A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My 13 year old step daughter moved in with my husband and I a few months ago. She is out of control and I fear for her safety. A month ago she was kicked out of school for giving a blow job to a boy at a school dance. One of my neighbour said that there is a rumor going around that she was doing the same thing in our local pak. I read her diary (yes I know it was wrong but I am worried for her and she refuses to open up to anyone) and I found out that she is having unprotected sex with 7 differnt guys on a regular basis, she has even had a 3sum. How do I tell her father this and should I contact her mother also?
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female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (15 April 2009):
She probably sees you as the enemy. You personally are probably the reason that her parents broke up in her mind. (Even if you only met her dad long after the divorce, it's still all your fault somehow.)
She's probably very angry with her mum and dad as well which is why she's doing things that they wouldn't like (it gives her a situation that she is in control over.) and also it means that someone wants her and pursues her (even if it's only boys and for sex, she still sees this as positive attention.)
So I think what you could do is give her some positive attention too.
Take her out shopping on a girl day, be extra nice to her, buy her something pretty and tell her how boys will thing she's cute in it. Be her FRIEND! And while you are out drop in some ever so subtle hints, like if you are sitting in a coffee shop then point out a boy who's looking at her but say "oh god no, he's not even good enough to hold hands with you. You could do far better than him. Don't lower yourself." Keep telling her that she is great and she should have really high standards.
She needs to feel like you respect her and that she's a lady. If giving blowjobs is the only way she feels like someone respects her, no matter how twisted that sounds, you need to show her that turning people down can feel so much better.
Also, point out a young girl with a baby and talk about how she's going to have horrible stretch marks and not be able to wear a bikini ever again. Talk about how HORRIBLE having a baby is, and how they aren't really worth having till they get to 13 and you can go out and have fun with them because they are cool by that age.
I'm not saying you shouldn't tell her parents what you know, I'm just saying that you could try something else as well.
Good Luck!! xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2009): If it was my daughter you're darned right I'd want to know. This child is in need of parenting -- your husband can only do a proper job if he knows what he's up against.
Sometimes this sort of behaviour is a misguided search for affection -- something she doesn't feel she's getting from her parents. A nasty divorce can knock the supports out from under a child and lead to them acting out.
Your husband should do some research, maybe talk to a professional who can give him some guidance. It sounds like the girl has too much freedom and too little supervision for the level of responsibility (or lack thereof) that she's demonstrating. It's going to take some very tough love to pull her out of this spiral, but it can be done.
This sort of behaviour can also be a response to sexual abuse -- I sincerely hope that's not what you're dealing with here.
Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2009): oh good lord.. her parents certainly have a right to know and you know that if you try to do anything about it, she may be the type of kid to play the "you're not my real mother" card.. meaning she doesn't really care what you say or think. Her parents definitely need to know. She could end up with STDs, other diseases, very early pregnancy and very, very bad emotional damage. She is hurting herself so badly and doesn't realize it right now. She needs help, so be the one to help find it for her.
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A
male
reader, conswalo wasabi +, writes (15 April 2009):
ok. Calm down this cant be delt with by yourself. I think your best bet is to talk with the mother. If thats at all possible. 13 is an extreamlly young age for her to be having all this sexual activity and i think it could be doing her some damage. if you can not talk to her mother then talk to her and say that your going to talk to her father. Do give her the option to bargin with you tell him regardless. Its not your kid remember because she will through that one at you when this blows up
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