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age
51-59,
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writes: My life has recently been turned upside down and I'm not sure what to do. I made the mistake of sending the love of my life a message on facebook that I thought was completely innocent. His profile said he was in a relationship and I was just curious to find out how he was and how his life has been. He responded to my question in less than 5 seconds and immediately came back into my life. I have always loved him and always thought he did not feel the same way about me. We were both young when we dated and an ex of his came back into his life pregnant and almost due with his daughter. Losing him hurt unlike anything. He has since been divorced to his daughters mother and has ended a 9 year relationship. Our conversations have become very intimate and we are planning on getting together in a few months to see each other. I am in a very unhappy marriage and he lives almost 6 hours away. I had no clue that this would uproot my life like this. It has been 18 years since we dated and he told me that he can still see the look in my eyes the first time we made love. I don't know what to do. Please Help
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female
reader, TEM  +, writes (31 January 2011):
 I understand, believe me I do. Please visit http://www.lostlovers.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi
There are threads there you can read without becoming a member. However, since this is long distance, and may take a while to sort out, I would suggest becoming a member. You will find support. There are many kind, understanding, intelligent people there.
Best of luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2011): you met a man 19 years later and had sex with him immediately.did you question his HIV status? any STDS? LoveGirl
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have seen my ex since i orginally posted the question. It was instantaneous chemistry. He immediately wrapped his arms around me and kissed me. I have never experienced an instant attraction like that. We ended up spending the night together and it was the most passionate experience of my life. I know he is my soul mate. I am leaving my husband very soon because the moment I looked into my ex's eyes I knew my marriage is over. I am sorry if anyone feels that this is a huge mistake but I have have spent the last 19 years of my life wondering about him and I honestly believe that I cant lose him again. We are going to make this work long distance for now but I know we will be together in the long run.
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female
reader, TEM +, writes (23 January 2011):
With today's technology this is more common that you think. I don't know if you have met up with him yet, but I would advise you not to. It's probably a good thing that he is six hours away. When lost loves meet they tend to pick up right where they left off - instant intimacy that doesn't "feel" wrong because of familiarity. However, if one or both of you are married, it is a recipe for heartache.The fact that you are unhappy in your marriage makes you particularly vulnerable. You are actually a classic case of the "lost love" phenomenon. If you search on those words you will find a lot research on this topic. My advice, which I am pretty sure you are not going to heed, is not to meet him. Solve the problem with your marriage first, even if that leads to divorce, then see him if you still want to. I don't know if you have children or not, but seeing him while you are still married could ruin your life.
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female
reader, Makulayblue +, writes (6 January 2011):
Stop corresponding with him don't be one of those people whose categorized as "homewrecker".it's only a temporary excitement that won't last.have a little respect to yourself and your family.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2011): you're putting hand in fire, it may burn you only, so be happy with what you have now, don't feel bore with what you have, see what alternate change can remove the boring husband's love and in fact love more to your husband then you may gain some good happy moments
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2011): Are you only with your husband until something better comes along? Or, do you care about him... do you love your husband at all?If you do, you won't make the life you've invested yourself into nothing. By telling this man that you will meet up with him, you have made the past years of your life nothing more than something to bide the time. You are making statements concerning your capacity to love.Everyone has temptations and everyone hits lulls in a marriage. It is par for the course. Yet, it is what we do in these deciding moments that determines the courage of our convictions and our WORTH.How easily we throw away who we are... or can be. How easily. You see this as the holy grail returning to you. You may very well not have had 'closure' with this other guy, but you can now. You can close it, evaluate and act on your marriage, and either fix it or end the marriage. You cannot serve two masters.Sometimes we are in love with the idea of love... sometimes we are in love with the idea of who we used to be... and this person represents a way back to that. But if you are really that... then you can be it now. Right this very minute.It is easy to fall into things. Once you go down that road... your life won't ever be the same again. Rarely is it for the better. Do a fast forward and really think about this. You can get into this affair and it can blow up in your face with such disastrous results it could make your head spin... Or; you could enter into the affair... leave your marriage... and wind up right back where you are right now... years later.Replacing your life mate should require more thought than simply an impulse. Cheating on your life mate should require more thought than simply an impulse as well. Once you do this, you can never look in the mirror again with true pride as a wife and as a woman. Is it worth it?
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2011): hey x
whatever you do please do not cheat.
if your unhappy then leave you only live once so make the most of it.
do whatever makes you happy x
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male
reader, Illithid +, writes (3 January 2011):
 Listen to Aunt Honesty. I couldn't have said it better myself.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (3 January 2011):
 First off if you are in an unhappy marriage get out of it dont keep it up if you dont see a happy future in it. Also dont go and meet your old flame unless you are single because cheating in a marriage is just not fair and plain cruel. If you feel that things could be better with your ex and you are willing to take that chance and see what happens then you need to end your marriage first and let your husband go. But you need to ask yourself is it worth the break up of your marriage? Are you sure that you are not just going through a phase were you are going in to your past instead of looking to the future. You need to make your mind up soon. Also i dont need to tell you that it is wrong to be talking intimitaley to another man when you are married, it is not fair on your husband. Am afraid you are going to have to make the choice here yourself. Goodluck.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2011): To be perfectly honest... you're relationship is in the past. Maybe you never got closure, but you need to let go of the romantic perspective. I'm in a situation right now where my boyfriend just left me because the same thing happened with his first love, he messaged her and she happened to be single and he still has feelings. I have no doubt however that we will get back together, because you know they didn't work in the first place... it's not going to happen now. Everyone has one of those first loves... it will never work no matter how hard you try. You will have that attachment to them until you get closure... I got closure from my first love and am at peace with it, however my boyfriend never did. He has to figure it out for himself, the hard way just like most people do, but dont ruin a marriage over something like that. He hasn't ruined our relationship because we aren't married and I love him and know how hard it is when you don't have closure, I almost left him in the past for my first love. So I am continuing to be his friend until he figures it out... however I don't think your husband would be that understanding since you've been married.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2011): pls!!! Run for your dear life. Stay away from this guy,i mean block him on facebook and tell me without mincing words that he stay out of your life. This guy probably knows your weakness and how to make you eat out of his psalm. Focus your time,resources and energy on how to make your marriage work. Stop this nonesense about hooking up with him,it will only put your marriage in deeper waters. If he wont back off,enlist the help of your husband. If you lose your marriage because of this guy, you may lose out totality cos another ex of his might show up pregnant again besides he's in a relationship currently.
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female
reader, Am I just stupid +, writes (3 January 2011):
Maybe, during a discussion before you go to see him, you should feel him out on his current situation. That way you know where you stand and what to expect. And I will tell you from experience, if you are in a very unhappy marriage, get out of it first before starting a relationship of anykind that could very well break your heart and become a miserable mess. I did with a man who was still married, and is about to become divorced, but now he has decided that he needs time to himself and that he is not ready for another relationship just not yet and after being with him for a year, I am in total heart break until i see where he is going with this if he even goes completely thru with it. I love him with all my heart, but I can't control him, just try and control me. So find out some stuff first before jumping into anything you will regret.
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