A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear AllI would appreciate some help please; I'm lost in my life. I see myself as mature. Two girls have manipulated me recently (not literally but have pretended to be close and maybe a little bit more, 1 stole my heart and ran which hurt) and my parents are in chaos. I have discovered things about one of my role models in the family that have made me have little respect.So the major people in my life are in chaos.My role model isn’t one anymore.Girls are taking advantage of my desperate need for love and happiness, oh and people are calling me ‘gay’ at school for being too mature. (They don’t even know what the word means). I just feel so down!Any advice pleaseCheers Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone! I should have made one thing clear, by 'love' - although I guess it's a word, I want a sense of value, I want someone to ask how I am and mean it. My family have but I don't feel such purpose anymore. And by 'girls' I never looked for them, they came to me, we never wenty far, but words ment everything and that's what hurt me!
I hope that makes thing clear, thank you everyone.
Mr. Kermit I shall take your suggestion/program a some point thx.
Cheer Joseph
A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (16 October 2007):
 Hey,
It sounds like you have been through a rough time. Firstly do not look to women to make up for the love you are missing in your life. You are too vulnerable right now, and will come off as too needy, which means they will turn against you (as you have learned).
I am going to suggest for you to focus on different things for the time being to put your life in perspective.
As for your role model, role models are human, and you can not respect everything about a person, but it is OK to respect particular traits about a person. Easier to beleive in a fictional character than a real person (my hero is Kermit the Frog).
I give a seminar of inner game and finding meaning in your life, that covers EXACTLY this topic.
Here are some of the writing exercises and assignments I give my students to figure out their meaning of life.
1-Write your own eulogy
2-Fill out your tombstone epitaph
3-Talk a walk in a cemetary to see how many people you have already outlived
4-Write out what you think your REAL friends think about you, and then ask them to see if you were close.
5-Comtemplate the movie of your life...who would play you, what would the title be, and the soundtrack...what would be the plot line?
6-What would you want said about you at your funeral
7-What do you want to be remembered for?
8-What things are a part of your legacy (your multiple kids only count once here)
9-What are your most influential songs, books and artist (knowing them will tell you something about what is important to you)
10-10 people you admire and why. One different trait for each.
11-What base like principles do you live by currently?
12-How do you think the world should change?
13-What would you LOVE to make a full time living doing?
Basically, my philosophy is that in order to understand the meaning of your life, you must FIRST contemplate your death. I go into the above in more detail in my book:
I'm a Man, That's My Job: The Philosophy of a Seducer
This section however applies to all genders and orientations.
-Frank B Kermit
...............................
A
female
reader, Charmayne  +, writes (16 October 2007):
Hi there~
firstly, i'm sorry to hear family life is going awol, remember, it's not your fault.
this part may be a little harsh - soz -
"girls are taking advantage", really? or are you placing expectations on them to provide something that you need?
"desperate need for love and happiness"- ok, this tells me you are not liking yourself, cause when we like and love ourselves the concept of loneliness really does drift off like wood on ocean waves.
methinks your needs for belonging and self-worth have not been supported at home, this is not your fault, we each have our own journey, and sometimes parents find it difficult to navigate as well. however, as a youth, you have some basic rights and needs, i suggest you cultivate these and you will meet people who will not leave you feeling "stolen" form.
can you join some groups-camping, riding, canoeing, something that gets you outdoors and cooperating with others to meet a goal? it will give you the opportunity to meet other role models. can you throw yourself into a hobby? you need to start to enjoy you, value you, take pride in you as a rare and beautiful being that has a lot to share, and who is keen (i hope) to get to know others, regardless of their gender, ethnicity, abilities etc.
i suggest also that you read Rumi (google him; 13th century Persian poet). he writes about grief, and being lost as a way to finding yourself. our western culture doesn't encourage times of lostness, many other cultures do, and it is a time of chaos, and mixing things up, and letting go, of refining. to make a precious metal ring you need to smash up the ore, grind the powder, fire the liquid to remove what's not needed before puring into the mold.
Psychiologically, what you are experiencing is healthy, it is a time of initiation, of passing through, and it will happen numerous times through your life. You are blessed, so many people in the west avoid these times (tv, getting drunk, drug abuse, radio 24/7, crap friendships etc). Spend quality time with others you can learn from, share with and be inspired by, and take time out to be on your own, digging into your heart (like gardening) to discover what makes you heart happy. and follow that.
hope this helps,
talk anytime,
char
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2007): Oh chick! Why are you lookin for love? Even though ur mature for your age you are still really young! Trust me getting into a relationship at such a young age is really not all that its cracked up to be! Put your head down at school and work really hard, get a hobbie, and sit down and talk to your family or friends about your worries and problems.
As for the kids at school calling you Gay well.... i bet at least 2 out of all of those kids will probably end up gay themselves when they grow up! Talk to your teachers about what the other kids are saying! Ignore the lads.
You'll be the type of person to get everything out of life, you will be happy! Being a teenager is hard enough itself but trust me its probably just a phase that will pass!
Good luck chick and i wish you all the best!
xxx
...............................
A
female
reader, ladysuzanna +, writes (15 October 2007):
 we should not play with love you are lost a little lonely just move on and next time look really close people are not always what they pretend to be i live is twice and i hurry like tell for a person of six years live four months put on my happy face and thought the man broken my heart and all the hurt after i looked back was for nothing any love with come alone just look before you leap and those people at school are stupid mature is good and for a man that is great someday you will be a great husband keep looking you will find good luck
...............................
|
