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Major boyfriend problems, I really need advice.

Tagged as: Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (20 August 2012) 3 Answers - (Newest, 20 August 2012)
A female United Kingdom age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I'm crying my eyes out right now. I haven't been feeling well today , so i had a bit of a sleep this afternoon, and i also went downstairs and left my mobile phone in my room upstairs, as my mum was visiting. When i went back upstairs a few hours later, i had loads of nasty texts from my boyfriend. He thought i was ignoring him and asked why i hadn't contacted him tonight. The thing is, he didn't contact me tonight either ( earlier in the evening , i mean ), but we had both been contacting each other this morning and this afternoon. I checked my phone some of the time earlier this evening, and because he hadn't texted me, i didn't text him, and when we last spoke to each other this afternoon, he said he was at his friend's house, so that's another reason why i wanted to leave him alone, and we had said that we would see each other tomorrow. I have sent him some messages explaining what happened, and have tried to call his phone a few times, but he hasn't answered. It's late here now though, so he might be asleep. I also have a feeling that he might be drunk. He has bipolar disorder. He is very sweet usually, but when he has a lot to drink, he gets very nasty towards me. This is the second time this week that this has happened. He made it up to me after the first time, and said he was ashamed of how he behaved, and yet now he has done it again!. I'm annoyed that he just assummed that i was ignoring him. And it's not like i went a full day without contacting him. He seems so paranoid and obsessive. He also showed me up on facebook by writing nasty things on his wall about me. What should i do ?. Should i wait until he contacts me, and should i contact him, or should i end things with him?. I'm not sure if he has ended it with me. He has kept our relationship status on facebook though. I also have the keys to his house, but i'm not sure whether to go round there or not if he doesnt contact me, or if he is nasty to me. Also, there have been times when i have tried to contact him and he either hasnt answered the phone when i called, or it has been switched off, and i haven't sent him nasty texts because of it!. I love him so much, but this is really stressing me out.

View related questions: drunk, facebook, text

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2012):

I've been with him for eight months.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2012):

Here's an update.He contacted me this morning and said he was drunk last night and he apologised.I dont know what i am going to do though.

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A female reader, Denise32 United States +, writes (20 August 2012):

Denise32 agony auntWell! He sure is controlling, isn't he?

The fact that he gets so nasty when he's drunk (there are some people who get what you might call "happy drunk", become amiable to everybody - but he's not one of them!)is a very bad sign. It can't help his bi-polar disease either.

I certainly wouldn't go round to his house, though!

I notice you said he can be quite sweet and was ashamed of his behavior when drunk earlier in the week - but, you know, actions are what count and what you should take note of! Talk is cheap and this is the second time in a week this has happened.

We don't know how long you've been dating him, but he sounds like a pretty poor excuse for a boyfriend!

Having said that, I am aware that people CAN change their behavior - provided they really want to and are prepared to put in the emotional work to bring it about, plus getting medical help if necessary.

But why should you have to put up with all his shenanigans while he's attempting to change - not that you've got any evidence that he IS trying?

Seriously? Think about it.

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