A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi all,I have a problem with my sex life. I have now been married for four years but still a virgin. My problem is I feel afraid and so penetration never happened. We tried lots of times but failed. It is like I contract my hymen and put a pressure towards outwards in such a way to stop penetration. I get a pain and I'm afraid of getting more pains if penetration happens. Can someone please advice me on this. I cannot understand what's wrong with me. Thank you
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hymen, sex life, still a virgin Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2010): i exactly know what you feel, i have been married 11 months and still a virgin. like you i get a pain every time we try.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2010): I had what you're experiencing when I was in my twenties. It's called vaginismus, and, according to my doctor, was considered "not uncommon" (so don't feel like you're totally alone here!) The good news is that it can be overcome. Speak to your doctor, and also talking to a sex therapist could help alot.
You might try drinking a couple glasses of wine before foreplay. Maybe your hubby can help by playing with inserting a very small tampon coated with lubricant? (He'd have to agree to stop as soon as you'd say stop). What worked for me (finally-- after three years) was playing at sex with me on top-- I lost my balance and got the shock of my life! But part of the shock was that it felt so pleasant, and after that episode no more vaginismus. I was so relieved!
Good luck! I hope this helps you! :)
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (18 July 2010):
 You might have something called vaginism ( involuntary spasms of muscles around vaginal orifice, which prevent penetration ). Go talk to an OB/GYN . Whether the cause are physical or psychological or both, it's curable.
Also, you can have your hymen surgically incided so that your first time penetration would be obstacle-free.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2010): i know exactly how you feel....ive been married 14 months and still a virgin and now its getting more difficult to even try as i dont even want to anymore....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMany thanks for all your advices. It's great to hear kind responses.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2010): That's a long time; you are very lucky to have such a patient and loving husband.
It does hurt the first time,but think of this - it is worth it after that!!!
Maybe a good idea to go and see your doctor.
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A
female
reader, NatreeRose  +, writes (14 July 2010):
 It hurts because you're so nervous! Just relax. Make sure you're nice and lubed up so to cause less pain, if any, and stop being so scared! BELIEVE me, you will be so glad you got over it, because the more relaxed and comfortable you are the more enjoyable sex will be :)If it still continues to honestly hurt, I have heard of some women having a condition linked to involuntary spasms that would cause this problem. So in that case, talk to a good gyno about it and they will help you out!
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (14 July 2010):
 Have you spoken to your physician? I believe they can cut your hymen for you so your first time won't be as painful.
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A
male
reader, Flyguymyeye +, writes (14 July 2010):
No pain no gain. First time generally hurts women but it's something you have to go through, get drunk and do it, first time is never as good as after.
Good luck
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