice, I did tell one. That began a cascade of snooping and distrust that was unbearable. She is now my ex. and that is costing $360,000 in alimony.
Seems to me the risk/reward ratio just isn't good here.
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male
reader, jonk +, writes (14 June 2011):
Hey,This was an interesting situation. I am a male who has been taking viagra and havent told my girlfriend. Feeling guilty about not telling her and think I will, but the thing is, I know she will react the same way as you and see it as an insult. I can get it up without it, but it just gives me confidence and I perform better. I wish I didnt have to say anything, because I wish I was still 18 and could go all night naturally, but I cant and this means I cant perform well. I dont know what the best way to tell her is? I have a feeling it will be over if I tell her but dont like keeping secrets. man its hard being a guy sometimes. It certainly doesnt mean I dont find her sexy as hell and it certainly doesnt mean i dont love her. quite the opposite, i want to please her and take this to help me do that. the thing is, i have not told her and we have been together for a year. i am in trouble if i do and preventing our relationship from growing if i dont.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2006): I fell madly in love with a guy, but it was an emotional rollercoaster of a relationship. However we had a sensational sex life. Well things went bad, he cheated, I cheated, shit hit the fan. We got back together and we were working through things, but I found out that he was taking viagra, which he never needed in the past????? I suppose it was possibly guilt and betrayal all rolled into one that caused his ED with me. It's sad for both of us really, but slowly I'm hoping we can work things out together without the 'blue pill.' Men aren't performing monkeys you know.... see woman... erection....they are emotional too, so you've got to take it slowly and find the root of your relationship problem.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2006): i think you should seriously consider getting some counseling. you are taking this way too personally - this isn't normal or healthy. your boyfriend has a problem that he felt he couldn't share with you, and instead of being worried about him and concerned for his wellbeing, you have internalized it and made the problem about you and your feelings. do you see how wrong that is? i understand that you feel betrayed - it's legitimate - you were. don't get me wrong. i hate being lied to more than anything in the world, and your boyfriend STRAIGHT OUT LIED TO YOU. That's got to sting. But the normal way of processing that is to think it through. Did he lie to you because he hates you? Because he's hiding something awful from you? Is it about YOU? Or is it about HIM? In this situation, when you're talking about a man lying to his girlfriend about whether he takes viagra -- essentially, lying to cover up what I'm sure he considers an extreme vulnerability and probably embarassment -- I think it's obvious that this lie was about HIM. Lying is not okay, but then again, there are some questions that are unfair to begin with. I'm not saying your boyfriend was right to lie to you - he should have trusted you enough to tell you the truth. But I think you owe it to him, and to yourself, to recognize the role you played in this; it doesn't sound like you made it very easy for him to do that. You probably think that you did, but your reaction here tells me you didn't -- at some level, my guess is your boyfriend knew you were likely to internalize this and make it about you, and he just couldn't deal with that. It's really pretty selfish of you and unfair. He was wrong to lie to you, but you were probably wrong to be asking him such personal questions so early on (was it really any of your business?), and you were definitely wrong for expecting a better response if you didn't create the right kind of environment for it, and you're wrong now for not cutting him any slack.
All of that is irrelevant b/c relationships aren't about placing blame. Life isn't about placing blame. But the reason I think you need some counseling is that, while you get that at an intellectual level, I don't think you get that at an emotional level. Look at your post - you blame yourself for your boyfriend's need to take viagra -- you blame your unattractiveness and/or inadequacy, and you in turn blame him for forcing you to have those unwanted feelings.
You've got some real problems, and they could ruin the greatest relationships if you don't deal with them. Think carefully about this, and think about getting some help.
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female
reader, Juliette +, writes (9 December 2006):
 I am shocked at your response and the insensitivity and selfishness of it. You don't say the age of the man but if he needs Viagra the issue is more to do with his general health than enhancing sex and making it "not normal". I know many men obtain Viagra illegally beleiving it to enhance sexual performance but it actually only dilates blood vessels to the penis to return vascular function to what should be there anyway so theroetically it would not make sex abnormal. Men who really need it often cannot obtain an erection without stimulation, that is they often do not get a spontaneous erection when they think a sexy thought or see a sexy sight that would be a normal reaction in a man. I suggest you treat the issue with some sensitivity or you could smash his confidence that is, by the sound of it, already struggling. Using Viagra is not by any means an insult to the sexual partner.
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female
reader, AngelofLove +, writes (9 December 2006):
 For men, it is very important to perform and it might have been to please you.
It is embarrassing for them to sometimes admit that they need "help", that is not any desrespect to you and how atractive you may be, it is to do with libido.
He needs your support if you still want to be with him.
Talk to him and find out if he has a problem making love naturally and see how you both can work things out.
Good luck xxx
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female
reader, VictoriasSecrets +, writes (9 December 2006):
 Have you ever thought that he may just be impitant and too embarassed to tell you, men dont like to admit that sort of thing.
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male
reader, maxsteel86 +, writes (9 December 2006):
 Sure he doesn't have some kind of impotency problem? Maybe you shouldn't make assumptions like that without knowing all the facts. I mean, would he be with you if he found you unattractive? I think an open discussion would help, telling him you found the stuff and maybe he'll tell you why he's taking it
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