A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of six months wants time apart. He loves me but the timing of our relationship is bad. When we met he was in the process of ending a messy romantic relationship with his business partner. That relationship came on the heals of a divorce to his wife of six years about which he says he had never really taken time to process. Since we met he has made a lot of changes in his life to accomodate our relationship including, but not limited to, breaking off the romantic relationship with his partner (who was not a happy camper), moving his business out of his home, and eventually telling his partner that we were dating. He has struggled to balance his business, which is very important to him, and our relationship.He says he wants to move in together, get married, and start a family. He says he has no doubt about how he feels about me but he's afraid he's not ready for a serious commitment right now and wants time apart to make this work. He has a strange idea of time apart - he calls or sends me a text message every day and still wants to make occasional plans. He has flip-flopped on the time apart issue almost since we met and has made no real progress on that front.The longer I stay, the harder it will be on my poor heart if this doesn't work out. I really love him and I could see myself marrying him if this mess were resolved. He thinks (hopes) we can work it out. Should I give him a little longer, make a clean break, or move on but leave the door open?
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male
reader, enjoimx +, writes (15 April 2009):
 Give him an ultimatum: commit to being with me or i will move on to someone who does want to be with me. You dont have your whol life to waste waiting around.
The problem with waiting is that you DONT KNOW if their is something for you att he end of it, because he wont affirm it, he wont commit, he wont tell you. He is choosing to keep you in the dark about his willingness to commit, thats his choice, and its too bad but its reality. You deserve someone who is willing to commit, willing to make it happen and willing to try. He assuredly does need that time away, but you dont have any business waiting around to see if something comes of it. You should move on and forget about him. Holding out hope for someone like that sounds romantic and sweet, but in reality its a waste of time because truthfully you dont want to be dating someone who is soo wishy washy do you? You need more than love to make a relationship work.
My favorite book of the year is: "Its called a breakup because its broken". Good luck moving on.
A
male
reader, enjoimx +, writes (15 April 2009):
Timing is a huge part of relationships and this timing is not great. In fact its very bad. He is not in a position to be in a relationship. You know it says alot about the relationship when one person has to struggle sooo much to "balance work and the relationship." A good relationship will be easy on both people, I know this isnt what some popular books say, but if you actually care what books say, read "Love, Freedom, and Aloneness" by Osho. Or "The Mastery of Love" by Don Miguel Ruiz. You will see logically that a happy relationship will form effortlessly, that when you have to try soo hard to make something work, it isnt meant to be.Sounds like here, this relationship is not meant to be. He is still emotionally confused about all of his two last messy relationship. He hasnt matured and grown and learned the necessary lessons from those yet because he keeps jumping inbto new ones.
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