A
female
age
41-50,
*allchic
writes:I've known this guy for about 3 months, we started dating about 3 weeks ago. We've been on 4 dates, we've gotten together for lunches and chats during the day about 5 times also. He didn't even hug me until the 3rd date, and on the 4th date he kissed me on the cheek. During a recent lunch date he kissed me on the lips, more than a peck, but not wildly passionate. He texts me a lot, and calls at least once a day. Seems good, right? I don't know. He seems to be kind of forward in his texts. Last night I asked him what he was doing, and he texted back "Laying in bed. Wanna join me? ;)"I was offended. No, I don't want to join him! I don't feel like I even know him! I kind of went on a rant about how he can find himself a girl to sleep with if he wants to and it's not going to be me, and thought I'd never hear from him again. But this morning, "Good morning beautiful!". He's back.Now I feel like all he wants is to get laid. Sleeping together is so far off in the dating-screwing continuum that I can't even see it on the horizon. What should I do? Should I just drop him? Help!We're both in our 30's, however I am coming out of a divorce, haven't been in the dating scene in over a decade. It's been 18 months since my divorce. So forgive me if my question seems juvenile, I'm new (again) at this!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, tallchic +, writes (3 January 2011):
tallchic is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI do like this guy! I'm just so nervous, & kind of scared to actually LIKE somebody. When you're single, you don't have to worry about this stuff! And you don't have to worry about what someone's intentions are either... so yes, I do have some trust issues from my marriage.
Thanks a lot for all of your responses, they were all really helpful! I guess I am going to try & chill out a little bit, and go more with the flow instead of standing guard, waiting for him to screw up!
A
male
reader, Illithid +, writes (3 January 2011):
 It sounds like he's moving slowly, being respectful, likes you but is waiting patiently, and he just made a joke (complete with a winking smiley) to be funny. There's a big difference between mentioning that sex exists and trying to push you into it. Remember how many men wind up in the friend zone, too, just because they move TOO slowly and women lose interest. He's going slowly, waiting to hug, kissing gently, but he likes you. Would you rather if he's utterly disinterested in ever being closer to you?
Let him know you're afraid of things moving fast, that you're still getting over your divorce and need more time, but apologise for ranting at him over a minor joke. (FYI, the ;) smiley meant he was joking.)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2011): You seem really conflicted; you're not sure if you're getting enough physical attention at first and then after a suggestive flirt, you're afraid that all he wants is a physical relationship. One extreme to the other? You didn't even mention if you like him at all.He doesn't really sound all that strange. Many men assume they have to be the one to initiate the physical aspect of the relationship because they believe it's their gender appointed job. He was just trying to test the waters to see how you would respond. He isn't evil or a man-whore just because he's sexually attracted to you. The fact that he is trying to communicate with you even after you blew up at him suggests he's the total opposite.If YOU like this guy, maybe have a heart to heart about your insecurities? Are you projecting trust issues from your former husband on to him? If you think he's worth it, give him a chance.Good luck.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (3 January 2011):
 It was an innocent joke, poorly timed, but innocent. If he waited 4 dates to even try to kiss you, he's not saying you should jump in the sack right away. Remember, you can SLEEP (as in passed out) together without having sex. Just cuddling all night or something like that.
Go easy on the guy. Let him know it's too soon for that (which you have) and see how he reacts. Based on his reaction, you didn't scare him off. If you like him enough to forgive that bad joke, then you should apologize for blowing up at him and tell him what you're feeling and why it happened.
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