A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:im a 14 year old girl and im not in a rush to grow up, its just that my whole life since i started 3rd grade i wasnt popular. boys called me ugly and when i would start to like a guy the whole grade would find out and he didnt like me. no boys have ever liked me, i dont know what wrong. im starting the 9th grade and i really want a boyfriend so badly and my mom wont let me have one till im 16 so idk whats wrong. i sometimes sit down adn look it the mirror and call myself ugly i relly want a boyfriend so can you give some good advice please thank you.
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male
reader, Serpico +, writes (5 August 2010):
When I was 13, I felt like the biggest loser in the world. I felt ugly, no girl would date me, and I was failing in school.
Now Im 42. I have four college degrees, one of them from an Ivy League school. After a prosperous career on Wall Street, I am now sitting on top of my own multi-million dollar health care company. I drive a shiny Porsche Turbo. I have a smoking hot Colombian girl friend, and smiles and winks from women all the time (not that I really want them.)
Please take in what I just wrote - the above is 100% true. The moral of the story is what your life is like at 13 will likely be nothing like it is at 20, 30, 40, or beyond. You are young and have an enormous amount of learning and developing to do. Things will get better if you want them to. Just keep a positive outlook!
A
female
reader, Duckyhelp  +, writes (4 August 2010):
 hello :)I am guessing you will get a lot of "Your too young, blah blah" but to be honest, it true, and really dont worry. You are young, when i was 14, i had my first boyfriend but it was horrible. i still felt terrible about myself and he didnt make me feel better because he didnt care, cause he was too young to really put anything into the relationship. Now i am 16, and my new boyfriend is great, he cares about me, makes me feel amazing, cause hes 16 and not immature like a 14 year old.I suggest in the next two years, to get some really great friends, you need them when it comes to boys, they are like your weapons for confidence. Get a job, a paper round for money, use it for make up and clothes, and by the time your 16 you will be hoottt :LDont worry. it will happen for you, i promise :)
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A
female
reader, InLoveW/Love +, writes (4 August 2010):
I had a childhood similar to yours. Only everyone i grew up with hated me because of the color of my skin. So i can relate. Let me tell you now that boys will not raise your self-esteem. Its like putting a band-aid on a broken arm. It just wont work. Sure they'll make you feel special with sweet words and kisses but at the end of the day when your all alone that emptiness will not go away. I know it doesn't seem right now but 16 is the perfect age to start dating. Your mom is right by not letting you date. If you think she would understand, try telling her how bad you feel. She might be able to help or get the help you need. It really breaks my heart to hear that you think so lowly of yourself. The only advice i can truly offer you is to remember not to ever measure your self worth by how others perceive you. Some of the most beautiful women in the world are still called names like ugly or to fat or too skinny or whatever. Everyone has a unique special quality about themselves that they consider beautiful. Find yours :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2010): A boyfriend won't make you feel better about yourself. I know it seems as though having one will, but it doesn't fix the things you're feeling.
Often boys your age don't know how to express themselves when they actually like a girl. Boys mature more slowly than girls, and when boys like a girl, they do anything to get a girl's attention, including being very, very mean to her. That said, why would you want such negative attention in the first place? Secondly, at age 14, what is the point in having a boyfriend? What would you do when you hung out? Neither of you can drive to go on dates, so you'd end up relying on parents or older siblings to drive you around places, or you'd end up hanging out at your house, watching TV or playing games.
I think your mom's policy about dating is just fine. And I think you need to work on your self-esteem before you should even consider dating a boy. Talk to you mom about how you feel about yourself, or you could talk to your school guidance counselor or a trusted teacher. It's more important to make yourself a better, happier person because using someone else to make you a better and happier person just doesn't work.
(By the way, I want to let you know that I didn't start dating until I was nearly 18 years old. It was worth the wait!)
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (4 August 2010):
 Oh I was u when i was your age, now im 25 and happily married..Now look what u have to look forward to! I too thought i was ugly and couldnt get a bf, but guys started asking me out when i was in 9th grade and trust me there will be plenty of boys asking u out when ur able to date..My mom wouldnt let me date till i was 16 either...because when ur 16 is when ur really dating, u can drive and actually go places..Where can u go now? Ride ur bike over to his house? Have ur mom drop u off at the movies...thats not a date.. And ur not ugly ur mom telling u u cant have a bf till 16 means ur actually pretty and a lot of guys are going to ask u out but theyre not ready for that yet, so theyre going to wait til ur a lil more mature.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2010): You really don't need a boyfriend. They are just drama wrapped up in a neat little package... My advice? I know this sounds dumb, but listen to your mother! :) trust me, I'm the same age as you and I have a boyfriend.. He is drama at points... I think it's better to just have boy----friends
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2010): You're only fourteen, I remember when I was fourteen I had really bad self-esteem issues and my mum was just like yours; boyfriends were a no-go until I was older! But I know you say you're not in a rush to grow up, I seriously reccomend just enjoying your youth and working hard at school and stuff. I got a boyfriend at fourteen, a guy who liked me for who I was, and trust me girl, you may not believe it now but dating is so overrated. I bet you you're not ugly; there's someone out there for everyone, you've just got to wait for your prince charming to come along - there's no point going out with someone who you've forced yourself to like!Good luck xx
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A
male
reader, xnickx +, writes (4 August 2010):
 i sometimes sit down adn look it the mirror and call myself uglyWell stop. thats half your problem right there. you've been tricked into thinking you're ugly, sit back, look in the mirror, and find something you like about yourselfIf you honestly cant find anything, then make something you like about yourself, but i doubt you wont be able to. start looking at things positively because since you're looking at them negatively you're making yourself unapprochable and the guys that do like you will either be put off or scared off by that.Also, having low self esteem can give off a vibe that can come off as immature. That may be why your mom wont let you date, shes afraid you'll get used, etc. while theres not much you can do to change your mom's rules you can show her your mature enough to handle a relationship. Not saying it will work, but it will help.im sure your mom wouldnt be that opposed to you having a 'guy friend' over then when she gets comfortable enough with him, it should take care of itselfe. Another alternative would just be hanging out in groups.Nick.
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A
female
reader, BAMMM +, writes (4 August 2010):
 Advice for you:1.work on building your self esteem, instead of constantly putting yourself down, make an effort to CONSTANTLY see yourself in a positive light. (you wont believe your own words at first, but after a while, you will start to believe it.)2.Your mum loves you and is trying to protect you.But that doesn't have to stop you from talking/having a laugh with boys as friends. If there is a boy you like, go out with him in a group with your friends and his too, im sure your mum will find this a good compromise!If you show your mum that you are mature about having a boyfriend and you are not going to do anything sexually, im sure you can win her around!I was just like you when i was your age but years of positive thinking and optimism have led to a 'happier me'. I hope it works for you too¬!
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