A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My LDR boyfriend of 2 years always gets mad at me whenever he sees me talking to a guy even if it's just a normal conversation, no flirty talks, no hooking up whatsoever. He'll become so mad that he'll bring that into arguments for days. He even got mad seeing me in an old photograph with my classmates sitting next to a guy back in the college and we haven't even met each other that time! I don't know what's wrong with him, I know he was betrayed long time ago but it doesn't mean I'd just do it to him!! It is sooo nerve-wracking looks like if I want to be with him I better not talk to any guy for the rest of my life!!!! My head hurts everytime we get into this kind of arguments. What should I do????
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI will give this a go. Thanks alot. I have to admit, he's a kind that never trusts people easily, but he should change, for some reasons, it's been 2 years now and I've been trying my best for this long. He asked to block any guy that talked to me on facebook. We didn't meet on a regular basis, that's what he always said if I asked him why he never trusts me. He said things will go in different ways if we were together. I doubt that. Seriously I'm starting to think maybe it's best to have a sit and discuss about this insecurity thing.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (5 May 2012):
 Let's focus on this phrase in your submittal: ".... gets mad at me whenever he sees me talking to a guy..."
This is classic abuser behaviour, wherein he is beginning to "cut" you off from your regular contacts with the (outside) world... so that HE can (and will!) control everything that you do. Once he's successful at that, he will commence to abusing you and YOU will have burned all the bridges that you USED TO HAVE, back to your sanity, and HE will have total control over you...
Best advice? Dump him now and save yourself the angst of doing so, later, under more stressful circumstances....
Good luck...
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (5 May 2012):
This situation is ridiculous. You won’t be able to go on like this. Soon you won’t be able to go out-what if the person on the till when you do your food shopping is a man! Schock horror! you’ll have to talk to him!Your boyfriend needs a reality check. Tell him that you will not be unfaithful, that what happened in his past is history, and just because one girl does something, it doesn’t mean you will. Tell him that he needs to trust you and that you’re not prepared to put up with having to explain yourself, and that you’re entitled both to talk to men and have male friends if you wish. Tell him the relationship won’t survive if he doesn’t make a sincere effort to change his ways. The longer this situation remains unresolved, the more unhappy you will both become. But with insecurity this bad, I do think you need to prepare yourself for it not working out. You need to have some idea in your head how long you’re prepared to give him to change his ways, because otherwise you risk dragging it on and on in the hope against hope that he’ll sort himself out. Once he’s reached that point, and things are no different, walk away. It’s no way to live and you don’t deserve this. As I said, the longer this goes on the worse you’re both going to end up feeling. I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (5 May 2012):
 I think you would do him, and yourself, a favour by leaving him. If he isn't ready to trust you then he is not ready to be in a relationship. A relationship requires trust. Where there is not trust.. there can be no relationship. He needs to come to terms with the fact that you will speak to other men. If he can not accept this, then he should not be in a relationship as he can not give a relationship what it deserves. A relationship should not be a prison where one partner is the prisoner and the other the guard. He will wear you down, and your relationship will always be filled with arguments and trouble. If you stop speaking to other men it will not become better. Because he got angry with you for seeing you in the same PICTURE as another man/boy. This shows you his level of insecurity, and how deep it goes. His deep level of insecurity means he can not trust you, even if you never speak to another man again. Because he distrusts you even though you never did anything. He will continue with this distrust, even if you continue to never do anything wrong for the rest of your life.
He will not stop treating you this way until YOU stop him. And you stop him by simply NOT accepting this form of treatment any longer. Explain this to him. Then you can tell him that he can choose: either she chooses to start trusting you and NOT argue with you over you talking to other men again, or he can leave the relationship. His choice.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2012): Sounds like insane jelousy here. Have you talked to him about it? Im in the same boat, however not quite so bad. Sounds like he doesnt like the thought of seeing you with another guy, even through innocent conversation. When you are talking to guys, try introduce him as your boyfriend, make it clear that you are together. Try include him in the conversation too, that way he will see its only innocent. Try be understanding - jelousy is a hard thing to get over, especially if hes been hurt in the past.
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