A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi thanks in advance for your advice. My brothers girlfriend has a female friend who I have met a couple of times and she apparently likes me. Well this weekend she had planned to come over and stay with me at my house at uni for the sat and Sunday nights. She came up on the Saturday and we had a really good time in the park in the sunshine, and after that went to the pub for a few drinks. Her mum has terminal breast cancer and when talking her I accidently made a joke about that. I do have a dark sense of humour and that is one of the reasons that she likes me (she has the similar sense of humour), but when you say jokes that are close to the edge, every now and then you are going to go over the line. When I said the comment without thinking i instantly apologised realsing how stupid it was and was very apologetic. She intialy laughed at the joke and said it was fine and not to worry about it. I then told her how bad I felt about it and how I just said it without thinking and no cruel intention was made by it. She said it was fine, but took her by surprise and slightly hurt cos its obviously a sensitive subject but said was ok and I thought that was the end of it. But when getting ready that night a few hours later, she asked me if I ment that joke and I said of course not, complete accident, and I would never mean that. I kept saying sorry for it feeling pretty bad about it and she said lets just move on and that she knew there was no malicious intnent from me with that comment as she knows im not that kind of person. Anyway we went out and had a great night meeting up with her and my friends and I did get to kiss her that night.The next day she wanted to head back home a day early to check in on her mum as she was taking some new chemotherapy drugs and wasn’t feeling that great and of course I said yes and took her to the train station. The next day I found from my brothers girlfriend (who is like best friends with this girl) the reason she went home was partly due to my comment and that got her thinking about her mum and she wanted to go home, which obviously made me feel even worse.So basically I just sent a text apologising again and saying that I do still like her and would like to see her again and please don’t hold this mistake against me, and I’ve learnt my lesson.I’ve got no reply yet and I probably won’t but to me I’ve signed off that problem now and won’t bring it up again now. I was planning on leaving her alone for 1 to 2 weeks and then trying to contact her again. My question is, is there anything else I should do, or should I just forget about her learn from my mistake and move on and try and find someone else?Thanks for your time
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best friend, drugs, move on, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2009): I also think that maybe she was guilty for laughing at your joke at first, but maybe it has got her thinking, maybe she just wants to spend more time with her mum incase something were to happen. It may not be as personal as you think it is.
hope this helps x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2009): The more you apologize, the more you remind her of the initial offense, which she probably would rather forget about as this is a tough time for her. Leave it be and if she wants to contact you, she will. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (2 June 2009):
 She probably felt guilty for laughing at your comment. I think you have apologised enough. Give her a week or so then contact her again. What have you got to lose? You'll have an answer one way or another.
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A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries +, writes (2 June 2009):
 i mean ok it was a joke i've had people slip up and saythings about when my mum was ill and has now died rest her soul
sometimes i do laugh but it does get me thinking and it does hurt me but i laugh to stop crying.
she clearly knows you were joking and obviously didn't mean it but definately give her time i mean this is a VITAL time she'll need to spend with her mum and yeah it probably did upset her but she thought rather laugh than cry.
she knows you were joking but just because she said it's ok doesn't mean it is... if that makes sense
i mean i'm not giving you ny disrespect and saying omg! how rude!
i'm just saying she knows you didn't mean it but it still sucks like.
anyways defo give her some time and try not bringing it up again i mean when you keep saying sorry that's probably not really helping she said it was ok should just leave it at that she knows you're sorry just when you bring it up just brings back what you said back and she probably wants to forget what happened.
anyways just leave her be for a bit.
I hope this helps.
pop me a message you need to talk further :)
happy to help.
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