A
female
age
41-50,
*halie
writes:I have been with my partner for nearly 8years, their is a 14 year age gap between us. When we first got togerther my close friends disaproved of our relationship which meant i lost allot of them. the freinds i did have left were mainly men which my boyfriend didnt like me seeing without him. which now means i have lost them to. I am really alone as my family love my boyfreind as part of the family so i cannot speak to them.Over the last couple of years our relationship has ground to a hault. We have sex very infrequently (once every couple of months) an we dont speak to each other anymore. He works evenings and i work during the day so we only see each other 2 nites a week and 1 full day. When we do get time togerther he is not interested in me one bit if i even try to get close to him he backs away from me. It has got to the stage where i have stopped trying for fear of rejection. I am so unhappy that my life has nothing in it anymore worth the effort. What do i do???? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2007): I think that you should ask yourself if you really want this. Also look up old friends if you want to rebuild those relationships otherwise if you feel they have let you down you can make new friendships at a place of work, even if you start somewhere new. You can always make new friends it is never too late. Most importantly its a good idea in my view to have some faith, a bit of searching will help.
A
male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (15 June 2007):
 Age differences matter only in the minds of the two people involved, but in your case that is really not the issue. Quite frankly you are wallowing in your self-pity, which tells us that you don't take responsibility for the consequences of your choices.
You chose to disengage from your support system. That was probably inevitable because these "friends" weren't really being very loyal to you. Then you decided that your man was all you really needed and built an unhealthy dependence on him. So here you are today in a shattered relationship and no support system.
At the start of this relationship you had (and still have today) an option open to you: Build a support system based on people who have mutual respect for one another. This support system should include your partner. If he is treating you in a disrespectful manner and you don't have children then it would be a good time for you to take a break from the relationship while you go through a process of healing and renewal.
Of course, building an effective support system is not easy if you have such little self-respect. You run the risk of surrounding yourself with yet another group of people who are disloyal and disrespectful.
No one in this world can endow you with self-respect - to grow that self-respect you must be fully engaged for the long but worthwhile journey. I'm sure your head is crammed with negative, self-destructive thoughts right now. Counselling may help you to better deal with these thoughts and over time eliminate them altogether.
I hope this helps. Good luck and take care.
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A
male
reader, NuVu  +, writes (15 June 2007):
Start doing something for yourself... Anything. Try to reconnect with your old friends or start some activities to make some new frieds. You might not feel like it right now, but its the only way to really pull yourself out of the whole your in.
It might be time to move on from this relationship. I think its worth talking about and trying therapy, but if its not working, i'd suggest moving on. You are much to young to be stuck in a dead end and lifeless relationship. Get out and find your passion for life again.
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A
male
reader, nologo  +, writes (15 June 2007):
 Now it is really embarrassing for you.
I do understand how you feel and why.
There are some rules for age difference relationship in fact.
And the most important among them is that to make this type of relationship work both partners need to be extreme introverts.
Obviously you are not introverted - it was just a crush first.
Crush ended, troubles began, and nearly 8 years you are there.
Goto relationship counseling if you love him; if not dump him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2007): Ok i think you need to get some of your confidence and independence back ASAP. I know how you feel as i lost all my friends because i was with somebody which i totally regret now. Friends are important to have in life, you can meet up for coffe's, have girly nights in, go out round town, go shopping etc, the main part is that you have someone to talk to. Withought this in life you are just relying on yout partner. I think you really need to talk with him and tell him how unhappy you are, start joining some social activities which gives you a chance to make friends again, get yourself out of the house and gain some of that independence back. If your partner doesn't listen then i personally think you should scrap him and find someone who will make you happy and sod what the family think, after all it is YOUR life.Good luck, i hope it all works out for you. xx
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A
female
reader, aashna_sambhy  +, writes (15 June 2007):
its sad to stay alone when ur friends are together..maybe some
recreational activity gets u friends like may be some cooking classes,dance classes or whatever interests you.this way you will get busier.and you can even add spice to your sex by getting sexy lingrie or maybe some hot movies when you are together may help.try and tell him he is the most important thing and please indulge into an activity which lets you meet new people...i hope it helps you....
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