A
male
age
51-59,
*oulMateLost
writes:I became involved with a woman seperated from her husband. She was asked for a divorce from her husband and he told her to move on. She met me shortly after and we fell in love. We talked about marriage, having a family together, bought rings for us to wear as our commitment to each other, she told me and my family we were soul mates. Her husband found out about me and met me shortly after. A few weeks following that he asked her if she would give him a second chance. She felt obligated to give him a second chance because she has a daughter. She told me her hear was crushed and has had a hard time saying goodbye. I became a little pushy about not giving up on her and she told me we could not have any contact with each other because she needs to try this without any distractions. She told me after that she wants to be with me but she has to do this so she doesnt resent me later on if we were to pursue something. She also told me she was in love with me and will tell me at a later time some other reasons why she has to do this. I am so lost and confused how she can just give up on true love. Do you think I have a chance? I cant even think about another woman right now or imagine myself with another woman.
View related questions:
crush, divorce, fell in love, move on, soul mates, soulmate Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2010): She wanted a divorce and to "move on" and her husband was in agreement. However, once they figure out what all that means, particularly with a child involved, people often get a drastic reality check.
The best way I've ever heard that said, about moving on in another relationship, is "Same Problems - Different People".
One of the other posters put up a good point. "Have you ever had parents divorce each other and live separately?" Well, it hurts the kids a lot, more than most couples will ever admit.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2010): I think you were her rebound relationship. And shes trying again with her husband because thats what she wants to do. My marriage broke down. I met someone else and fell in love. At no point have i ever considered going back to a full relationship with my ex, for the childrens sake. The children are loved, stable and cared for without the need for me to live and sleep with my ex. Your girlfriend wants to try and make her marriage work because she still has feelings for her husband. They may make a success of the marriage this time around. In many ways its good if they do. You have to be prepared for that. If they dont. She will probably go back to you. But her actions now, will affect any relationship you have with her in the future. You can wait or try and start to move on. Its your decision at the end of the day.
...............................
A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (13 November 2010):
 Well only the OP could possibly know whether or not she is the type of woman to use her own daughter as an excuse. Do you truly think this has absolutely NOTHING to do with her daughter? Have you ever had parents divorce each other and live separately? I imagine if you did, either your parents never divorced or you have a very hardened heart. But not all people are like this, her daughter may not bare to see her parents split apart. Things are not always so simple. Take into account, the state of her daughter's relationship with her father. He may be a terrible husband but an amazing father for all we know.
Then again Boo Radley could be right, she could be buying time and making excuses. Nevertheless, would suspicions stop you from waiting for her? You love her, no argument there. Whether she is honest or being somewhat deceitful, you will you will seek to have your chance through patience until the very end.
I hope that helps.
...............................
A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael +, writes (13 November 2010):
You need to give her time. I imagine if anything she said was true, she is weeping every night thinking about what she is doing but she knows she has to for the sake of her daughter. Her child comes first and she knows that and YOU must know that.
In the end, it is up to you. She told your family that she thought you were soul mates and that means something. Patience is required here more than anything if you truly love her and it must be powerful love too if you cannot imagine being with any other woman. It will kill you to wait. It will burn within every bleeding tear in your heart but you have to endure if you wish to be with her as I know she wishes to be with you.
But then, I am here to spread truth and the truth of the matter is that in the end, she may not wish to be with you. It may not be because of her ex, it may not even be because of you. You have to face the possibility that she is not going to be with you.
That does not mean you should not wait. What I am urging you to do, for your sake and for her sake is wait. If you love her as much as you say you do, you have nothing else to do but wait for her until the end comes. Just know there are two outcomes here and you have to prepare yourself for both. Do not envelope your thoughts of her with your whole heart, rather, glimpse upon it to remind yourself that you are fighting for this chance with her.
Good luck, may god watch over you
I hope that helps.
...............................
A
male
reader, PeterPan +, writes (12 November 2010):
 Definitely give her the space and time. I can only imagine the resentment she's referring to if you interfere with this process. There (literally) would be a clouded "what if" flying over her head, casting a shadow over the both of you.
Remember, love is the embodiment of patience and understanding.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2010): I understand all too well how you feel, I am female though and in the same situation. She may need time, simply because that is the father of her child. she may feel obligated to keep the relationship with her husband together for the sake of her child, but inwardly she may know she loves you. Or, she maybe is letting you down easy, perhaps she does love her ex husband as well.
The bottom line, and this was said to me, we can ask ourselves forever, will they come back, how come they didn't love me, what did I do, what is she or he thinking. An entire lifetime will go by and maybe someone else more suited came and went, or maybe we lost time in our own pursuits and passions over someone who did not want us.
I believe that it hurts us most to feel we do not cut it, that we were not worthy as we felt we were, it's always so shocking.
But we survive, learn, move on, love again. Maybe not tomorrow, or a year from now, or...then again.
I wish you the best and hope you are not suffering too much, silly I know but just know your worthy of someone's affections who wouldn't have to think twice.
...............................
A
female
reader, No watered down advice here! +, writes (12 November 2010):
 You scared her. And if a woman is going to be scared she whether be scared in familiar territory. Not scared meaning fearing for her life, but..as in smothered.. You scared her in that way. Soul-mates don't have hesitating feelings and they don't run and play hide go seek. They find each other and the story ends with "AND... THEY LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER" ijs. ~No Watered Advice Here!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2010): I would say to give her this time. Any woman who had a relationship with a man and has a child would have "what if's" in thier mind. Give her time, she will see, if you are truely soul mates you know what that means. Hopefully she is being true to herself. Be supportive.
...............................
|
