A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been, I guess, just looking for someone I could talk to who might have experienced what I am going through.I have been married for 6 years. I always thought I was happily married, but I think I have just been content and maybe we are just best friends. She is the only woman I had sex with until recently. I wasn't looking for an affair, but I met this woman who is a few years older than me. She is independent, self confident, sexy, and I found myself completely intrigued by her. Now I am having sex with her. This has been continuing for a few months, and I think I really like her. She insists on a "no strings attatched", but the more I am around her the more I want to know her and spend time with her. I know it sounds terrible, but it hasn't changed my feelings for my wife-everything at home remains the same. I know what I am doing is wrong, but I don't feel guilty because when I am with this other woman she make me feel alive not just content. Since I really can't talk to anyone about this, I want to know if it is possible to feel like you are falling in love with the woman you are having an affair with.Can you fall for someone else? I never thought about it before but then I met her.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2011): I agree with the previous person, It does depend on the person and the relationship, you can not control emotions and how you feel when it hits you, I was in the same sitiuation, I though I married my soul mate, my best friend but after 8 years of marriage and I was not looking for anyone but there she was, this beautiful, vibrant life giving woman, something about her overwhelmed me and I knew that this was something I have never experienced before... LOVE at FIRST SIGHT, crazy but true.She was single and told me that she was OK with no strings attached , I felt wierd but could not resist her I tried to fight it but I found myself wanting her more and more,as time went by I fell in love with her and she fell in love with me, it was so emotional and powerful. I did love my wife and could not understand why I felt this way about another woman but this other woman was " THE ONE", that's the only way I can describe it, I did end up having an affair with this woman for 2 years and everyday I fell more in love with her even though I did love my wife, I was to connected and passionate about my lover,I could not bear the though of not being with her, I had to decide because I was playing with 2 wonderful hearts and had to figure out what I really wanted, I was afraid because of what I thought other pepole would say but YOU have to live your life and NO ONE else. Everyone can say what they want to but when real true love hits you, you can't do ANYTHING about it, the more you fight it the more it surrounds you.I made a life changing decision for the better, I chose my mistress, I married her and made her my wife, It's pure, there was no intention of her ever wanting to ruin my relationship, truthfully, I think it was already damaged when I met my new wife. I was afraid of what is this doesn't work out??? Life has no garuantees, take your current marriage for example... You need to figure out what you really want,and how you really feel. I was totally afraid, I was with this woman for so many years and that made me afraid beacuse there are so many unknowns that can ruin your life but it does and can happen not everyday but when you FEEL it , you KNOW it eveyone deserves to be happy and also maybe this is you realizing that you are not happily married like you thought you were. ONLY you know but have an honest talk with the person your faling in love with and see how she feels about you, she might be feeling the same way. Me and my new wife are IN LOVE, we feel no guilt we are grateful for our blessings and even though it seemed wrong, it was right and WHO ARE what anyone thinks. There is a difference from just wanting to cheat for sex and fun. It's something you can never explain until it happens to you.A connection that defies human emotions.I truly feel complete and I can see the love in my wifes eyes glisten everyday when she looks at me. There are married people who have not TRUE love in their hearts so why judge love??? Follow your heart man, I can relate.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2011): Well it depends on the situation, sometimes there can be a soul mate connection while still married to someone else. Every DOES NOT marry thier soul mates, not to say you lover is you soul mate, I have been I have been your shoes.. I have been married for 13 years to a wonderful woman but 4 years ago I met an amazing woman, she completely takes my breath away, Even though I was married an loved my wife i was instanly drawn to her and could not stop myself from approaching her, I asked her if she came her on a regular and it was over from that day forward, I felt guilt and hurt in my heart for my wife and my lover but I could not be without my lover, the thought of losing her was to painful and the though of my wife finding out was painful to know I had hurt her. Any way my wife found out and it was very hurtful but I knew in my heart that I can be the one that I am suppose to be with, we have been together going on 5 years and very happy, I have no desire for any other woman but my current wife and we are truly happy, what I am saying is, if it is LUST with your lover then leave her and focus on your wife if you truly love your wife but if you truly feel the love of your lover and you KNOW she loves you and you feel it in your heart, then follow it. I was afraid because I have been with my wife for so long it was comfortable, what I knew and had invested in, my wife was safe, So I know how you feel. It's a tough one but only you can make that decision because you only know how you truly feel. GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2011): Take it from someone who was married 3 times longer than you and did the same thing. Sure, I felt like my mistress understood, was a soul mate, made me feel alive and gave me amazingly better sex. Guess what...a year later, all that wore off and I was left with a destroyed marriage, a lost friend of 20 years, a son with divorced parents, jobless, and a mistress who reminds me every day of what I gave up to get that last little 10% that was missing from my marriage. Now I have 90% of nothing.Even worse, this mistress has told you its sex only. If you leave your wife, do so because it's a failed marriage...DON'T do it because of this woman. She probably doesn't love you and never will. Nobody really LOOKS for an affair, but the fact is you ARE searching. Find out what you really need...because brother, I can tell you it isn't a woman. You are missing something that the love of a woman is not satisfying. If it were, your wife would satisfy you in every way.
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female
reader, Blonde68  +, writes (28 February 2011):
Thanks for your update....
Ok, so you have obviously made your mind up that you don't want to end this affair.... Well in that case, the least you can do is set your wife free because its really not fair. What is the point of staying together? There really isn't any point is there.... or is she your safety net?? You mention that nothing has changed at home, everything is still the same... so there must be some tiny bit of happiness there, its just missing that spark!
As for your mistress, I personally do think that it is purely lust... she is only the second woman you have had sex with, its is all kind of new to you and it is exciting... exciting in the sense that when you see each other, sex is probably on the cards for starters. If your mistress does become more fond of you, then yes, perhaps there could be something more serious develop further down the line, but like you have stated... she wants a no strings relationship so I would not count on it.
Either way, you need to set your wife free!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2011): Well after your update I can only say this:For 6 yrs you have shortchanged your wife. You have basically used her and now discarding her bec u have met the lust of your life. So end your marriage. That Is the only decent thing to do, so can you do the decent, honourable thing and leave your wife.You have proven that u do not want your wife and I believe she is a good person but sadly this is not what you want.so stop being a coward and tell your wife about your mistress and get out of her life. 6 yrs lost and counting. Your wife should also start dating and you need to encourage her.she too needs to find a man who will desire her, lust after her and someone who wants to be with her in good times and bad.As for your mistress: she told you she just wants sex. That she doesn't want a relationship with you. She is basically treating u how u are treating your wife. Ironic isn't it?If u don't want to give up your mistress, its time to give up your wife.SimpleLoveGirl
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2011): HiI am not sure if you have an answer in your own words...when another six years is up and the newness has worn off and and in years to come....when you are old........ will you be able to say i still have a best friend? It's often this ingredient that is the best....did you play withh your original friend? did you make her feel alive? did you treat her as your lover?THOSE WHO PLAY TOGETHER STAY TOGETHER....to play we all need a friend ...a real one.spunky monkey
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2011): In response to Blonde68: that is the thing. I never felt that passion for my wife. Even when we met, we just became good friends and eventually dated. All our friends were getting married and it seemed like the natural progression of things. I hate to admit that, but it is the truth. I have never had a passionate relationship until now. I don't know how long it will last, but I don't want it to end. I am not sure if this woman would change her mind about the situation because I think she is feeling somethings for me too, the more we are together. I think I am falling for her because I have never felt this way before about anyone so I don't know how to explain it even to myself.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2011): Have you ever heard of infatuation? Quite different than love. Be smart. You're looking for some excitement and got it, you think you're falling in love now? You think this mistress is going to reciprocate? Sounds like you want it all. Wouldn't it be nice if we could all have "it all". If you still have the same feelings for your wife how can you be falling in love with this woman? Surely your feelings would change somehow - even a little bit - if you're in love with your mistress. Maybe your wife isn't sexually attractive to you anymore (or never was)? Is she different now than before? If she's never been sexually attractive to you, why did you marry her? Did you think that wasn't important? Maybe you're realizing you married someone who just wasn't right for you - after all, you did say you two are "like best friends" (maybe lacking in the va va voom area)? Think hard why this woman is so intriguing. Even if this woman will never reciprocate, maybe this is telling you that you just didn't marry the right person - have you ever had these same type of feelings for your wife? If not, then something is amiss in the marriage. I find it hard to believe that a man will take on a mistress if he's satisfied with his wife.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2011): Yes it's possible you could love her. Ihis part of your post was interesting to me:
"when I am with this other woman she make me feel alive not just content."
It sounds like you get off on transgressing or escaping your regular life. You are now addicted to that feeling and to her because she makes you feel that way...not necessarily because you love her.
I have the distinct impression if you broke with your wife and tried to commit to this lady, she would vanish. Even if she didn't, I doubt you'd every really enjoy her company in the same way...she wouldn't be an escapist fantasy, she would just be regular life.
If you want to know if it's possible to love another person outside of marriage, I would say yes, but I don't think "love" describes your situation. It seems you are using her as an escape valve from your known life, the same thing she's already told you she's using you for.
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A
female
reader, Blonde68 +, writes (27 February 2011):
Yes I think it is possible... However, before you get carried away, please rewind back to the time when you first met your wife. I am sure she made you feel like this woman is making you feel, and you must have felt something really strong to have got married.
However, I guess right now, you and your wife have become bored, take each other for granted, sex isn't as often as it used to be, everyday is just the same... Does this sound familiar? Well ok, now think about this woman you are seeing, lets just say she did eventually want something more serious... Now fast forward 6 years, and you will be exactly in the same position you are right now with your wife...bored, no excitement, sex isnt like it was.
You are feeling like you are right now about this woman because she is showing you attention, you feel good, she makes you feel manly, you are no doubt getting butterflies in your stomach when you see her or kiss her, touch her... but this is because its all new!
I personally think you need to look at the bigger picture here... look at what you have and what you could lose. Is this woman seriously worth it and besides, she has made it quite clear she wants a no strings attached relationship, so I reckon, as soon as you start coming on strong, she will run a mile.
The grass isn't always greener on the other side!! Why not put time and effort into salvaging your marriage rather than on this woman. Please have a long hard thing, you may be glad you did!
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2011): Of course it's possible to fall in love with someone else. Just because you're married it doesn't stop you feeling something for another woman.
You need to decide whether staying in your marriage is the right thing to do because you can't carry on seeing this other woman as well.
Do you really love this other woman or is it just lust? The "other woman" has told you she doesn't want a relationship and i doubt she's going to change her mind.
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