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female
,
anonymous
writes: Help anyone.I've been married for 26 yrs now, but I am very unhappy.I was married by the age of 19 and at 20 had my first son. I only knew my husband for a short time, for which I only knew him 6 months and was married within that time. Anyway the first few years were fine until he started watching porn on tv. I told him my feelings that I was'nt happy with him watching these and felt that I was not good enough for him anymore. He retaliated everytime I told him to stop watching and seemed to be glued to them more stronger than ever. told me it was a man thing and that every man watches these. He worked one hour's journey away from home and everytime he went for a drink with the lads from work he would be home at 2 - 3a.m. in the morning and used to tell me that that is when the pubs closed. Cos I did'nt know anybetter, as I had'nt experiened the life of going out and socialising with friends.When we were into our 7th year of marriage, he started acting very strange and started working long hours at work, telling me this was all overtime and also worked long hours at the week-end. I once caught him answering his pager, which is what they used to have in those days, when people left messages and when I caught sight and heard this pager go off, he quickly switched it off and pretended nothing had happened. Anyway I had my suspicions that he was probably having an affair. When he returned from work every eve he used to sit in front of the t.v. spaced out, like his mind was somewhere else, almost like his body was there but his soul elsewhere. this went on for 3 months. he was also very particular with his appearance. as soon as he walked in he would go straight upstairs and wash his hair. He sometimes would'nt eat with me, as he said he used to have big meals at work. I eventually confronted him and asked whether he was having an affair and he said he was'nt.I refused to believe him and said you either pick me or her, cos something in our relationship was not right. the next day he bought me flowers and said lets start all over again. From then on he changed back to his own ways and the suspicions then became more distant. His porn watching carried on. This was something he could not stop watching. He told me I was'nt his mum and that he could do what he liked in his own home. This was a battle I tried to fight for years but always lost, our sex life was almost non-existence. 5 years ago I had an affair with a man, I only saw him 5 times and had sex with him. Not that fantastic, but I had experienced someone else other than my husband and felt great satisfaction out of that alone. My husband found out and we almost split up. After long battles and stress he decided he wanted to stay with me and give me another chance but he always brings the past up and says I have lost any love he had for me and that he is only with me cos of the kids and because its the right thing to do. He now goes to the pub everynow and then and when he returns, he swears and becomes very defensive.He was on the internet the other night and I caught him looking at pictures of sexy woman, which he denied doing.Every little thing we do out of place strikes off a thunder and lighting relationship and we argue all the time. What can I do ... I am soo unhappy. please help someone.
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affair, at work, flowers, porn, sex life, split up, the internet Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Lytoo +, writes (7 December 2006):
There's the denying again. Jeez!! So, exhausting, when you saw something with your own eyes and you can't get your husband to admit it. Makes you go totally bananas!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2006): if i go with to people at the same time and that person finds out what should i do.
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A
female
reader, Toria +, writes (23 September 2006):
 Well you can either sit down with your husband and try and fight for this marriage maybe suggesting you both see someone to talk through the problems with or you can walk away from it.
If he really doesn't love you anymore and is only there for the kids then it's only you that is fighting for a marriage that in his eyes is already over.
You deserve to be happy and if being happy isn't with your husband then you need to do something about it before you get into this rut even more.
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A
male
reader, Ponungalungb  +, writes (21 September 2006):
 If you want this "marriage" to work (I put the the word "marriage" in quotes on purpose, because what you have surely doesn't seem like a marriage), you need to go to a marriage counselor. Someone that can look at the two of you and determine what exactly is going on. Marriages take effort to be successful. There doesn't seem to be any effort being made. If your husband doesn't want to change the way things are, then maybe you should get a divorce. And you're not helping the kids by staying together. If anything, the kids are getting an awful perspective about what it is to be married. . . and are more than likely to duplicate you and your husband's scenario in their own marriages. Good luck!
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