A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I'm 45 years old. I married my wife when I was 17, and we've been married for 27 years. We've raised 4 kids together and we have 3 grandkids. Our relationship has been very tough almost from the beginning. We have separated a few times, but I always return out of a feeling of obligation. We have tried marriage counseling a number of times. I have been miserable for years and have suffered disabling depression. While there are also other reasons for my depression, the relationship has made it very difficult to recover, and the depression continues to wreak havoc on my life. I do love my wife, but it's more like a brother/sister love. Thing is, I really don't know if leaving her is going to make me feel better or just make me feel more like a failure. My wife is also extremely unhappy with our relationship, partly because she senses my unhappiness. Plus being depressed and unhappy doesn't make for a very good husband. I honestly don't know what to do. Do I leave and start a whole new life at 45 or do I just continue on and be like this until I die?
View related questions:
depressed, move on Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, dougbcoll +, writes (18 July 2012):
 you say you love your wife you both have made it 27 years , are you really wiling to flush it down the toilet ???
you are depressed , you say there are other reasons for your depression, and your relationship makes it rough to recover.
why do you think that starting a new relationship with another woman will make your recovery better? you say you don't know if leaving her will make you feel better or like a failure. why don't you try moving to a short term location (a friends place, a motel room, in with a relative) to see if things are better or not.
why don't you try living in a temporary location to see if the depression gets better ,before you start a new life over. don't throw away a marriage you both have built over years in a instant. try a temporary solution to see if it works for you, and explain to your wife you need to be alone, or space to heal.
A
female
reader, demeplev +, writes (18 July 2012):
 I agree with Sugarbuns..nothing to add its what I would have said. good luck, let us know, pace and love
...............................
A
female
reader, Sugarbuns  +, writes (18 July 2012):
 Try a trial seperation first. One of you moves into an apartment for 6 months. Limit your contact to each other. Maybe plan one night together every couple of weeks and see how you both feel about the arrangement. The key is communication. It could be that you will both miss your marriage more than you thought. Then again, you may both discover that it's nice to be on your own. If that is the case, then it would probably be safe to file for a divorce. Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, 1sunshine +, writes (18 July 2012):
 I totally agree with Bondgirl72. It sounds like you tried your very hardest to make your relationship work and you are at ends now. I think you should move on :) Things may be strange and sort of hard at first ( being on your own ) but there will be light at the end of your dark tunnel. Just being on your own, you can create a new life for yourself just being at peace with everything. I think you need some of "you" time just to get in touch with yourself and your feelings.
Maybe you will eventually meet someone special. Nothing is worse than being trapped within a bad relationship. I have been there myself & with having children together with him. I moved into an apartment with my kids & two years later, my life has really turned around for the best.
Maybe you are depressed because of your "feeling trapped" situation? I don't know much about it but it's possible things may start feeling better for you with having a brand new start. ;) So much luck to you!
...............................
A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (17 July 2012):
 If a relationship has made you so depressed that it is near impossible to recover, I think you need to do what will make you happy or at least ease up on the situation instead of returning out of "obligation". Your obligation was to try to make the marriage work. It is not working for either of you. How does it make things better for two people to stay together when they are both unhappy and miserable? It doesn't. You may not be happier if you separate/divorce, but it can't be much worse, can it? You cannot stay in an unhappy relationship. You are way to young to resign yourself to living in an unbearable marriage and unhappy life.
...............................
|
