A
female
age
,
*onnie1959
writes:ok ive been married 16 yrs i realy feel my husband is honest, maybe it me ,anyway he has 2 single friends and i mean very single. every day he gets off work he stops in a bar. its a slum bar, i mean. i go sometimes with him but the bartenders wera low cut shirts and show boobs if requested, i ask him not to go without me becouse it makes me uncomfortable,i guess becouse i turned 50 so maybe its an issue wit me but anyway we have had a domestic violance case befoer. i thought he was over that. he dont hit me but he spits in my face. that hurts so much, so digracefull. what to do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2009): What to do? Get some self esteem That's what you need to do. It's like you'd let the man sweep the floor with you and beg him to love you because you feel you are nothing and you deserve that. It hurts so much? It should make you to infuriated. He knows he can manipulate you because you've shown to him over the years you have no dignity.
Maybe it's you? Are you one of those women who blames herself on everything that happens in a dysfunctional abusive marriage? I bet oyu grew up in a nevironment were your parents yelled at you and there where always tensions and problems. Thta's a dysfunctional family, and if you grew up in one chances are you'd find a similar partner with familiar characteristics and built your little dysfunctional family yourself.
Do you know no matter how many years you've been with him it's not OK that he abuses you? Do you know it's not normal that you're tolerating this environment?
Run for your life woman!! Forget about your age. So what? I'm 34 and people tell me I look much younger; I'm no better than you because of that. Collagen is just a protein that plumps connective tissue and make people look younger. So those bartenders have more collagen that you So?
Those bartenders should be ashamed of themselves. They are going straight to hell if they don't repent of their sins. There's nothing to envy from them. They are so vain and full of bad things.
If I were you I'd leave him.
If you want to see different things then you should start acting differently. I think you should run to your nearest Christian Bible based church and open your Bible to understand that He who created you loves you more than any other person on Earth and He didn't create you to take abuse from a loser. I'm sorry but your husbands life seems so empty and sad.
I was too raised in a dysfunctional family and had to take lots of rejection in my life. God is the only one who have healed me and made me feel I'm absolutely worthy.
Look in the mirror and say "I'm worthy of respect". "Nobody is better than me because of their age." "I don't deserve rejection". "I won't tolerate abuse". Do it believing it's true. Don't stop until you feel you accept it. Concentrate on your virtues. Do it daily and you'll start acting differently. It worked for me.
Blessings
A
male
reader, Heartbroken in love +, writes (10 July 2009):
I feel for you. Look he does't deserve your defense. Spitting in your face as his wife is sooooooo disrespectful its not even funny. I can't believe what I read. I mean after 16 years it would be dumb to just say dump him but I can assure that this is not Ok at all. He needs to know that spitting on you is so grossly disrepectful. I would spit at him back but then again that might provoke him to hurt you. I would make a domestic claim whenever he does spit on you. I would not continue living with him either unless he puts a stop to it. On this one you simply have to stand up for yourself. He will keep doing it as long as you let him.
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A
male
reader, zay zay +, writes (10 July 2009):
 I don't know what other races do but I'm a black dude and I HATE disrespect so what you do is you go to the grocery store, and by some grits. Cook them for breakfast and if he asks what's going on you tell him your trying something new you get the grits nice and hot and then youthrow them at his face and then you turn the pot over and hit him with that, and then you already have your back packed to leave in the car and you hit him in the back of the head with the back of the pot and then RUN out of the front door and be sure to have the car keys in your pocket and leave him. Try to arrange a sleep over at your best friends house that doesn't know your boy friend. Make sure its a girl though because I'm a dude and I would swoop in like a hawk to try and go out with you.
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A
female
reader, buckster12 +, writes (10 July 2009):
I don't know much about marriage, but I do know that spitting in your face is COMPLETELY uncalled for, that is ridiculous and so disrespectful, no matter how long you've been together or how old you are. Maybe tell him how much it hurts you, and how it upsets you, but if you can't do that then I really don't think he deserves you. You do not need a man in your life that will spit in your face just if he's mad. It is so degrading, and you deserve so much better than that. And your age doesn't matter girl, I would ask my man the same thing if he was going to a bar where they show their titties. Stand up for yourself babe! 3
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