A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hey -tonight i gave my girlfriend a nice long message with candles and music and then after some foreplay fingered her until orgasm. after she got some energy back from the orgasm we started kissing again en route to sex. however, i lost my erection. she kind of just looked at me, i asked her to touch me and she said she doesn't know how to touch it when it's like that (flacid). so she didn't really do anything except lie there and stare at me. so we stopped put our clothes on and had a cigarette. i told her as we were going to bed that i wanted to tell her something, and that it wasn't a criticism, and not even that big of a deal, but i said i i felt as though she "didn't care to try and help". she got uncomfortable, said again she didn't know what to do, and asked to drop it.was I out of line? maybe i worded it wrong? should I have even said anything?i think it would have been nice for her to attempt to get me hard again, especially after the long massage and orgasm i gave her. so if i feel that, i think i was right in telling her. i would want her to speak up to me if it were reversed.but now she's upset. any advice on how to better approach her on this or what to say to her in the morning to remedy the situation while not taking the IDEA of what I said back?thanks!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2008): Right,right,right. Now you see when they say "BoBo has a mind of its own". Terminology may come to mind such as "Slam,bam,thank-you ma'am" It seems Bobo is tied to the "anticipation of having sex with that mystery girl" or tied to the imagination part of the brain"I wonder what she would feel like/look like without her clothes....rather than actually doing it. It seems sex is not meant to pleasure both at the same time. Bobo will jam in a dry hole just as easily as it will in a moist one. It has a "me first" attitude. When you get older Bobo does not mind being second as it takes that long to "get woken up". The thing is; how much do you know about the female needs? And how much does your mate know about the male needs? You will find that you both are ignorant about each other. Time to talk....OK, this is how it goes for me - It will help in keeping that relationship. Again too, once you were down, the desire to "visit" also disappeared. All the imagination is gone, used up. Maybe if she put on a slinky bit of langerie and strolled about the room seductively could get your mind working again being imaginative. It is the tease that awakens Bobo - not the actual job. But being imaginative is something you cannot force.
A
female
reader, cfemale  +, writes (5 December 2008):
 Hi, now see this can be a bit of an awkward situation for a girl, while you definitely made every effort to have a lovely evening with your GF, it all went a bit wrong, the last thing you want now is for you both to feel awkward if this happens again so it should be cleared up ASAP.
When you lost your erection, I suspect she may have felt that she had done something wrong and you didn't feel turned on by her! And it can be difficult for a girl to know what to do in this situation as she will worry if she's not able to make you hard again.
You should apologize for making her feel uncomfortable, that certainly wasn't your intention but explain to her that it's very important that you are both able to talk openly about it and suggest that you will help her the next time and ensure her that when she tries that it would turn you on even more, knowing that she wants to. Let it be an enjoyable experience for both of you and not at all awkward. Both of you can do this together, you should set the mood again and start while he is flacid and let her help you with her hands and yours to become erect, and as that happens she could move into giving you a BJ. this should be a great turn on for her knowing she is responsible for getting you hard. That way when she is in the mood on an a different occasion she will feel more comfortable to instigate the first move.
I hope this has helped a bit, good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2008): Your girlfriend is selfish,you helped her but she didn want to do the same thing.if those are the words you used i dont see any thing wrong, am a gal also but she should felt lucky that you told her of what to do.may be she is just ashamed now thats why she pretent to be angry but i think she still have to grow up.ph
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A
female
reader, bittersweetsin  +, writes (5 December 2008):
 From the sounds of it she might have been embarressed that she wasn't sure how to approach the situation, although you probably could have worded it better like maybe flashing a smile and asking for a helping hand? Maybe when it comes to talking to her about explain that you didn't mean to be insensitive (not trying to insult you but it soulds like an apology without really being one) but you really enjoy the way she touches you. The trick is to be smooth and honest about it while making her feel as though no one else does it better. A lot of girls are very unsure of themselves about how to react to different things when it comes to sex, the best strategy is to ease into it, don't make it sound like she disappointed you or like you expected more or better....it'll on;y land you in hot water.
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A
female
reader, bittersweetsin +, writes (5 December 2008):
From the sounds of it she might have been embarressed that she wasn't sure how to approach the situation, although you probably could have worded it better like maybe flashing a smile and asking for a helping hand? Maybe when it comes to talking to her about explain that you didn't mean to be insensitive (not trying to insult you but it soulds like an apology without really being one) but you really enjoy the way she touches you. The trick is to be smooth and honest about it while making her feel as though no one else does it better. A lot of girls are very unsure of themselves about how to react to different things when it comes to sex, the best strategy is to ease into it, don't make it sound like she disappointed you or like you expected more or better....it'll on;y land you in hot water.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2008): She sounds embarrassed that she doesn't know what to do. Show her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2008): Maybe you could tell her that you was really in the mood and you really wanted her and you dont know what happened. But instead of asking her to touch you, then maybe you should have tried kissing and touching her(not too much) and then she might have done the same.
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