A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hello,I'm in a relationship with a man who loves me and knows about my past. However, I have big financial woes (he knows about that too). I've almost 30 thousand dollars of debt in credit cards and personal loans. I'm embarrassed by it and unfortuantely, I can't pay them off. I've tried getting a part time job on top of my full time job but to no avail. I'm still trying at the same time I'm writing to you. I've thought about bankruptcy yet at the same time, I don't know if that's the right thing to do. I want to get over this but I've no one to turn to. My boyfriend is unable to help and my family (especially my parents) don't want to help. They say I got myself into this and I've got to get myself out of this. No one else can help and the banks can't help because I'm sooo in debt (along with my savings and checking). I don't know what to do. I can't seem to pay my creditors and I'm really having sleepless nights to the point that I'm so stressed. My boyfriend says he'll be there for me but as for the payments, I'm on my own. (He's got no job right now and is about to embark on one in a month). Any suggestions. I can go to jail for nonpayment, right? Maybe I belong there.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2010): Thank you..I'll look into organizations that can help me out. I don't want to live this way anymore.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2010): You really need to contact a lawyer (I've already posted). There are lots of free attorneys, free organizations out there.
But to answer your question generally, without giving you legal advice: whether your debt can affect your future husband, it depends.
Certain states have community property rules. These states include: Alaska, Arizona, California, Idaho, Louisiana, Nevada, New Mexico, Texas, Washington and Wisconsin. Your debt is a debt incurred before marriage... And I don't want to say more than that, so you should really contact someone in your state to help you out. Or at least do some research online for rules in your own state.
Good luck, I'm glad you found someone who loves you. Don't let this debt have too much impact on other parts of your life if you can help it!
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2010): Hi Everyone,Thank you so much for your time and assistance. I agree, I got myself into this and I need to get myself out of this by myself. I guess part of the reason I got into this in the first place was because I just had gotten myself out of a relationship 3 years back and went on a trip to "find" myself. I did things that otherwise I wouldn't have done. It's easy to spend when you are down in the dumps and in the doldrums. Now, I'm feeling the crimp in my wallet and especially in my savings.I don't want to feel this way anymore and one way is to face up to the mess I've made. I've made one step, and that is I paid one bill in full. It felt good to do it. It's hard, cause though I get paid, I'm still in the negative as far as my paycheck goes. So literally, I don't have a paycheck. I'm borrowing against the bank so I have no money. I am however looking and applying and though I'm always told I'm not what they are looking for and better luck next time, I am still moving on to the next place of employment part time.I have to ask one question....I am getting married next year in the Fall. My fiancee knows about my pitfall obviously, but will my bills and horrible credit alter his credit as well? I don't want to corrupt his if that is the case. I created this mess and I believe only I should have them...not him.Thank you and many many blessings to you all of you.
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A
male
reader, Honest Answer +, writes (28 December 2010):
 You need to talk to a credit counselor. There are may out there that provide FREE help. They might be able to help re-nagotiate your debt with your creditors. It's still bad on your credit report, but it is still better than a bankurptcy.You can find a state-by-state list of government-approved organizations at www.usdoj.gov/ust, the website of the U.S. Trustee Program.Good Luck!Jeff
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2010): You're going to have to face this and take the practical approach. The first thing I would do is contact your local legal aid. Every county in every state should have one. These are free attorneys. At the least they can direct you with what to do. I know how you feel, sometimes you don't want to face the problem at all (or even look at your bills, letters from collection agencies). But talk to an attorney (a free one), and trust me, you'll feel soooo much better when you have a plan in place. Also, before you look into debt consolidation, again consult an attorney. They will know of non-profits that can help you consolidate or negotiate/enter into payment plans for free.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2010): You need to take an honest look at yourself and your spending habits. Really you need to cut up EVERY credit card and eliminate the temptation. Research David Ramsey, he has written several books about getting out of debt (he actually followed his advice) and see if you can attend Financial Peace University. That is a seminar that will help you out of this mess.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (27 December 2010):
 There are options for you. The first thing I would look into is debt consolidation. There are a number of companies out there that do this. They will combine all your credit card debt and give you one payment. These actually do work, but the key to making them work is to be committed and not look at your freed up income as disposable.
Getting out of debt, especially this much, is not easy. It is possible if you have the control however.
Here are a few steps that will help if you do them.
1. Consolidate as much of your debt as possible. That way you can reduce some of your payments and actually pay off balances.
2. Cut up all but one of your credit cards. You want to keep one active so that you can keep that revolving line going. Do not use it, but keep that one card. It's important for keeping your credit established.
3. Make a budget and stick to it. Map out your expenses and income. Figure out how much your essentials cost and see if there is some way to reduce that cost. Give yourself an allowance, and that is all you are allowed to use for non-essentials. This is the most important step.
This takes time, so don't expect miracles overnight. You can do it. Banks will not be of help, but there are some places that will.
FWIW, I've been in banking for the last 5 years. If you have further questions feel free to post them here or PM me referencing this question.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2010): Hi
Sorry to hear how you are feeling so trapped and in a mess ooopps. Every body views debt differently it's serious yes but not the end of the world.
This is what i would do from my perspective.
First question WHAT made you get in debt? really look at this.
The practical DESTROY all cards, cheque books etc. Budget a monthly allowance and try and live within it.
Family and friends should be left out of this mess and would possibly create more stress in the long run for you worrying about paying back.
Taking full responsibility for this mess is the best way and knowing WHY!
Then i would either write a very small offer to each place you owe money and see if this offer is taken...explain your situation honesty is best.
If this is not the way, then i would consider a file for bankrupt and start afresh with a CEAN SLATE and understanding.
Don't feel ashamed just begin again with a new outlook on life and the things that are really important.....it's not material things.
On the new year why not write these letters with very small offers to show you are taking responsibility, but don't be cornered or threatened into paying too much.
I think taking another debt bank loan on is just going to trap you further...instead ask your bank to halt interest on credit repayments, if this is possible...seek legal advise on this particular.
you Don't belong in prison, but don't bury your head in the sand..stand tall face the mess and work it out without stress, enjoy the new year and your boyfriends new job...not his responsibility to do anymore than love you.
Happy new year....i wish you luck...please be happy with the little things in life that cost nothing.
spunky monkey.
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A
female
reader, lucy.whittaker  +, writes (27 December 2010):
 I don't know how the system works in the US, but I would say go to a Citizens Advice Bureau and find some representation. People there can help you to negotiate a payment scheme with your creditors and help you devise a realistic budget. There is help out there for people who are in serious levels of debt, and it's good that you've recognised the position you are in.
Your parents and boyfriend are very right not to be getting involved in handling your debts. You don't need anyone on here to tell you how stupid it was to get yourself into such a position.
Saying that, I don't believe you belong in jail. Don't be too hard on yourself. You just need to keep a level head and a positive attitude - however hard it may be. You can do this, but there is help out there so use it.
Good Luck,
Lucy XxX
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A
male
reader, doublejack +, writes (27 December 2010):
The person you really need to talk to is a bankruptcy attorney. Please, call one up. The initial consultation is free, and an expert is the only one who can advise you of what to do. Best of luck!
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male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (27 December 2010):
 To the best if my knowledge there is no debtors prison in the United States.
I agree with your family and boyfriend... you got yourself into this mess, you need to get yourself out. Be patient with the job search - there are jobs out there, you simply need to keep trying. Check out Walmart or even the local restaurants for work.
one other option is to contact a bankrupcy attorney and see what your options are.
Finally you need to figure out how you git into this mess.
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