A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:In my experience "love" is not something to base a relationship on. It makes you ignore what the relationship will realistically be like down the road. When you act on "love" and create a relationship, you still need to get over the "honeymoon" period, and come down to earth, that can be a pretty eye-opening situation. There have been plenty of arranged marriages that have developed into strong relationships, as far as I can tell. I guess my question is must there be a spark of heat, or is marrying your friend with incredible benefits a good way to go?
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male
reader, wildman +, writes (11 May 2008):
 How does your friend feel about you? Is he in love with you or maybe just used to you? I think a relationship can be developed from friends into something much more. I never really had a spark so to speak when I got married 30 years ago. It just felt like a good thing at the time and we definitely have had our ups and downs over the years, but we kind of depend on each other. i don't know if I really believe the spark thing too much myself. good luck with your decision
A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (11 May 2008):
 The spark you mention is a great feeling. It does also go away. That is why all the other ties that bind us together are so important. They just aren't as easy to sell in Hollywood. Sex. on the other hand is.
For instance the movie "Away from Her" (I think), is about a couple going through the drama of Alzheimer's disease. It causes the husband to take a long look in the mirror and at the relationship. It shows us what is ultimately the most important thing.
We want great sex. We want great sex with someone we love. We also need our lover to be our best friend. We will fight, tire of each other and have moments when we question our relationships. The most important thing to avoid is when both members of a couple fall out of love at the same time. Then we are both vulnerable.
The initial spark is fun and it drives us to create more. In the end though, it becomes something much bigger. For some people, arranged marriage might work. I imagine it depends on the culture and what our expectations are. We're taught differently in this part of the world. It's not what we do. It does though make sense on paper. A friend of mine from Pakistan once told me, "who better to pick a partner for you than your parents, they know you best." It is true in some ways but so strange in others. For people in the west, dating is what we do.
Attractions will come and go outside of marriage, no matter who picks your partner. Realizing that they are just candy for the brain is what is important. Attraction is fleeting, love is what we rely on in bad times. In good times we can get by on a wing and a prayer. The bad times are the true test of love.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2008): You've answered your own question here by saying that in your experience love isn't a good thing to base a relationship on, but you don't make it clear whether that is a good or bad thing for you.
Are you saying that you had a relationship based on love and it didn't work out or are you saying you had one not based on love and it did?
Everyone is different, some people can happily co-exist as companions and others prefer sexual chemistry.
In my opinion you need to have both for a healthy balance.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (11 May 2008):
 Love is the glue that holds your marriage together.
Many arranged marriages can developed into strong
relationships because they only savour the fruits after they got married.
While those 'love ' marriages had theirs before marriage and
there was nothing left for them when they got married.
There must be an attraction and bonding to survive the marriage.
Whats the use of incredible benefits when there is no love and you become a prisoner of your own home ?
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