A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I've been married five years, and our sex life has problems. I worked in Europe for about 9 months and got back just before the wedding. From that time until now, my husband has had some sort of problem with ejaculating too quickly (like, under a minute) - every time. This wasn't an issue when we were dating, and when we were first married I thought it was because I'd been gone and that it would go away with regular sex. It hasn't.The weird thing is, he will often stay hard, kind of, and can keep going. It's just not as hard, or as big (it's not that big to begin with), and for me, it feels as if it's over before it began. It's hard for me to stay excited when I feel like he's already done so sex isn't satisfying for me. I feel guilty and selfish admitting it.I have talked to my husband about it. At first he said to sleep with other men-that's just because he was hurt. Then we went for three years without having sex at all. Now we never have sex unless I initiate it, and, to be honest, I don't feel like it. I'm tired of being disappointed and frustrated and then hurting him. I guess I'm wondering if anyone has advice or has been through something similar. Is this common? I love my husband, and I want to make things work.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2007): I think the problem is psychological rather than physiological.
In this case, I think you and your husband need to sit down and discuss this with a therapist. It wouldn't surprise me if there are secret issues that exist solely in his own head that are affecting his performance. He isn't going to want to discuss this at all. He already feels unmanned as it is... but without some real therapy, you may never get your husband back.
The alternative may be to change your routine as a couple. Get him involved in a sport, like biking. Anything really that will let him assert his masculinity. May give him a reason to really want to prove it in bed too.
A
female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (2 May 2007):
 http://www.goaskalice.columbia.edu/0622.html?prevNext=prev
Eve
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI appreciate the advice. I agree with what you say, Mitch, about foreplay, oral, etc., and that part of our sex life is fine. How can I say this, sometimes a girl just wants to get f****d hard though--you know? It would be nice to be able to, ummm, mix things up a bit.Any ideas on a good way to approach him about looking into different techniques? I know he's sensitive when I've brought it up in the past, and I don't want to drive him away again. It can't be that easy to hear that your partner is not satisfied.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2007): There are alot of way how to get rid of the premature ejaculation. The best are edging and also one taoist technique which teaches a man to relax the specific muscles not to ejaculate. He can even learn to be multi-orgasmic (I am multiorgasmic). Teach him that there are ways how to fight it. He has access to the internet so tell him to sit on his ass atleast 2 weeks to gather enough information. There is alot of info out there but alot of stuff is not good enough.. you have to search for the best techniques. Only one warning is that kegels primarily can make him shoot even faster.. he has to learn how to use it... if he will find good info and train then he'll be able to last as much as he wants ;)
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